DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

Social media has a lot to answer for.

Basically, the effort he made doesn't count for anything because it was private?

So embarrassing.

Oh, I hope she HAS.

#RunRabbitRun

I can't see this being a problem at next years birthday TBH.

You really are not getting it are you

If you need your boyfriend to publically validate you then you are too immature to be in a serious relationship

Also many people have social media and don’t post. There is more to social media than creating an online diary

Please let this guy go and let him be with someone who values him

Hi OP, haven’t RTFT but have read your responses and I’m early 30s so hopefully within range to comment but… I wonder if he’s lived and learned a bit, with respect to posting about the ex. Years ago I’d have posted about everything and as time’s gone by, I just don’t anymore. Fiancé and I rarely post about each other, but I know he did with his ex and was very badly hurt. For years, he didn’t post anything of us and I think it was partly because it’s just him and partly because he felt he had to with ex and didn’t with me. If it helps, people who post about each other less are supposedly in happier relationships!

I do take your point that he could’ve done it as it means something to you, but I don’t see this as symptomatic of you meaning less to him than his ex at all - he might just have reverted to where he’s more comfortable and that’s a good thing.

This post reminds me of the nose dive episode on Black Mirror!

What will it achieve by posting on social media?Honestly stop showcasing your life on social media, it will hurt your self esteem in the long run.

You seem to have an amazing partner who treated you so well on your birthday and he cares about you. Enjoy your relationship in the real world and stop worrying what other people think of you online. Happy Birthday!

You’ve already said he posts the odd story re football so he does use SM but just not in the way you like. He probably also follows some friends, brands, sports/hobby accounts, etc.

Love to know how he’ll react when you demand he deletes it!

Good Lord!

"You're going to accept..." "You're going to tell him..."

You value public social media validation over your boyfriend who showed real life affectionate attention to you... Are you so very insecure? Your 'friend' should mind her own bloody business too!

Run man run.... 🏃🏼🌪️💨💨

I’m your age, did this when I was 23/24. I became a grown up…..most people that are insecure about relationships based on social media very rarely can actually maintain a long lasting one. Perhaps you need to understand why this is such a big issue to you? Trust ? Jealousy ? Are you trying to claim him in a public space ?

Is this a joke?

Here’s the thing - if you date a few people in your 20’s there’s going to be a whole lot of deleting going on.
You post whole rafts of couple pics and when the romance ends you have to delete them all.
Maybe he feels it’s not that meaningful.
I understand in your age group it’s important but if you’ve found a good loyal guy that is worth more than someone who has you all over his socials and is then in everyone else’s DMs!

Good for him. He’s a keeper, OP. A person with the right attitude & the right values.

You, however, sound like hard work, to put it as politely as possible. Time to grow up a bit, perhaps?

How do you know what he was posting 2/3 years ago?! Isn’t that weird that you know that, and a bit stalker-ish?!

Why does what ‘people’ think matter more than the very real things your partner did for you on your birthday, @BrightLJ - and more than the fact that you hurt his feelings by telling him that all that he did for you doesn’t matter because he didn’t do some shallow insta post so you can look good to people who are so shallow and vapid that they think SM posts matter more than real actions?

I have no words to describ what a vacuous idiot you are. Oh yeah, I do.

My husband has never done a birthday or Mother’s Day post for me, he begrudgingly posted a wedding photo after we got married. I’m really interested in why this has upset you, why does the public validation mean so much? Surely the day you’ve had and the time together and how he treated you matter most?

That was my very first thought and age range.
If he's any sense he'll run .

Are you 15?!

Everyone on here is right, but I do understand why you are feeling like you do….

Despite his efforts, It probably feels to you like he doesn’t want to show that he’s proud to be with you to all his and your friends, and it’s probably playing on your mind because of a deep rooted insecurity, either about him not being fully invested, or about how you look or a fear of imminent abandonment.

I used to feel like this years ago, before social media became a thing, in different situations and would self sabotage healthy relationships because I didn’t feel worthy and worried they were about to leave or weren’t keen deep down.

I no longer think like that because I’m old enough to appreciate more genuine, heartfelt gestures now, not big, fake performative ones.

I did feel a pang of it on valentines this year on behalf of my dd18, who posted a lovely valentine post for her BF and he didn’t reciprocate. He did eventually share her post for about 2 hours before removing it, and I did worry a bit that he was not as in to her, but then I gave my head a wobble as he’d got her a lovely card and present. She was much more relaxed about it and said he doesn’t really do socials.

i think it stems from childhood personally but try not to ruin the good thing you have.

I have been with my husband near on 11 years now. He used to post on social media about me but now he doesn't. He still loves me but said he just doesn't post things anymore and doesn't understand why he should put it on Facebook if he already told me in real life. He still likes me to tag him in everything I put on about what we're up to or the kids etc. I told him it would be nice if he decided to do it just once but he has no interest at all

‘I think I’m going to just tell him to delete insta then it will avoid the hassle next year 😂’

So if he doesn’t use social media to specifically validate you he should delete it? Oh dear, listen to yourself, you are so self absorbed it’s cringeworthy. You need to grow up.

No clue what a reel or a grid is but who gives a shit about social media? People that post that shit are generally the vacuous types in crap relationships trying to big themselves up. Your bf sounds great in person. Cherish that.

He's not in a relationship with those people. He's in a relationship with you. YOU know he remembered your birthday, gave you a lovely day and did not at all ignore your existence.

Please try to learn to appreciate the real life stuff he does over what he does as a performance for others on SM. It may be that your relationship means more to him than his ex, so he doesn't see it as a show to put on for likes.

You shouldn't, either. You are not in this relationship to entertain your friends (I hope).

If I know the boyfriend, I’d advise him to run.

That's controlling. It's none of your business if he keeps his SM open only to post about football. Don't be a twat, OP. Broaden your mind a bit.