Stepchildren and uni costs

[Soootired23]

The other day my DSS came in catasrophising that he wouldn't be able to afford uni.

His maths show him his loan will only cover (he'll get the second highest amount) his rent and maybe some extra bits, but that realistically it will.mostly go on rent.

Then I told him that what his DF gives his DM as maintenance would go straight to him, so that would help too. He still was panicking about it. I then said we'd help with something like the grocery shopping (I'm thinking £150 a month, which to me seems ok, considering I only spend £500 for a "modular" family of 6).
So ultimately his "luxuries" would have to come from any sort of job he can get while at uni.

He was a bit more chilled after the convo, but I'm concerned he think we'll "rescue" him, which we 100% don't plan to. DH is with me on this, but I think all of his parental figure is need to sit down with him and explain it to him, but my DH thinks that's not needed and overkill.

For context, we make more than double than his DM and step dad, we go on holidays abroad, etc .. So he might hunk we can "afford" more, but we still have other 3 DC to support one way or the other.

So I guess is our approach unreasonable?

It sounds like current CMS is about £150, OP is planning to up their monthly contribution to £300, so £3600 a year. Then student loan of about £7000 so about £10,500 total? £10,500 is the max loan (whose parents won’t be able to send extra) so there’ll be plenty of people in a similar boat to him. He will need to get a job.

OP is doubling the CMS amount really affordable for your household, given you have three other children? Will you be able to offer that to all the other children when it’s their time, especially if you’ll have more than one at uni at once?

Please check the sums - my daughter has just finished uni and she got £9k loan for tuition fees and around £1.5k per term to live on. So £13.5k in total per year. We paid her accommodation which was around £650/month when she left last summer - she was in Manchester. Uni halls were around £400 the first year but most uni's you can only stay in halls for the first year as there is not enough accommodation for students so it is very unusual to be in halls for the whole 3/4 years. I can't see where the £10.5k comes from - does this not include tuition fees? If it does that is £1.5k for a year to live on which is impossible? Or are the tuition fees on top which would mean he is borrowing £20k per year?

As the higher earner (am female) in my divorce our consent order (on finances) said I support the children at university no matter with which parent they live. So I would start by checking what any court sealed or decided consent order says on this issue - some refer to tertiary education.

Next it sounds like the boy gets a lot more than if he lived with his father because his maintenance loan is higher as a result but still not the maximum.

Third, it sounds like you have reassured him. What parents pay will depend on their income. I am reasonably well off so |I chose to pay even the university fees of £9250 a year per twin (I had 2 at Bristol at once) plus paid their rent direct to the university/landlord and paid them an allowance which I paid weekly so they could never run out of money . Other parents choose to pay nothing or can afford nothing and pay termly or annually to allow children to learn to budget but I was happy paying the weekly standing order which I also started in July before they went so they had a build of funds for the very expensive freshers' week.

Presumably he does not know if he will get his first choice place yet but once he does rents are on the websites of the university.
It might be worth checking if he is likely to do any post grad too. I paid law school fees for example for post grad for some of mine and was happy to do so as that is a good career (my twin sons qualified as solicitors last year so it has all felt worth it.
However my court order said I had to continue paying the 5 sets of day private school fees so for me university just felt like extending that pain by a few more years.

A lot depends on where he goes and what subject he does. My niece did a humanities subject Russell Group university and had such little contact time that she got an office job in her second term. She did three days a week till she graduated with a 2.1 and was absolutely coining it! She’s smart, well-organised and was always quite grown up so that obviously helped but it’s worth thinking outside the box with part time jobs. Definitely look beyond the usual student jobs, especially if he’s in a big city

edited to remove identifying info

Psychology?? Oh no!
I thought this was now rated one of the worse courses to take for job market? Has he researched what job he can get with that degree?

You definitely need to be clear that money goes to him, not a combination of him and his mum. It’s just going to get messy otherwise.

Are you expected to pro-rata the payments if he goes home for a long weekend? What if he plans to stay at uni for Easter, spends the money, then goes to his mum’s - are you expected to pay twice?

The good news is he’ll have barely any contact hours, so plenty of time for the cafe job…

My DDs maintenance loan covered rent and left them with between £30-150 a month. We sent £200 a month (previously their pocket money, clubs and phone bill) They both worked, dc 2 worked in a shop before she went then got a job in a cafe within a few weeks of starting uni. Dc 2 worked at McDonald’s so transferred branches. Both earned £400-600 a month plenty to live on with our £200.

Part time job for his going out money definitely needed and will be good experience.
Sounds like his fees and living xpenses are covered..
What is he panicking about?
Does he know how to do a spreadsheet budget? Its a good life skill to know how yo do your household budget and someone needs to do it with him if he doesnt know how to do it.

Both my eldest two were panicked by costs when they started university and in their respective first years needed a bit more support but now managing fine. They learn to cut their cloth quick enough.

neither have term time jobs due to commitments/availability but both do some sort of work over their summers which gives them a buffer.

As he’s 17 I’m wondering if you’re in Scotland? We live in a tourist area so cafe jobs are well paid. My DS worked full-time from finishing his exams to starting uni, so almost 4 months. Your DSS still has time to build up a small nest egg if he does similar. Even working at minimum wage, no tips, for 30hrs a week for 16 weeks would make him over £3,500.

I’m just going in the info from the OP that they are paying CM to the child’s mother during holiday time specifically because the mother is keeping him in the holidays.

All of those logistics I don't know! We assume he'd come back and stay with his DM, and just pop in with us when he wants to.

But that's part of the bigger conversation. I think psychology is an ok degree for him though, he seems to like it, and he's done a 180 academically so I do support he should go to uni. The thing is, he's resources are the joint resources between his DM and his DF, which would be lower from what my DD would get because that's the joint resources between myself and her DF who is a vice chancellor, so definitely not in a low income bracket.

I try to treat them all as equally as I can but, ultimately they also have their other parents who will make the equations different for the the different DC.

Of course he will have to work. All students do.

DSS needs to choose the cheapest housing - sharing showers / loo with the most people. Some housing is 26 weeks, some is 40. He needs to find out & factor this into his budget.

So, take his £10.5, divide by housing cost x weeks. What remains his his budget for books, food, etc

Needs to cook own food & minimum take away.

Job if possible and learn how to budget and not plan “travel”

He needs to know in advance how much he gets from parents each month ,and what he gets when on term breaks.

He can get Unidays, Student Beans for discounts & deals on bank accounts.

No they don't.

That I don't know! I didn't have to but was a disservice to me and how I approached life in later years.

My biggest fear is that he'll refuse to get a job (or day that he can't find anything) and then either expect us to get it put of the hole or dig a deeper one.

Why is he even going to university of he just wants to work in a café?

He knows it not compulsory, right?

Of course they don't all work...

He wants to work in a clinical setting. His work experience is at the hospital.

But he doesn't seem to want to work at any of the big shops or McDonald's.... He only looks for jobs at cafes :/

Psychology can be a good degree. My son's friend did it and he has just finished and passed his accountancy exams (ICAEW) at the large firm he joined after graduating. We also know a clinical psychologist.

The issue of work or not is up to each family. My children didn't really work at university and I didn't need or want them to do so other than things like formal vacation schemes law firms pay people to do for a week or two if they get on those schemes and one did a summer working in a lovely holiday resort abroad. I used to work for pocket money at residential children's holiday camps in the UK in university holidays but that was just about 4 weeks a year and more for the fun of it and being away from home without having to pay rent and in nice places than for the money.

So ...what's wrong with him I my working at cafe's?

You don't have to give him any money...

It's worth checking out accommodation costs as part of uni research. If you have someone that expects en suite, takeaways, fine dining and lots of nights out etc they may struggle or need a part time job. Cooking skills (range of cheap easy dishes) really help keep costs down.

No they don’t. Some can’t work because of their course and some universities don’t allow students to have term time jobs.
Neither of my children worked during the term when at university. They worked in the holidays though.

Just a side note as Oxford has been mentioned twice as an example of an expensive city for students.
If you are talking about the University of Oxford, students there are given halls for the whole duration of the course (not just the first year) and at a very low cost in the region of £4.5-5K per year. This is the University policy to subsidise housing so that students could afford not to work and would concentrate on their studies.
In Oxford Brookes University, the rules are like everywhere else and accommodation in the city of Oxford for their students would be pricey, yes.