Moved in with elderly mum, hate it but stuck

[ThatAzureShark]

I was persuaded by my siblings to sell my house and move into mum's large house with my kids as she's getting elderly.
I forgot how spiteful and nasty she always was, I got caught up in the moment. Now I bitterly regret it. Last month she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and getting worse.my kids hate it here.
My siblings live miles away but promised to help me but don't.
She's always moaning, shouting and insulting us- she was always like that. I'm fed up.
I have enough to buy a two up two down house in a less pleasant area but siblings are against it as say it will be too small. I've suffered badly with my mh since a teenager and really need a clear path out of this nightmare.
House is badly in need of work,mum won't pay even though can easily afford it.
Mum upset me again today and I spoke with one sibling on phone but they shut me down and hung up. Please I need steps out of this

Please leave for your sanity xx

This

Beyondtgewindowsill555

Yes that’s what I was wondering. You don’t forget how you were treated by your parents.

It seems to me as well that there’s a cultural issue.

The OP may fear being ostracised by the siblings when she moves out. This is something she has to plan for.

OP hasn’t given information about work and that would’ve have had to be considered when she moved in with her mother and that suggests financial support from the siblings and this may be withdrawn.

I agree that she must move out but a lot of planning needed.

You very much have to do what is right for you and your children. Your siblings have already shown you that they are full of false promises and are just hoping you do it all. That’s not fair.
Does anyone have Power of Attorney here? At some point your mother is going to need professional care and someone will have to pay which if someone has access to her financials will be much easier to arrange. I do feel they will try and force you to take on this as you will be the nearest so prepare yourself for this too. Stay strong.
I think popping by will be much easier on you than living with all this so I hope you find somewhere soon.

Who has power of attorney? And how bad is mums dementia? What savings does she have? I would speak to adult care services about what’s best for her now you are not in the position to care for her. Maybe it would be in everyone’s best interests to sell her home, and move her into care. She would be safe and at least then your siblings can’t money grab once mum has passed, because that seems to be all they care about!

Good-glad to read you have decided to move out again.
Unfortunately it looks as though your older siblings wanted you to be your mother's carer-so they don't have to be, and also so that there will be no impact on her savings/personal wealth (which there likely will be if she needs to go into a care Home for her care).
You need to concentrate on your MH and your children too. Tell yourself every day that you have done the right thing when you have moved out.
You will most likely come under extreme pressure from your siblings when you announce that you are leaving your mum's home. Be strong, it is for the best.
I wish you are and children lots of happiness in your new home.

I hope you find something that works for you soon and it’s a good idea to keep your plans under wraps. You must feel like you’ve been manipulated - I’m sorry your family aren’t kinder to you all round.

If your mum has only just been diagnosed with AD, she may be able to stay put alone for a year or so with local authority support/care package. (Though it sounds as if you'll still be the family carer/point of contact. That can be almost as stressful as living with the parent.) But a house sale, even with an agreeable parent, is always a daunting task.

Is she a hoarder? Will the house be a nightmare to clear, with her resisting you at every turn?

Your siblings sound like such shirkers that they'll probably try to dump all that on you too, so be careful.

Your children and their happiness is your priory. Your siblings can't dictate to you how you and your children live your lives. If they don't want to take responsibility your mother can be cared for in a home. Do not let them take advantage of you.

Move before your mother’s Alzheimer’s gets worse.
why is this anything to do with your siblings? They can move in if they want.

You’re doing the right thing. You need to prioritise yourself and your children.

That’s exactly what your siblings are doing. If they try to convince you otherwise, tell them you’re following their example as you look up to them so much.

Your primary responsibility is to yourself and your children. Particularly ensuring your children do not have to live with an abuser.
Buy the 2 up 2 down and fu*k your siblings whom you know intuitively are using you.

Good morning OP.
I hope you had a reasonable night.

If you have enough money to buy a two bed outright you can get a local job for bills if the commute to work is too far. It's the housing costs that are the bulk these days.
I did post up thread about my 18 year journey looking after my parents and how it broke me. Neither had dementia but as people become older they can be manipulative and pressurise whoever is around into their sole care. I worked 5am-11 at night and never got a break. Carers were sent away at first because our daughter will do it. I have a form of PTSD because of it.
I watched a son fail to get the best care for his mother last week in hospital. My thoughts are she was inconvenient. She lived on her own in a large 5 bed and was clearly suffering from dementia. He seemed so uninterested and she was very much alone. (I was in the bed opposite).
My children did suffer from the sheer exhaustion of putting my dad first. I couldn't even go out for three years, ditto holidays with my DC.
Get the house and move out ASAP. Tell social services it's effecting your families mental health. I nearly drove into a tree. Don't be me. Your children come first.