DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

I’m a similar age to you OP, and would not do this for my husband, and nor would I expect him to do it for me. Five years ago, I probably would have though. It sounds as if you post a lot which is probably skewing your view of things.

As I said, five or so years ago I would have maybe felt the same, and have posted about birthdays before, but my relationship with social media has changed and I would be embarrassed to gush about DH’s birthday on Instagram now. That’s not to say everyone should be embarrassed, but to illustrate that people’s relationships with social media change, and just because your partner has done it previously, doesn’t mean he loves you any less because he’s not doing it now.

How embarrassing to ruin your own birthday over an Instagram post. Gross.

And years ago he was younger and probably more active on SM.

Sorry but I’m more like him and the thought of a public declaration makes me cringe.

He saw you in person- SM is all for show and attention imo. It’s what he does in real life that matters.

It’s ridiculous to ruin your own birthday because he didn’t do a ‘look at meeeeeeeee’ post for you. You’re not 14

They say the happiest relationships have no sign on social media. Because they don't need to prove their happiness, they just feel it.

Social media isn't all it's cracked up to be. I see a friend post about how fantastic her husband is every birthday and father's day, they're so lucky to have him etc. In reality she's miserable and always talking about how little he does with the family and how she wishes things were different.

Do you think maybe you owe him an apology, OP? Has anything said on this thread made you rethink your (over)reaction?

I’m of the wrong generation to properly understand this, but “in my day”, to want a post on social media like this would be utterly conceited.

so I’ve asked my older teen for some perspective. I am sorry but she says that your behavior is unreasonable and that you must care more how people perceive your relationship than about the actual relationship itself. She concedes that he might put up a photo just to shut you up about it, but given his low usage, his refusal is justified.

I think you need to live your real life, not this online fantasy.

....it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

In what World is it any kind of expectation that anyone fawn over you on Facebook on your birthday 😆

Really tho - how sad and embarrassing to care that much about socials.

You can stick your Insta-relationships. Better to have a REAL one.

All the couples I know who make a big show of birthdays/anniversaries/valentines on SM hate each other IRL and have a shit relationship.

it was only about 2/3 years ago

Jesus Christ this is cringe! Grow up.

No-one would reasonably expect you to read the whole thread when it's already up to 14 pages, but couldn't you even be bothered to read OP's first post? Amongst other things she wrote:
"He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart." and:
"I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do."
🙄

I have never, ever understood why people wish each other happy birthday on social media if you're together in real life. Even if you're apart, why not just phone each other? Wanting people to watch you speak sweet nothings to each other is just performative. But I grew up before social media, so perhaps that's why I find things like that really shallow.

So you're telling him that the public performance of your birthday is much more important to you, its more important that other people KNOW you had a lovely day... than that you actually had a lovely day with him.

And you already know he doesn't really do insta etc. So its not as if he is all over it normally and then refusing just for your birthday?

Yes, you're being a dick. I think you need to re-evaluate what is actually important in life.

You should watch this film OP. As a cautionary tale about spending too much time in a virtual world.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ready_Player_One_(film)

Do you have any other reason to doubt him? Is this about the bigger picture?

I would be really embarrassed if I never post on social media to suddenly do a gushy post for the world to see when the person it is for is in the same room as me. Surely you just tell your friends he isn't on social media much, we have had a lovely day - thanks.

I don't use social media. I definitely wouldn't post anything online about my personal life!!

OP respect his wishes. I agree with your DP. He spent all day with you, what more do you need?!

This cannot be real....

He made a huge effort but you want him to willy wave on social media.... you're an absolute tool and I hope he finds someone who deserves him.

He sounds perfectly sensible. You sound like you’re 12. .

Having said that, it's a small thing to do in order to make your partner happy. If it was important to them, I would do it. It wouldn't be any skin off my nose.

OP, does he often give you pushback for no reason?

And that "friend" should mind her own business.

OP, in all seriousness, delete social media, and start living your life in the real world and not for likes and the approval of others.
read the book Stolen Focus, it will open your eyes

Grow up............

In fairness, that poster is pretty much the only one that OP has responded to...

The thing is, Poppet, that if you find birthday messages on "the socials (🙄) cringingly attention seeking and twattish - like I do - you don't want to post them yourself, because you'd feel like a twat.

The fact that you got all pouty and petulant after what he had done for you is shameful.

The vote currently stands at 99% YABU. Does that not tell you something?

Only a bit?