DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

Agree. I know couples who comment on each others SM when they’re sitting in the same room ffs - and these are not young people.

It’s ridiculous

The only person who should be embarrassed there is your close friend.

How he behaved 3 years ago on social media is no reflection on how he does now. Just look at your own posts on timehop or something, most of the old ones are absolute cringey bollocks.

Honestly, it sounds like he planned a lovely day for you and I can’t see why this is so important - but if it really is; he probably isn’t the man for you.

@BrightLJ many many people do not live their lives on social media! my dh does not even have a social media account! he cannot even turn a computer on!! neither can his friend!

This. I would have cringed at it.

He gave you an actual lovely day! That is real not virtual!! For god sake respect his efforts and his privacy!!
I am not on social media and TBH I’m more freaked out by people who need to post everything!! If it were me… I’d be running for my life.

The fact your mates are so deeply invested in his online presence to a point checking if everything is ok with you two is... Concerning tbh

This.

You need to get a grip otherwise you could lose this lovely man over something really silly. You need to say you’re sorry and realise SM doesn’t matter and what matters is how he treads you. Invite him over for dinner and get on with your relationship

This is a joke post 😂🤣

So is the real issue you are jealous that he has had past relationships and feel that because he posted on social media he liked them more? So it's insecurity? This was 2-3 years ago so I would expect he has got over this woman now, is there anything else that would make you doubt this?

Also if you really needed validation on social media you could have done you own post 'lovely day with the boy, properly spoilt. Lucky me'

I’m a very private person and there is no way in hell I’d post it. Why should he? He showed her he cared in REAL, authentic ways. He shouldn’t have to perform for her social media audience to make her happy. Wow.

Maybe he’s matured since then.

I’m sorry @BrightLJ, but that is absolutely ridiculous. All you had to do was to say “Oh, Fred doesn’t do much on social media, but it doesn’t matter because he spoiled me rotten!”

What matters more - actual, thoughtful actions from your partner, or performative, shallow, social media appearances? What he did took thought and effort - much more than doing an insta-post.

Frankly you sound not only immature, but very, very ungrateful!

I believe you’re right. 🙄

But it was something he did do recently.

Imagine it (hypothetically) this was about oral sex. Partner really wanted it. He says he doesn't do this. If he did do in his recent past with a different partner, new partner would be entitled to be hurt by this, and take it personally

I.e - he was that type of man for someone else

It is really embarrassing but not in the way you think it is!

'About'?

I've a feeling you know exactly.

Possibly down the the minute it was posted.

Not really, we’ve had a great first year.

I appreciate there’s a mix of views, I think people my age are going to be a bit more understanding but I get that I am going to need to accept he won’t use socials in the way I do.

I think I’m going to just tell him to delete insta then it will avoid the hassle next year 😂

This nails it.

So, OP, you wanted some public validation from him? Some PR, impressing friends etc that you're in a fab relationship and having a wonderful birthday? How is that more important than the actual effort he went to to make your day special?!!
If the SM scene which is full of posturing, phoney posts, edited lives and filtered reality is not for him then respect that. You're in danger of scaring him off.

^^ This!

"I think I’m going to just tell him to delete insta then it will avoid the hassle next year 😂"

Oh dear. They're gonna love this

I think he should LTB. 🤣

She kinda did 😄

I love Instagram and would always post for my husband but he’d never post for me as he rarely uses social media. I think this is a massive over reaction and if you need that public validation then that’s a bit sad.