Stepchildren and uni costs

[Soootired23]

The other day my DSS came in catasrophising that he wouldn't be able to afford uni.

His maths show him his loan will only cover (he'll get the second highest amount) his rent and maybe some extra bits, but that realistically it will.mostly go on rent.

Then I told him that what his DF gives his DM as maintenance would go straight to him, so that would help too. He still was panicking about it. I then said we'd help with something like the grocery shopping (I'm thinking £150 a month, which to me seems ok, considering I only spend £500 for a "modular" family of 6).
So ultimately his "luxuries" would have to come from any sort of job he can get while at uni.

He was a bit more chilled after the convo, but I'm concerned he think we'll "rescue" him, which we 100% don't plan to. DH is with me on this, but I think all of his parental figure is need to sit down with him and explain it to him, but my DH thinks that's not needed and overkill.

For context, we make more than double than his DM and step dad, we go on holidays abroad, etc .. So he might hunk we can "afford" more, but we still have other 3 DC to support one way or the other.

So I guess is our approach unreasonable?

I think he is right to plan/panic now rather than arriving and struggling with costs on top of all the other new things and budgeting together is sensible and not overkill.
Work out exactly what he will get, what you will contribute and his likely costs - depending on where he is applying to. Then he will likely have to get a job and not his dream job unfortunately. The sooner he starts looking at the type of things on offer job wise in the place he will be the better he will be prepared.
He could also join forums for his uni choices and ask on there about the type of jobs that are most easily found.

His options are Cardiff, Manchester, York, and Birmingham. I don't any of them is particularly expensive, but I haven't sat down and done my own "research".

I feel he definitely needs a spreadsheet and figure out money coming in and out. Then he'll see he has no other option but to get a job.

uni is VERY expensive.

Many have to Iive away from home to get the course they want, and in most, halls are only available in the first year.

my daughter is in her second year - bog standard room in a private student accommodation is £560 per month, not including bills, and that’s for the whole calendar year (there aren’t any term time only rents).

that’s more than her student loan just on rent.

we pay her bills, groceries, uni supplies and travel home regularly, which comes to about £500 per month.

luckily we had a gap between uni for the kids otherwise we would have struggled.

Yes, lots of students have a PT job, including my dd. But the amount that students can borrow is determined by their parents' income, and the government expects parents to make up the difference to the maximum loan amount.

Parents who don't provide the expected parental contribution are letting their kids down. A PT job should be on top of this, not instead of.

ETA These comments clearly don't apply to the OP and her DH because they will be providing the expected parental contribution. If the DSS wants more than that, then I agree, he will need to get a job.

Uni halls is usually only an option in first year, just fyi. From second year onwards, he’ll have to rent privately, paying for the whole year - and most students find their second year flats in the first term of first year, so he’ll need to have enough saved up for the deposit at that point.

Is the set up that you have two SC, SS followed by a slightly younger SD, a teen DD of your own and one younger one shared with your husband?

Definitely look at how much it’ll all cost in a few years. Undergrads get funding for four years if they retake a year; will you have any cross over with more than one child at uni? If you’re on a reasonably high salary your daughter will get a low loan and you don’t want to overcommit yourself now.

Personally I’d commit to sending SS £250 monthly as you’ve already said you would, if it’s affordable for the next four+ years, but make it very clear that there’ll be no bailing out or allowances or anything on top of that. He’ll almost certainly run out of money in the first year and it’s a learning experience. He may come to you for money and you may give it to him, but you don’t want it to be the expectation every time he’s feeling short. And don’t agree to pay his mum anything, that’s madness!

I’m in a similar position to you and won’t be paying anything to my SC’s uni costs. You’re already being very generous!

Yeah at least the way he is (as in no real urgency for saving/getting a job) that ain't gonna happen. And something that I/his father/his mother are not aware of.

It’s based on their resident parent’s income, so theoretically his mum should be making up the difference.

OP and SS’s dad are actually offering double what was paid for CMS, that’s unusually generous and indirectly half is from OP. The SS is lucky to have a stepparent who wants to fund her adult stepchild.

Something to communicate to him now then…

He’ll have a significant interest-free student overdraft OP, that’s what covered a lot of mine and my friends’ costs. Or often halls require a deposit which is paid with the first loan payment, which he’ll get back at the end of the year and put to his next accommodation.

A lot of this is impossible to predict at the moment because you don’t know where he’s going. Once you do, sit down with him and do a budget. But no harm in setting expectations now.

Are you currently paying for everything for him above maintenance levels?

Yes correct, that's the setup.

My DD will have the very minimum loan. There will be an overlap between both girls (of two years) BUT at the very least my DD who is younger has already had a job! So I'm not worried about her willingness to get one, although she spends her own money like there's no tomorrow, but that's a different question altogether. However, by the time the younger daughter goes to uni, her brother would have graduated, so it's one for the other so to speak.

Then there's the youngest one, who will have zero overlap.

Yes, it will depend on which Uni he chooses, of course.
One DD2 is at Cardiff and her costs are quite a bit lower than DD1 at Leeds. So I don't think York will be at the cheaper end. We've also got DD3 studying abroad - that's a whole other level!
Anyway, in reality £10,500.00 is going to be extremely tight. And it is not as easy as just 'get a job' anymore, they're not always easy to come by but it also depends on the course. DD1 could work but budgets like it's an extreme sport, so doesn't need to. DD3 can and does work but DD2 needs most evenings and weekends free for rehearsing, studio time, sound checks, gigs/concerts etc and so has found it really difficult to find anything to fit round that.
He also (again depending on Uni obvs) will likely find Halls prioritised for first years so would be lucky to get that in year 2/3(4). And if he does get a job he'll likely not be able to go home outside of Uni terms if he wants to keep his job, so would need living expenses for 12 months a year (ie his DM won't be able to have the money). If he knows his choices though, you can do a basic budget for each. We did that, spreadsheet with average costs (including travel to and from etc) so DDs could see what the situation would be at each.

Don't know if anyone has mentioned it yet but looking ahead (I didn't know this at the start) second and third year he will have to rent off campus with shared bills and that can be ££££££ especially if you share with someone who leaves a storage heater on day and night (for example). I found the second and third years harder to cover for both of mine.

I'm concerned he think we'll "rescue" him, which we 100% don't plan to.

What makes you think that he thinks like this?

Yes, so we cover his clothes, holidays, Xmas/bdays, concerts from this household. Plus an allowance. It's not massive all in all but the difference in quality of life between households is palpable.

Because we clearly have more disposable income than his other home.

IMO that is enough cash.
if he takes the loan, he should have some extra too. He will be fine

I'm aware that his mum is supposed to make up the difference, though morally, I think both parents should contribute according to their ability. It's a stupid system in any case, which takes into account the income of the resident stepparent while ignoring the non-resident parent. That causes a lot of problems.

I've already said that I think what the OP is offering seems perfectly reasonable.

My daughter is going to uni in September. Her maintenance loan (between £6000-7000)won’t even cover the rent for her accommodation (she’s staying in halls). We’ve said we’d pay the extra £2000 towards her accommodation, pay for books etc and I’ll try and send her some money for food each month. She has to work to afford luxuries, as she does now. She’s had a job since she’s completed her GCSE’s and plans on transferring to her local branch by uni when she goes. She often works 16+ hours a week and is planning on picking up extra shifts over the summer (her choice). She tries to save at least half of her wages. She bought a car with some inheritance but has paid her first years insurance, bought 4new tyres and replace the suspension with her savings. She also very social and does regular activities with friends, has gym membership etc, all paid for by herself. She’s found some people going to the same uni as her through social media and they are all planning on finding work as well.

How much is all that, per month? Equivalent to the extra £100-150 you’re paying now?

I’d be tempted to increase his allowance now but say it’s to cover those additional things (or savings) so he has experience of budgeting, and realises you’re not just an endless money pit.

This has been such a helpful thread! SDD is heading off to Uni and I’ve JUST discovered that DH didn’t realise loans were means tested and he had no idea we’d need to top up 🤦‍♀️ I’ve been wondering/worrying how much she’d need each year and it’s really helpful to see other posters suggesting that the max loan is good guide. I should have thought of that! Unfortunately, I know she’s looked at some accommodation which is £9kpa… I think an all parties budget conversation is needed.

Her Dad also assumed the first year was most expensive, and then she’d live in a crap house like he and I both did… I asked him if he’d wondered who all the people living in the multitude of fancy new flats around our local uni were. Is it the new norm that yrs 2 and 3 are just as/more expensive for accommodation?

Accomm got more expensive every year for my 2. Uni halls seem to be the most reasonable but Private landlords are definitely more money and it has increased each year. My first lived at home so that was v different.
Food is also more expensive, isnt it for everyone really though.
I think our outgoing for 2 at the moment comes in about 4k a month for both, breaking down fees, rent, food, living, driving etc etc.
But its an investment and they are doing great degrees, one is nearly done and has 3 job offers already, the other is specialising in her field for another bit, more money lol but it will pay off.
They dont have PT jobs, they have done a bit in the summer but we dont want them working in termtime. It really depends on your circumstance and what degree they are doing. We are lucky, well its not luck, its hard work, but we are lucky we can afford it.
They are very aware of their privilage and they pay it forward a lot in their own lives, they are also very appreciative and are very good with their finances and managing what we give them.

Halls are often cheaper. Private rentals are often 51 weeks and need guarantor.
Looking at accommodation costs is a big part of deciding where to go.
Some may be in yp’s control eg choosing none en-suite but if they are at insurance choice or through clearing they may get stuck with only expensive accommodation. My dd’s friend is at York through clearing and pays over £9000 for halls. My dc’s accommodation at a different university none en-suite is only £6000.

Offer days often include talks for parents re finances and accommodation costs etc. I’d encourage dad to go with yp. Offer days are usually around this time of year.

He might genuinely struggle to get a job. Friend of mine her son has applied for 96 part time jobs to keep him going while at college. Admittedly he is 17yo so can't apply for bar work but was applying for barista, shops work, cafes, restaurants, etc. He just got one thankfully, but competition is fierce.