DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

It's shallow, immature and ungrateful. Sounds like he put a lot of effort in and you're not thankful. Did you know that 'showy' relationships are less likely to last long-term?

What did your mates at school say when you told them?

Personally I find it cringe when a couple who have spent the day together feel the need to do these happy birthday etc posts because to me it shouts that they are more interested in what other people think than simply enjoying their day together. He has told you outright this is something he doesnt want to do and I think you should respect that, especially given how much effort he put in IRL!

Yabu. My friends entire family are so ott with Facebook posts on each other's birthdays, love you to the moon and back shite. They practically live in each other's pockets, see each other every day and speak on the phone, this Is 3 seperate families. They also wish dead family members happy heavenly birthdays. I could cringe inside out when I see them. Be grateful he made an effort in real life.

Yeah this would be a deal breaker for me and I mean that I would be your DP

If my boyfriend of a year went into a childlike strop for not saying happy birthday on the internet when I showed how much I cared in real life then it would probably be the last birthday we spent together

Is this a hill you want to die on?

I’d be absolutely mortified if I had to use my pretty dormant socials to make a gushing birthday post for someone. Do you want to make your boyfriend do something completely out of character and potentially a bit embarrassing for him?

What is it about being publicly acknowledged that you need here? That you don’t care if it’s forced or not suggests it’s much more your concern about what other people think than anything intrinsic about your relationship… I would examine what’s truly important to you here and why…

In my experience and DH agrees, the couples always gushing over each other on social media are the ones who are usually having problems and end up splitting up. Normal people are just getting on with spending time together! Like your DP says it might be more appropriate if you were apart for you birthday but even then it’s a bit cringe

These day he only posts the odd story when at football or something, I don’t think he has ever even put me on his story and I have posted him on my grid and in reels etc regularly.

One of my friends used to work with him and so has had him on insta for a few years and she said he always used to put his ex on his story,
which makes me feel a bit shit x

OP I think you should release this poor bloke back into the wild. He doesn't share your shallow, social media, insta, celebrity wannabe little world. To be honest, most people over the age of 14 would see that as attractive. Do him a big favour and find someone just as superficial as you.

Sooo you're a clout chaser ?!? Where clicks and likes count more than the gifts lunch and special day he gave you so you became frosty towards him instead ? So he made an excuse and legged it out of there sharpish ! I think you need to grow up a little and appreciate what he DID rather than what he didn't do 🤔

Another team husband here. If only there were more like him. Stop valuing this pointless nonsense.

Yes, but you don't know whether 'wifey' is going to throw the mother of all strops if they don't.

Wow.

Wow are you at school ?

It saddens me that a woman in her late 20s can care about 'socials so much. So meaningless and shallow. He sounds kind, generous and grounded. And maybe a little more intelligent?

Maybe something happened in the past that put him off sharing too much personal/girlfriend stuff online.

So, is this really about your insecurity re: his ex?

I would dump a man that did a gushy, wanky birthday post like that. Say it to my actual face!! I couldn’t give a fucking monkeys about the drivel on Facebook. And in my experience those that shout the loudest about their ‘rock’ their ‘other half’ ‘best friend’ blah blah blah are the ones that are having the rockiest time behind the scenes. The happiest ones are the ones who don’t need to write that tripe.

Me and my DH write nice things in our cards. I’d hit the fucking roof if he wrote it on FB. All those dickheads that write ‘beautiful on the inside and out!’ Jesus.

Your boyfriend sounds like a cool guy. Don’t fuck it up over a non existent FB post. Concentrate on actual real life.

@Changeyourlifes "I do think it’s important to be in a relationship where you’re on the same page when it comes to social media." 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

100% this. I can't stand the whole "my darling I love you to the moon and back...." as if it's a private message that we've all somehow been given a glimpse of.

Same when people write similar messages to their children who aren't able to read yet for the benefit of their followers "darling DS, you are wise and bold and beautiful yada yada yada". Euwwww.

It's one thing to want to say publicly 'it's this person's birthday and I want you all to know that I adore them for these reasons'. Fair enough (though OP you YABVVVU to expect / insist on that). But to frame it as if you're writing it directly to them and visually cc'ing the rest of us is grim.

Was it your 10th birthday because that’s the type of stroppy behaviour I would expect from a child not an adult especially over something as ridiculous as social media.

No, it's not a minimum expectation in this day and age. I know a lot of people who used to do this and none of them do any more because it's completely cringe.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

Didn't happen if it wasn't documented on the socials, right?

Your boyfriend sounds lovely, thoughtful, caring and definitely a keeper.

You sound like you'd throw a hissy fit if he didn't reply to a text within minutes.
In other words, you're not such a good'un. You've got some growing up to do still.

Me and my DH take the piss out of couples that do this. We always say ‘Aren’t you lying next to them? Just tell them you love them, why post it on the internet?

It’s because people are deeply insecure and need public validation.