Moved in with elderly mum, hate it but stuck

[ThatAzureShark]

I was persuaded by my siblings to sell my house and move into mum's large house with my kids as she's getting elderly.
I forgot how spiteful and nasty she always was, I got caught up in the moment. Now I bitterly regret it. Last month she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and getting worse.my kids hate it here.
My siblings live miles away but promised to help me but don't.
She's always moaning, shouting and insulting us- she was always like that. I'm fed up.
I have enough to buy a two up two down house in a less pleasant area but siblings are against it as say it will be too small. I've suffered badly with my mh since a teenager and really need a clear path out of this nightmare.
House is badly in need of work,mum won't pay even though can easily afford it.
Mum upset me again today and I spoke with one sibling on phone but they shut me down and hung up. Please I need steps out of this

It sounds as though your siblings want you there so they don't have to be. Go. Life is too short.

Buy your 2 up 2 down and go. Siblings aren't thinking about you and your needs at all, so you don't need to listen to them. Prioritise yourself and your DC.

I have enough to buy a two up two down house in a less pleasant area but siblings are against it as say it will be too small.

Bugger your siblings they just want a built in carer for the unpleasant mum.

Leave now and do your kids a favour.

Leave and buy the smaller house.
I say this as someone who is planning to move my mum into my house in the next few years. My mum's nice though.

Why do you need your siblings permission? Your an adult get out and buy the 2 up 2 down.

Get out while you still can.

Move.

Your siblings want you to be the nurse so they don't need to shell out for a carer or lose their inheritance if she needs to sell the house.

Why are you being told what to do by your siblings?

Do what is best for you and your kids and maybe get some therapy so you stop letting your siblings push you around.

I think you've probably nailed it. Of course that's what is going on.

Get your own home , your siblings took the best option for them and not you .

Definitely move. You're not happy.

Buy your 2 up 2 down and move there, leave your mum in her house.

Your siblings can take their turn looking after her, and if they don't want to look after her they can arrange care for her.

My mother lived for 10 years with increasingly deteriorating Alzheimers. Unless you want to still be there in 8 years changing your mother's continence wear and feeding her pureed food, leave now.

You are being taken advantage of by your siblings.

Your mother needs higher level of care than you can provide anyway, especially seeing as your priority must be your own children.

You are not able to look after yourself, your children and your mother. It's ridiculous that your siblings expect you to.

Buy your house and liaise with siblings and social services to arrange carers for your mother.

your siblings are not interested in helping you. They want you there to relieve their own guilt. Does your mum want you and your children there? It does not sound like it given that she is shouting at you and the kids. I think you should buy the house you can afford and move out. Life is too short to be miserable.

Not only is it not the right or best thing for you and your children but it's probably not the best thing for your mother.

She needs professional care now.

I can guarantee when your mum is no longer around, your siblings want you out of that house within weeks if not sooner.

Buy your own place and move out now!

Move out. Don’t discuss it with anyone, just go. If you stay you’ll end up falling out with your kids. They’ll resent you.

Your siblings want you there to care for Mum so that the house isn't sold to pay for a care home. However there will come a point when Mum needs residential care (aggression/flight risk/risk to herself) and you will have put yourself and your DC through years of misery. I'm not saying don't help her now but you do not have to be living in the same house and the caring should be shared by the other siblings. You will be a better carer and parent if you have space to retreat.

Do not listen to your siblings. Having you there as carer means:

1. They don’t have to be, and
2. Money (inheritance) is not being spent on care.

Well tough, this is your life and if you don’t want to live with your mother you don’t have to. If they care that much one of them can move home and live with her instead.

If she’s got Alzheimer’s her behaviour will get ever more unpredictable - she can’t help it, it’s the disease. It’s dreadful. But, if you can’t cope, best sort it out now.

Your siblings played you so you would be the carer and her home might not have to be sold. They don't care about you or your kids. They want money with the least output of their effort.

Buy another place and move as soon as you can and stop being a sucker for them.

My sibling was against me moving 4 hours away for my DH and a decent job. She doesn't actually get a say in my life decisions. Obviously I take my extended family into consideration when making big decisions, but ultimately my immediate family is my main concern.

So do what's right for you and your kids.

What will happen if your mum can't be looked after at home and needs to be in a care home? Will her house need to be sold to pay towards the care home fees?
Where will you and your children live then?
Buy your own place while you can and see if you are able to care for your mum - if that is still what you want to do...

Surely your DC come first! Who is pushed around by their siblings like this? Do what your DC need. Your DM needs help from everyone, not just you. If dc are settled at school, stay in the area but talk to dc about their needs. Your DM is not the only person needing care. Your DC do too.