AIBU to try and stop DD driving mammoth journey?

[sunnyday2025]

DD 17 passed her driving test last month. She has a small old car and is driving herself to school and back.

She has just announced that she is going to drive 7 hours (each way) to pick her brother and his mates up from university for Easter.

The journey is pretty much motorway the whole way there and I am terrified. We don’t know anyone she she can stay with either to break the journey up.

Her plan is to drive down one day, stay over and come back next day. Nothing I can say will sway her from doing it.

So many things worrying me
her car is old
never driven a lengthy journey or driven on a motorway for more than an hour
her brother and mates distracting her

If she is insistent on doing it how can I ensure her journey is as safe as possible?

Most worrying is that she now says she is going to break the journey up on way down staying over in a hotel.

She's unlikely to get into a chain hotel such as Premier or Travelodge. They don't take under 18s unaccompanied by an adult.

How do they enforce that?

Travelodge say they may require photo ID/proof of age on arrival - presumably if you look as if you might be under 18.

Well if she books and pays online then I assume her DOB will be attached to her information? And if an adult books for her and when she arrived they ask her for I'd she wouldn't be allowed to stay and would lose the money.

It does put it into perspective though, I was on the fence with if I would object to the drive or not.
But how csn she be considered old enough and responsible enough to be driving a car (potentially overnight) for 8 odd hours, but not old enough to stay in a room overnight?!
She is still a minor, a drivers licence doesn't change that, so I'm with you on your solution. No for now, practice for September.

You CAN become a mother at 16. It doesn't make it right or a safe decision. And if I had a 17 year old who was actively trying to get pregnant I would de everything I could to change their plans, not just think 'oh, it's legal so carry on'.
Something being technically legal doesnt take away from personal responsibility to make safe choices that aren't likely to cause harm yourself or other people.

You've missed the point I was talking about.

If she makes sure that her phone is charged up, she can use Google Maps to navigate her way there and back. She can call you when she gets to the university, or wherever she is staying overnight.

If she has full breakdown cover, any car problems can be fixed, so you don't need to worry about that. If necessary, the RAC can track her location from her phone signal.

If she's a sensible driver, she'll be fine. Motorways might mean driving at speed, but generally they're safer, as you don't get people doing illegal U-turns in front of you...

It's a long journey, but it will give her plenty of experience. Please don't inhibit her freedom! (I say that as someone who was expected to follow in my family's footsteps of never going on the motorway and, thus, never leaving the same familiar areas. Without telling anyone what I was doing, I taught myself to drive on the motorway. Yes, it was a bit scary at first, but I now have confidence to drive wherever I need to go in the UK).

its too far for a new inexperienced driver and she intends to bring home 3 other teens. I would worry myself sick

Go with her?

Also I’m not inhibiting her freedom - trust me she has plenty! I am just trying to put in sensible steps to minimise risk to her and other people.

Did you not say you have managed to get her brother to change his plans? Issue sorted now 😊

I’ve already driven down there in last month and it’s beside the point because the attraction is doing it on her own. I did suggest ex accompany her but he said no.

You're her parent. It's practically part of the job description to worry about your offspring. My grandfather complained that he still worried about his grown-up children and then they had children for him to worry about, too!

Let her get more motorway experience first. If she and the other teens are sensible, she has breakdown cover, phone signal and GPS, she'll be OK. If she can pull this one off, it will be a huge boost to her driving confidence!

I would try the ‘no this is to far and the car is not adequate for this journey’ and hope she accepts it. Tell your son to get the train and she will pick him up from there

I'd be more concerned about her plans for the night there, I can see them all deciding to party that night and her not getting enough rest and being in a fit state to drive back the next day. You can be 90% sure she is going on this trip for the night out and not to be nice to her brother!

100%

That's true about having to be 18 for a hotel.

I know two sensible 17 year olds who travelled to another city for a gig - they got to the hotel (booked by parent I think) and they weren't allowed to stay without an over 18.

Luckily they vaguely knew a university student in the same city and she agreed to go and stay in the room with them.

Then I’d just say no. She’s 17. You’re the boss.

Sounds like a good plan from your end. I have two new drivers and can empathise that it’s a whole new level of worry. I go out with my daughter every now and then and whilst she’s a good driver, she still makes silly mistakes and is terrible at judging distances . Definitely something that comes with experience. Absolutely no way would I let her do that journey.

It's really hard OP.
When I was 17 I was married with a baby and my first long drive after passing my test age 21 was taking ExDh and 2 young children to Glasgow from the Yorkshire coast. Car was 9 years old. I remember trying to overtake Eddie Stobart lorries on the A66 and they kept pulling alongside each other blocking me every dual carriageway. It was so stressful. I remember my engine overheating in Govan while ExDh was at football and I was alone with the kids in the car and I was horrified.
But it was experience and I got through it.

But we live near a road where a recent accident happened where 3 teens out of 5 were killed at the scene. So I agree with proposals for new drivers not to carry passengers or after certain times etc.
And when my son was in neuro intensive care for 10 weeks we lost count of the number of families every weekend having to switch life support machines off because of car crashes.

I remember when my DD was a new driver and her bfs mother asked her (a driver with a company car) to take her from Yorkshire to Kent to visit her friend and I am still cross that she asked her even though I left it up to DD to decide cos as pps have said she has been deemed to be safe to drive on the roads.

I don't know the exact drive but some of the motorways are horrendous ATM with variable speed limits and the Smart motorways and I don't think it's because I'm getting old but I find a lot of aggressive drivers and a lot of drivers who really shouldn't have that certificate saying they are capable of driving on the roads. It's not the pleasurable experience I used to find it even though I am a confident driver.

So I am totally with you OP but I also don't think you can stop her. It's just the way it goes. But I would be making my feelings known.

I think insurance companies should be more restrictive on ALL new drivers not just for those to get cheaper insurance so that people can gain experience and confidence.

Sorry to double post but I really agree with your compromise.
My DD had a crash with a friend in the car one icy night on a windy fast road it went into a field rolled about 8 times and friend and DD got out unscathed . The ambulance crew had no idea how they were unhurt it was a ford fiesta from the 90s.
I often think how lucky and what the girl's parents thought. I think they really played it down to them.
Speed is awful and these days you can feel really bullied on the motorway with the average speed cameras and the variable speed cameras.

a friend has offered to disable the car if it comes to it

I am in full agreement with you OP

My 17yr old is taking his test next week, there is not a single chance I would allow him to do a drive like that in a months time.
He's a good, careful driver BUT the combination of passengers, motorway, two extremely long driving days plus the potential to at best have had no sleep and at worst to still be over the limit the next day would be a hard no from me.
I would take the keys and block the car in if I had to, but in reality if I said no, he just wouldn't do it.
we provide a car, fuel and insurance on the basis that it is a privilege not a right. Any messing about of any kind and the privilege is withdrawn. We live rurally and the temptation (for teens) to 'just have one drink' and drive is high but I have a zero tolerance towards that.

I have spoken to DD and explained my stance. Was expecting an almighty kick off but she just sighed and said ok. Mostly concerned that her brother would be cross but I am more than happy to deal with that!

very relieved but also vigilent that it could be a ruse. Will keep a close eye on things.

thank you all for mostly confirming my fears were valid. Spent too long around Ex being undermined.