Moved in with elderly mum, hate it but stuck

[ThatAzureShark]

I was persuaded by my siblings to sell my house and move into mum's large house with my kids as she's getting elderly.
I forgot how spiteful and nasty she always was, I got caught up in the moment. Now I bitterly regret it. Last month she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and getting worse.my kids hate it here.
My siblings live miles away but promised to help me but don't.
She's always moaning, shouting and insulting us- she was always like that. I'm fed up.
I have enough to buy a two up two down house in a less pleasant area but siblings are against it as say it will be too small. I've suffered badly with my mh since a teenager and really need a clear path out of this nightmare.
House is badly in need of work,mum won't pay even though can easily afford it.
Mum upset me again today and I spoke with one sibling on phone but they shut me down and hung up. Please I need steps out of this

Buy a home and call social services for an assessment. Arrange to have her food delivered and live further away. Your kids come first.

Don't tell you siblings everything! It sounds awful for you and your DC please sort yourself and them out first. A house for you and DC sounds the best way to go from what you say. Of course your siblings want you there because they are using you to look after your Mum, so they don't have to step up!

Move, leave your mum there. Make it your siblings problem.

Get your own place and move out. I was under pressure from my sibling to look after my mother when she was widowed (she was in perfectly good health and still of working age) because it suited her, it suited them and what I wanted didn't matter. I didn't do it because I knew I would have no privacy and no life of my own. It's very likely your siblings are assuming you can look after your mother for the rest of her life, at which point what happens? It's not your house. You'd probably have to move anyway.

F* your siblings. Stop taking advice from them - it suits them for you to remain. Buy your two up two down and get the hell out of dodge

Yet another one where the first reply nails it, and why do you think the siblings are entitled to tell you what to do anyway OP?

I had my mother living with me when she was diagnosed with dementia. I couldn’t move because it was my house. You can.

Believe me, this will only get worse, dementia is a game changer.

You need to buy yourself your own home and move out. All your siblings are doing is attempting to protect their potential inheritance. Your Mum's diagnosis will break you completely if you are her carer without a full battalion of support. If your Mum was absolutely amazing, loving, caring and gentle then it may well be a different story. However different types of dementia combined with different personality types can result in vicious, cruel behaviour from the poor person with the diagnosis. And you may have moments of lucidity where you get a 'I love you', but having specialised in dementia care for many years, it will not be worth the strain on you.

Move now, buy the house and secure you and DCs future
your siblings saw you as a soft touch.
They are only thinking of a future inheritance.
As she has Dementia, that will soon be swallowed up by care fees anyway.
Don’t discuss it, until you’ve actually moved
you can arrange an Assessment with Adult social services,when you’re sorted.

Your mum is shouting and abusive. You and your children deserve so much better. Doesn't matter what your siblings have to say. You owe it to your children to step up and put them first.

This in spades. It will not get better OP, it will get worse. Get out asap. When your siblings complain say you tried it, now it’s their turn.

We live next door to PILs so are the ones left to it. I promise it does not get better, it does not get easier. It’s not like having a baby and getting into a routine. Alzheimer’s says fuck your routine. Get out and save your DC.

Absolutely buy your own place and move out asap. If a 2 up 2 down is too small and would cause problems, are there no other places in other areas that would be suitable ? If not, just go for what you can now and maybe move again in a few years ? Do not let the others dictate what you can or cannot do.

Get out. Your siblings are CF’s as well they just want an in house carer. Bet they’ll turn up for their inheritance though.
I looked after two parents and lived with them. They were both lovely people and it broke me. And I had no DC.
You were not put on this earth to be abused or be someone’s servant.

Don't listen to your siblings. If your mum should die tomorrow they'd kick you out as soon as the house sold.

Has your mum made a will - who are the beneficiaries?

Are there Powers of attorney in place?

Buy the house you can afford. Doing so has nothing to do with your siblings and everything to do with the happiness of you and your kids.
Your siblings just want free care for their mum and don’t want future costs to impact on their potential inheritance. They are taking advantage of you !

Buy the house
You and your siblings may need to arrange care for your mum. Don’t do this alone, insist they get involved.

You can’t be required to sell a house to pay care home fees if an adult who sold their own home to move in with the cared for person still lives in the house.

Why did you have to sell your house to move in with mother?

Anyway, get out now. I was nearly you but got sense. I love mother but not enough to live with her.

What do your kids want to do? If they are in agreement then move. Your siblings want you and your kids there to play carer for your mum, saving them a tonne of effort and a fortune in inheritance. Don’t tell them you are looking and say nothing until you have signed on the dotted line as they will try to talk you down and make you feel guilty. You are just as entitled to a nice life as they are, and it’s clear that staying with your mother is not good for your, or your children’s, mental health.

Which was exactly OPs siblings modus operandi.
Sneaky so and sos

It has nothing to do with your siblings. You need to do what YOU want to do. Especially if your children hate it too.

But your #1 job is to give your kids a good life, isn't it.

Fuck that. Move out.

Get out. Do what's best for you and your kids, no one else.

I would stop asking your siblings for advice they won’t give you the answers you want. It isn’t up to them it’s your life and they aren’t helping when it’s 24/7. Start looking for your own space as you can afford it. Your mum may then be entitled to more care if you’re not living there.

Seems like you’ve already listened to your siblings too much. So tell them to sod off and do what you like.

Your mother needs professional social and medical care. And you’re all too busy squabbling like toddlers. Your poor mum.