DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

A mix of views? Interesting viewpoint.

This 100%

My head just hit the desk. I REALLY hope you're joking, OP.

I would’ve replied saying something like the other PP “are you 15” “are you that insecure” “social media isn’t reality”.

My lovely DP of 8 years never posted a photo of me on his instagram and it came to light last summer he had been using it all along to look single so he could cheat on me.

Not sure how I’m ever not meant to be insecure or distrusting again tbh.

You mean tell him you're going to delete your Insta, surely?

Also, I'm not sure how you know the ages of the posters on this thread.

I have an ex DIL (fantastic woman, still love her to bits) who used to live everything on SM. If her DD was in A & E it would be plastered across FB with the obligatory blue curtain/sad child pics. Used to drive us crazy.

Then one day she grew up. She’s recently had a second baby by her new DP and you’d not know from her SM. We were sent some beautiful pics privately but otherwise we’d not know.

It’s quite hard to reconcile this woman with the one from 5 years ago. She’s changed and chooses not to post personal stuff.

It’s quite conceivable that your DP is similar.

There really isn’t a mix of views. Everyone thinks you’re being ridiculous

Christ Almighty!!
There isn't a mix of views, there is one very strong view!

I can only assume your joking about telling him to delete Instagram - if not, I hope he gets sense and finds someone with better values.

This makes you sound worse. Why should he delete his insta just to make you feel better about yourself?

I have insta because I enjoy following company/public accounts on there. Rarely post because I do not need public validation in my life

I have a lot of relatives in their late 20s/early 30s on my social media and I can’t remember the last time I saw anyone putting a birthday message on for their partner so it’s not an age thing it’s a you and your friends thing

Ah, the 1% who voted in the wild.

So did you check with him first before you posted your dramatic attention seeking look at meeeeeeeeeee birthday post for him? Because does it matter to you if he was absolutely cringing about the drama?

There’s not really a mix of views though is there?

You’re going to ‘tell him’. I don’t foresee your next bday together.

Your boyfriend sounds like a sensible bloke who is not buying into all this insta shit. I'd say he knows that it's a slippery slope before he slides into a pair of crimbo pyjames etc. if he went along with your orders. I often wondered how people managed to get so many men to allow themselves to be shamed publicly sitting in their pyjamas like a giant toddler.

This has got to be a joke?

Wow! Telling a grown man to take down his insta - wtf!

This is very needy. Asking someone to do it? Surely you can’t think that is normal.

He sounds like he made a real fuss of your birthday and this is how you repay him?

Maybe you are incompatible and he may now be having second thoughts. I would.

I can only assume this is a joke given how completely ridiculous it is. My advice would be for your partner to run for the hills!

I’m only a tiny bit older than you, only just in 30s, this whole thread is so sad. Also it’s not him that needs to delete, it’s you, break the obsession and just come off it, you had a lovely day and you’re sad about internet bs.

I think you are very ambitious and optimistic to think he will be around next year after your appalling, ungrateful behaviour this year 😂

No, @BrightLJ - that would be utterly unreasonable of you. He has done nothing wrong, and does not need to change anything.

You, on the other hand, need to accept that social media is not the be-all and end-all of life, and that the real actions of your partner show his affection for you more than a shallow SM post.

As I said earlier - what matters more - actual, thoughtful actions from your partner, or performative, shallow, social media appearances? What he did took thought and effort - much more than doing an insta-post.

Frankly you sound not only immature, but very, very ungrateful!

Is this a joke? If not then grow up. Seriously grow up.
You are falling out over social media.
Fake forced posts on social media don't show how much a person likes you or what you mean to them .
You should say sorry to him

He's probably feeling really pissed off that he went to all that effort for your birthday and all you care about is fucking Instagram!! I don't know you or your partner but I'm guessing he has learnt his lesson about putting his relationship online as the last one went tits up and he probably feels daft about it. Maybe his ex was always on at him to put stuff online and that's why he did it, you'll never know. Your 'friend' is a dick as well, why tell you that, also might not be true If she is jealous. If you want the relationship to last I suggest you drop this complaint sharpish. He's probably sick to the back teeth of hearing it.

He probably felt pressured into posting about his ex because (like you) she would disapprove and be unhappy with him if he didn't.. he's now realised it ultimately made no difference to the relationship so he has decided going forward so he doesn't want to do something that makes him uncomfortable because he feels pressured to.

I can't believe you would ruin your own birthday after he went to such an effort for you over something so pathetic!

What s best option

You get treated to something nice and you know it Because you were there in real life

You get treated very meh but get a gushing post on social media?

If I was him I’d be finishing with you after this. He did all the important stuff and made sure you had a good day. Yet he’s in the bad books for not plastering it over social media so everyone can see what a great life you have. I don’t wish to sound harsh but you seem very immature and rather pathetic.