DP refuses to acknowledge my birthday on social media

[BrightLJ]

It was my birthday yesterday - me and my DP officially got together around this time last year so this was the first birthday he was properly ‘with’ me for for.

He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to.

For DP’s birthday a few months ago I did a big post on my insta grid, with photos of us and a loving caption.

I thought DP would have done the same for
me yesterday. It got to early evening and I still
hadn’t been tagged by him or noticed anything on his profile so I asked him if he was planning on doing this.

He said no, that he has wished me happy birthday in person and that he didn’t see the point in posting something publicly when he’d spent all day with me. I said it would mean a lot to me if he did but he again said no and that he isn’t really a social media type of person and always felt these sort of posts were unnecessary unless the two people were apart.

I was admittedly a bit frosty with him after this and the evening didn’t really go as planned, he was meant to stay over at mine but said he wasn’t feeling great and went home.

I’ve messaged him today to say I was a bit hurt by him not posting and that it felt as though he wasn’t proud of us. He’s basically replied to say again he’s not that type of man and it isn’t something he will ever do.

Am I unreasonable to ask for this, it’s a minimum expectation in this day and age surely?

I'm astounded you ruined your own birthday evening because of this nonsense.
I'm not astounded that your DP left.
He told you he isn't into that rubbish and rightly so.
If you want to keep him I suggest you apologise profusely and never mention anything like this ever again.

Is there an ex or a prospective boyfriend you want to show off to?

I’m in my 20s and understand what you mean OP. Ignore the people telling you that this isn’t important. It’s important to you and that’s okay.

Ultimately younger generations grew up with social media so it will have innate connotations. I don’t think social media is the highest priority - but it is simultaneously naive to ignore it. It’s here to stay and has its own set of social norms, stigma and customs, whereby feelings can genuinely be hurt over things like this.

The thing is everyone uses it differently. Some of my friends post everything, others only post special things, others post nothing and the odd few only post random shit. Everyone engages in their own way. I do think it’s important to be in a relationship where you’re on the same page when it comes to social media.

Personally I would expect my closest people to acknowledge things like this. I’m not sure if it would be a deal breaker for me; but if it’s something you see as a sign of affection then that is valid.

"He made the day really special, thoughtful presents, a nice day out with a lunch somewhere I have always wanted to go to."

So then you sulked like a petulant child because he didn't fawn all over you on social media which meant you couldnt display your great relationship and attentive "fella" and impress the vacuous mouth breathers who live for and on insta?

Honestly, it would be in his best interests to leave you for an adult.

Haha this must be a joke.

Facebook and such is becoming less and less used where I am.

This is one of the most pathetic posts I've ever read on MN. He should run as fast as he can.

This!

YABU - unless you are under 16. Those posts on social media make me cringe if I know they aren’t separated from each other.

If I was with you I would be annoyed by your attitude.

OK, you had me here OP, this story is obviously a wind up 😂

I disagree, loads of men that I know do it. Middle Aged men on bloody Facebook with their birthday posts to their wifeys. I hate Facebook, I have to keep mine for work, but it’s full of utter bullshit.

This is mental, why do you need performative relationship messages? I’d rethink my relationship if my partner did this, so strange and narcissistic.

Embarrassing? Really embarrassing? Really?

It seems you're ignoring pretty much everyone on this thread telling you you're acting ridiculous and immature about this.

I find a lot of people who do gushing posts like this 'to' their partners/spouses on social media are actually having all kinds of relationship issues and it's just a 'show' to keep up with the Joneses, essentially.

Surely you'd be better off focusing on your actual relationship than making sure everyone and their dog knows about your 'great' relationship, no?

I really wouldn’t take notice. I never post anything soppy about my partner. I don’t feel like anyone cares / needs to know how much I love them.

It's nothing to be embarrassed about, you just say something like "yes we're fine I had a fantastic birthday, BF was so thoughtful & made it a really special for me, I'm going to post pictures later, but he's just not a social media junkie."
It's really not important, but the real life part is, you're making a petty issue into a ridiculous drama, it's a you problem, that you need to work on.

If my DH asked why I hadn’t done a birthday post on social media for him, I think I would be a little bit sick in my mouth, and my vag might heal over a bit as well

Wow? Is this real? Grow up, he doesn't need to post on social media. I always do one for my partner and he never does one for me but there are more important things than a stupid social media post

Actually no post it yourself, along with your age, I'll guess your mother's maiden name from the friends who respond and it's easy enough to find your address. Great id theft all set up.

Now just give me your bank details as I am actually a Nigerian government official who's got details of ceased money from the German government in ww2 that has been sat forgotten in a bank account here in Nigeria for 80+ years....I will split it with you. It's about £7m

I'm gonna give you some home truths.

You are insecure about your relationship and you want all his ex girlfriends to see via social media how much he loves you and how amazing you are.

There is no other explanation.

You need to work on your self esteem and figure out why you feel insecure like this.

Dear God, you can’t be serious. He sounds like a really decent thoughtful person - but you need to be posted about on social media? I’m in my fifties but this is not an age thing. DS and his GF don’t do this and they’re in their twenties.

You sound about 12! Be glad for a nice birthday in real life and switch off your social media!

Go on, I bet you posted all the things you did for your birthday too!

Your best friends have WAY too much spare time if they can scroll through your insta looking for posts that didn’t happen!

But it wouldn’t be a one off, would it? Doing it once would create an expectation that it’ll happen every year. It’s a bit odd that this seems to matter more to you than how he chose to celebrate you.

He did though!!!

he did acknowledge your birthday!!! Oh that’s so mean……..

he did acknowledge whole day for you. What do you mean he didn’t acknowledge it?

what an awful thing to say after what he did for you.

So, he made the day special, with thoughtful presents etc and you ruined it by petulant due to the perceived slight over the absence of a SM post.
Jesus...

You have acted terribly here, why do you think you need public validation on your relationship?

there is nothing wrong with keeping a relationship off social media