DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

Ah - a millennial in the wild

Kindly take a moment to think about why you want the post on social media. In the grand scheme of life other people liking your post shouldn't be the thing that makes you feel better or valued. It should be the time, memories and experiences spent with your loved ones.

Sorry, I don't see the issue. Why is this even remotely important? By your own admission he gave you a lovely day.

DH and I have never bothered to acknowledge each other's birthdays on any social media at all. Why bother with that malarkey? It's just exhibitionism.

You sound like a teenager.

I'm cringing for you. Your partner has clearly grown up since he was with his ex. I suggest you do the same.

This reminds me of when Michelle Williams from Destiny's Child got abuse from Beyonce fans for posting nothing on social media about the birth of Beyonce's child... and Michelle pointed out that she had actually, you know, congratulated Beyonce in person. Some people think that if wasn't posted on Instagram, it didn't happen.

My husband and I aren’t even FB friends. He doesn’t see the point of it when we live together. I don’t advertise my birthday on FB either. I don’t feel the need to get “happy birthday” messages and then have to send “thanks” repeatedly.

That just gives them oxygen and scope to explain to you why it's so relevant and important.

If you (and everyone else) just ignored the idiots, they'd stop.

Happy sweet 16th xxxx

Grow up

Massive red flag. Thoughtful presents and a lovely dinner out count as nothing if your special day is not acknowledged by a gushing post on social media. Dump him immediately. He sounds evil.

But other people wouldn’t see and like the pose which she needs for validation.

OP, I can't believe your friend actually messaged you to ask if you were okay because your boyfriend didn't post anything online for your birthday 😄Come on. You need to stop hanging around with people who are as obsessed with social media as you are. I actually admire your boyfriend for refusing to get dragged into this nonsense.

You’ve got a very childish group of friends, you all need to grow up.

I can’t imagine tracking my friends social media post to the extent I know her bf didn’t post about her birthday and automatically conclude that they must be having issues.

You come across as those people who prioritize the perfect wedding and photos for social media, no kids, no this no that while ignoring the actual health of your marriage/relationship. You don’t care who is excluded or hurt as long as you get that perfect shot for instagram.

This should be a huge red flag for him.

Op, gently, this really is a non-issue. Him being more interested in reality (ie actually celebrating your birthday with you) than social media image, is. A GOOD THING!

I think you should split up, OP.

He sounds like a decent bloke who made a really good effort for your birthday. You sound ungrateful, petty and demanding.

Not everyone wants to live their life through performative posts on social media, even if that's the norm for you and your friends. It's very shallow to care about this kind of stuff.

I would end the relationship if I were your partner. If I had planned a lovely day for my partner, bought thoughtful gifts, spent quality time together and then they demanded I posted something about them on social media, then ruined the evening having a strop because I wouldn’t do what I was told…… then it would be huge red flags and relationship ending for me.

I couldn’t be with someone so emotionally immature, so bossy, so childish. Especially in a new relationship!

So glad my husband doesn’t have any form of social media.

This post, OP and clearly some of her friends, is a perfect example of what is going wrong with society.
Not being able to differentiate between fantasy and reality is a massive issue

Sounds like he - like most people - has grown up and grown out of announcing stuff on social media.

If that's more important to you than the genuinely nice things he did for your birthday, that's a YOU problem and you should let him go.

Maybe he used to pay about his ex because he was younger and an idiot and has now grown up. You do know OP that most of us seeing these gushy posts between couples are all thinking which one of them is cheating.

This is not something that the majority of people would do or care about.
I rarely use Facebook , have no Instagram or LinkedIn . I could not give a monkey about my husband posting about my birthday.

Your “friends” are shit stirrers enjoying the drama. Step back from social media like he clearly has and you’ll see how much better things are

OP, how long ago was he posting about his ex? I think you might be getting a harder time on this thread than you deserve, but you have missed relevant context imo!

As I already said, I am one of the wives (definitely not a wifey) whose Middle aged husband does it. I hate it. His best friend does it too and I doubt his wife pressures him, she’s not that sort of person. Come to think of it, my best friends fiance does it too. The more I think, the more everyone seems to rave about their partners birthdays on social media.

I have seen it from lots of men, men who seem to reasonable and normal.
We don’t have to blame everything on women demanding shit from men who just give in to their female whims - that’s such a shitty view.

I think you'd have to be a complete loser to put more importance on a social media post for other people than somebody actually marking your birthday in a special and thoughtful way.

Ditto. How embarrassing. I have nieces from 18-32, who all have a social media presence, & NONE of them would act like this. Because they have their priorities right ie a good relationship in real life.

I find this post so sad.

Edited to add that I have boys who have limited SM presence, so not relevant here: I'm not saying it's all women who have this sad POV.