Stepchildren and uni costs

[Soootired23]

The other day my DSS came in catasrophising that he wouldn't be able to afford uni.

His maths show him his loan will only cover (he'll get the second highest amount) his rent and maybe some extra bits, but that realistically it will.mostly go on rent.

Then I told him that what his DF gives his DM as maintenance would go straight to him, so that would help too. He still was panicking about it. I then said we'd help with something like the grocery shopping (I'm thinking £150 a month, which to me seems ok, considering I only spend £500 for a "modular" family of 6).
So ultimately his "luxuries" would have to come from any sort of job he can get while at uni.

He was a bit more chilled after the convo, but I'm concerned he think we'll "rescue" him, which we 100% don't plan to. DH is with me on this, but I think all of his parental figure is need to sit down with him and explain it to him, but my DH thinks that's not needed and overkill.

For context, we make more than double than his DM and step dad, we go on holidays abroad, etc .. So he might hunk we can "afford" more, but we still have other 3 DC to support one way or the other.

So I guess is our approach unreasonable?

So how much will he have to live on after the loan, the maintenance and your grocery contribution? Plus any contribution from his mum?

I think it's fine to tell him to budget within his means, as long as he has enough for the basics.

It’s very standard for students to need to work these days. Or go to a local uni and live at home. He will manage.

How old is he?

He needs to choose uni according to where he can afford. Rent in Bradford very different from costs in Edinburgh or Oxford.
OR get summer jobs or part time jobs to fund uni.
Being a manny - in the summer or after school pick ups - is a great way to make decent money.

does your maintenance plus the loan take him to the full loan amount? will you stop paying his mum and pay him direct - what about the holidays? it’s a while since mine were at uni but they only got the maintenance loan. we paid the rent ourselves (around 6k from what I remember ) and they could live off the maintenance loan or get a job to top up but my understanding is that rents/everything else have gone up a lot and the loan amounts have not kept pace. 150 month on top for food sounds like a more than generous amount to be honest for one person.

He's 17... And from our household he'll get around £300 a month (maybe a bit less)

My DS was concerned about costs so lives at home and works part time. He chose a local uni.
His friends all moved away, their loan doesn't cover rent and food. Some are supported by parents, some work. Work isn't always easy due to number of students and how many hours your courses is. For those supported by parents the support ranges from £500 a month, to a lump sum at the start of year 1, to someone's parents do a food shop delivery once a week.

He should stop panicking and start making a proper list of what student life will cost and how he’ll fund it.

The system of loans being based on parental income is beyond ridiculous, they’re adults embarking on adult life and this infantilising is daft.

If all the parental figures are going to be on the hook for support he needs to sit down with everyone separately or together.

Be extremely clear what your household can realistically do to help, knowing the other children also need equivalent support and get his mum and dad (depending on who you are) to make sure he’s being realistic and you’re not writing a blank cheque. He probably needs to work while studying, millions of students do.

Why would sitting down and doing a budget be unreasonable???

All incomings vs all outgoings. And where all incomings are coming from, eg, loan, £x/month parental contribution, £x/month part time job, etc. Seems reasonable to me, and a good way to avoid last-minute panic calls to the Bank of Mum & Dad.

If he is using his loan to pay for catered halls then £300 on top is a lot to play with. If the rent is for non catered halls then he might well need to get a part time job (things like student laundry are shockingly expensive). If he doesn't already have a job it might be worth suggesting he starts looking for one (now or after exams next term). Often if a student can get a job at home with a big retailer they will switch them between locations so they can work at uni in term time and at home in the holidays. If he can drive a summer holiday job as a delivery driver usually pays better.

Student jobs are hard to come by. If DSS can swim I would recommend getting the lifeguard qualification- known as the NPLQ. It takes a week and costs £300ish. There is a national shortage of lifeguards so with the qualification it is easy to get a job.

DC2 is a 2nd year student in London and has been doing an 11-hour shifts on Sundays and earning £160 each time.

They also work as a lifeguard at home in the holidays. So DC2 has 2 jobs - one for term time and one for holidays.

And just to be clear, if he doesn’t qualify for the full living costs student loan, which is based on parental income, the government expectation is that the parents make up the shortfall. It’s not legally enforceable, but it is the government’s expectation that parents do fund that shortfall.

Yeah, definitely not in my house. The student loan system (rightly or wrongly) assumes that parents will top up funding based on income, so that is what we do.

I certainly wouldn’t be telling my DC capable of getting into Oxford or Edinburgh to go to Bradford for cost reasons.

So how much will he have overall?

We have told him a few times that he should get a job, but he's always dreaming about his dream job (working at a cafe at times that suit). I'm of the idea that should live in the uni halls, as it's cheaper and a nice experience (it was for me at least).

The CM money would go to him the months he's at uni at back to his DM when he's at home.

He's not the first in his family to go to uni (on his DFs side he's the first generation that go), his DM didn't go, but his grandad did, so it's a bit of a bigger deal to him.

What I'm trying to understand is whether he will have the equivalent of the full student loan with what he can borrow, your top-ups and any contributions from his other parent. Are you able to clarify?

My approach has been to top up to max loan. One dc has ended up with substantially more as she gets the London loan and the discrepancy is higher. The eldest 3 have all picked different paths so have different ways of dealing with their funding - one went to v cheap uni and has worked a bit but doesn’t need to work to live ( didn’t work at all in final year), one went to a more expensive city and worked (and needed the work), and the London child took a year out and worked full time for approx 14 months before starting (also worked when there but for extra rather than rent and food). Youngest is looking at apprenticeship and idk what is really “fair” in terms of financial support as his siblings have had quite a lot. They have to know exactly the amount that they will have through the loan and parental top ups before applying so can make sensible choices - it’s not fair to encourage a naive 17yo with no job to apply to Bath or Edinburgh if there is no financial plan in place - you cannot live in lots of university cities on max loan alone. The plan does not have to be “go to Hull instead of Imperial” - it can be “work and save some money” or “take a year out” or “don’t apply to the posh new halls that are £100 a week more than the ones down the road”. I think you need to be absolutely blatant about what you are prepared to give. It’s not fair to hint and suggest and leave them anxious. If mum and dad are going to fund to top of loan between them and you are happy to give £150 a month extra then tell him and tell him that’s his lot and if he needs extra he will need to work. If his mum and dad aren’t going to top up to max loan then he is going to struggle. If his rent is covered by the loan and you are giving him £300 a month then even without working he won’t starve. One thing is he may need a lump sum as deposit for 2nd year accommodation quite early in first year so may come looking for an advance .

My DD received lowest maintenance loan. We paid her accommodation and gave her £200 per month during term time, she worked most of the time at uni,

Oh yes 100% even worst case scenario he'd have exactly the same as a full loan.

Can he find a uni where he can live at home?

Then yanbu. He needs to learn to cut his cloth.

How much will he have to live off of altogether?

My two get the minimum and we top up by £6k (so about 10.5 - 11 k total)per year and they manage fine. (We also pay mobile plus top them up with shopping from time to time when we go visit etc plus they live with us for free during the uni holidays)

One ekes that money out and doesn't work -lives quite a simple life.

One works pretty much full time during Uni holidays and splashes out on overseas holidays and disposable fashion.

The only thing I can see being an issue is that presumably his DM is on a lowish income as he gets quite a high loan. Is she going to be able to afford to support him during holidays if you remove the maintenance? She might need to ask him for rent during holidays to make ends meet.

Nope! The one thing he wants is to get as far away as he can from here (and I don't blame him!) plus they don't offer Psychology.

YANBU to sit him down and go through his budget, potential jobs he could apply for and credit that’ll be available to him.

How much time does he spend with you and are you expecting that pattern to continue when he’s at uni? I wouldn’t be continuing to pay CMS to his mum; apart from a few months in the first summer I didn’t come home from uni at all other than the occasional weekend.

(And he’ll still have to pay rent during holidays in his uni town if he’s not in halls, so why would you pay his mum instead of him?)

He'll get £10.5k to live/pay rent.

His DM would still get the money when he's home. CM is not that much but that's because his on a lowish salary