DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

It's only embarrassing because you choose to be embarrassed. The alternative is to say that everything is fine, he is just not a social media monkey.

It's what someone does in person that shows how much they care.

When my friend was unwell and bed bound for a few weeks her husband batch cooked home made soups and other things she could heat up easily while he was at work, and arranged for friends/family to pop in.

He could have just done a big Get Well Soon on Facebook.

I know which one I would have preferred.

I say happy birthday to people on social media when I’m not going to see them, in place of a birthday card. It wouldn’t occur to me to do a post about my husband when I’m spending the day with him.

Are you 13 years old?
Get over yourself.

He may have posted a birthday message to an ex-girlfriend a few years ago when he was in his early twenties, but has since grown up and realised how childish this is.

No, sorry, but what's really embarrassing is that you care so much about the perception of your relationship on social media rather than spending time with your partner in real life.
Delete instragram and live your life!

I don't think this is really an area you can compromise on, so if he feels strongly about it, then he is right to say no.

Personally I would expect my closest people to acknowledge things like this. I’m not sure if it would be a deal breaker for me; but if it’s something you see as a sign of affection then that is valid.

But it isn't valid. And yeah, I'm an old fart but honestly...this is crazy.

Prioritising a social media post over an actual real-life event to the extent that the lack of the social media post will ruin the real-life event (and possibly the entire relationship) isn't a valid position. It just isn't. It's fucked-up, actually.

I’ll tell you what is embarrassing……the need for social media to announce something personal!! Get a grip.

What a waste of a good man.

I wouldn’t worry about it happening again as if he has any sense he’ll run for the hills and find an adult to have a relationship with.

You sound pathetic.

As a single person I find social media posts like this really painful x

I would never post something for anyone's birthday on Social Media and I would feel really embarrassed if my DH did for me.

None of my friends are really into it either.

I can see it is important to you, but can I gently suggest that your priorities seem a bit off.

I would far rather a man who made an effort and was sweet to me in real life that one who said words that provided public validation. And you may say "I deserve both", which is fine...

But honestly, a man who isn't obsessed with social media is a blessing.

The only one being embarrassing here is you. Just tell your friend that he's not big on SM, he wished you happy birthday in person and you had a lovely day.
But tbh if he doesn't LTB over this I'd be surprised, just because you have surrounded yourself with equally vapid and juvenile friends doesn't make it normal.
SM birthday posts from/to family or partners are really cringey, just wishing a happy birthday to fb friends when you see it pop up is basically instead of birthday cards to casual friends and acquaintances imo, fine, pretty meaningless but a nice acknowledgement if you don't see them in person.
Big posts full of pics and soppy messages are performative and unnecessary. It's far more meaningful in person.

I have NEVER posted any of my nearest or dearest or myself on SM! And I never will.

Quite frankly this reflects on you as very superficial. DP already said he wouldn't post on SM, but had otherwise spoilt you. I think you probably need to look for another partner who is also as interested in external appearances, as you are.

I'm mostly astounded he didn't dump her then and there.. I certainly would have.

So after a lovely day, thoughtful presents, lunch in a nice place OP wanted to go, she kicks up a fuss and is 'icy' because he didn't plaster his 'love' all over insta? Jesus.

I usually hate all the 'that's the most .... thing I've heard/read/seen in my entire life', but this is genuinely one of the most pathetic things I've read. At least on here. Just embarrassing. Would be understandable if they were tweens/young teens maybe, but people in their late 20s...

Vapid, brain melting shite is spot on 😂

I know a family who all wish each other Happy Birthday on social media even though they live in the same house.

I just find it odd I'm afraid OP.

@BrightLJ I haven't read the full thread, but you didn't say if he ever posts on Instagram, what sort of things he posts and how often and this really makes a difference. If he is prolific and posts things about his personal life and friends with relative frequency - then yes. I would be hurt as I'd read it as a signal that his commitment is a bit weak and that he's not wanting to appear attached on his socials. Does he post about you at all?

It's entirely relative though. If he never posts, it is a non issue

OP, your friend sounds like a bit of a knob. Imagine if there had been something wrong? Instead of waiting for you to confide in she wades with a stupid, puerile comment.

I understand that you live by social media but your partner doesn't. I can't imagine being still so daft at 20+ that you think what he does matters less than posting on social media?

You can't 'make him' and nor should you try. Find someone else if public adoration is all important to you. I can tell you that you're missing a trick and if you don't knock it off, he'll go and find someone else for whom keeping life events between the couple matters more.

Most of us don't. It seems it was for him to wish @BrightLJ Happy Birthday and to announce everything he did for her for her birthday because him simply doing all that in real life meant very little to her. Sigh.

My dad and brother would not even think to post something about my mum or DSIL, yet they both worship the ground they walk on...on the flip side My best friends husband would post a massive gushing message about her on SM and how much he loves her and how special she is and what a wonderful birthday she's having, all whilst cheating on her and punching the shit out of her.

It means absolutely fuck all frankly. he has acknowledged your birthday to your face, by celebrating you and you've kicked off like a moody teenager. you and your friend are pathetic

YABU. Pathetic.

He’s obviously grown since then, you may want to try it!

This is hilarious 😂 😆 poor bloke.