AIBU to try and stop DD driving mammoth journey?

[sunnyday2025]

DD 17 passed her driving test last month. She has a small old car and is driving herself to school and back.

She has just announced that she is going to drive 7 hours (each way) to pick her brother and his mates up from university for Easter.

The journey is pretty much motorway the whole way there and I am terrified. We don’t know anyone she she can stay with either to break the journey up.

Her plan is to drive down one day, stay over and come back next day. Nothing I can say will sway her from doing it.

So many things worrying me
her car is old
never driven a lengthy journey or driven on a motorway for more than an hour
her brother and mates distracting her

If she is insistent on doing it how can I ensure her journey is as safe as possible?

Lots of people drive old cars for miles and miles. You don’t need a 25 plate BMW or SUV to make long journeys. As other people have said- carry out all the necessary checks- oil, tyres etc. Plenty of people have reliable cars and vans which are 10/15 years old+ Have good breakdown cover.

I did four and a half hours as a 17yo in my tin can on wheels with all my friends in the car. It was fine because I was sensible. Lots of precious cargo!

She'll be fine as long as she takes regular breaks.

Obvious survivors bias here. The 3 of my 4 friends who were killed aged 17 and 18 when the car one of them was driving crashed are obviously not on this thread but if they could speak from the grave they would give a different perspective. The one who survived has severe brain damage so can't comment on the thread either

Are there any sections of motorway that are particularly tricky?

I had to drive to Aberdeen not long after passing my test (although I was a bit older). I coped okay going but nearly got caught out coming back where two motorways merge and I hadn't appreciated that moving over from the slow lane was in effect going into the fast lane and I'd missed a car in the blindspot as misjudged the speed he was travelling.

I learned the importance of always indicating (as I had). He used his horn and I aborted so no harm done.

You could emphasise the importance of indicating and always keeping an eye on what is around you on motorways. Pulling out ahead of junctions etc. Basically having a good awareness of what's going on at all times.

If there are sections that are dual carriageway sometimes these are actually worse than motorways in that you get tractors joining or very short slip roads (no slip road at all at some junctions) so again anticipating things and being ready to move is important.

My son (now 19) was the first of his cohort to pass his test. He was driving himself to college and back along a motorway within days of passing his test aged 17. He was collecting his mates, driving up to London, round the M25 etc. So, yes, I am 'blasé' about it. If blasé is being worried, but accepting that he had passed his test first time, was a good driver and despite driving a car that is as old as he is, has more safety features than the one I was driving to Scotland and back in at the same age. My experience of parenting has been that teenagers now are a lot more sensible than I ever was.

Say no, explain your perfectly valid reasons and call her brother and have a word about his sister’s well-being and his apparent lack of care about it. Very selfish of him to be encouraging this 14 hour drive over a 24 hour period. If he’s older than her it’s worse again.

My first ever journey when i passed my test at 19 was a 9 hour journey and i feel like its the best thing i ever done! I just stopped 2 times on the way down for some coffee and something to eat. It greatly improved my confidence in driving too.
Unfortunately for you the only thing you can do is ensure she has good breakdown cover and knows that taking breaks is perfectly fine. You could also get a mechanic to check over the car before she makes the journey if thats a worry too. But shes a perfectly capable driver if she’s passed her test!

East Sussex to Culdrose is an awful journey. Whether it was early 90s or now.

She's has driven on the motorway before, so she is at least familiar with how it differs. To be honest, motorway driving is much easier and safer than on other roads. So I would probably just help her plan her journey to make sure she has regular breaks.

I am sorry about that. That is thankfully a rare and tragic event and does not mean that all other teenagers should be prevented from driving.

DS did this age 18, 2 weeks after passing his driving test.

He turned up safe & had no incidents going home, too. I soon learned that he drove a lot like an old lady, very cautious !!

Passing a 40 minute driving test doesn't mean much, just that she managed to successfully navigate around a small area that she's probably driven countless times before in her lessons.

It doesn't suddenly equip her with the experience needed to take on to a 15 hour round motoway journey with a group of teenage boys pissing around in the back. You have to work up to those kind of journeys, especially at 17 years old.

The law says you can “consent” to sex at 16. That doesn’t mean you stop being a parent and stop keeping your kids safe. When my kids turned 16 I didn’t encourage them to go out and have sex because the law said they were not old enough to consent to it!

Regardless what does the age of consent and an inexperienced driver doing a long journey in any way connected?

Unfortunately this has been kicked into the long grass. A huge percentage of road deaths are in under 25s where they are drivers or passengers.

Is she sensible? Have you been in the car with her, is she a careful driver? If the answer is yes then let her off.

But personally I'd warn son and friends that if they act the dick in the car I'll make their lives hell.

How many will be in the car on the way home and what will they be bringing back with them?
There is barely enough space in a small car for four adults plus luggage so if her brother is expecting her to give a lift to more than 2 of his friends this would be reason enough for me to put my foot down and tell her no. Even with an experienced driver at the wheel an overloaded car is not easy to drive and all the more so when you are expected to keep up with the flow of traffic on the motorway.
Despite what statistics might tell us motorways are not the safest for those who drive small cars. I drive a corsa, and although I have years of experience under my belt and am a confident driver it’s hard not to feel intimidated by all the nose to tail lorries, let alone all the cars much larger than you who whiz past.
It’s great that the OP’s daughter feels confident to undertake such a long journey but there’s a huge difference between driving to school everyday and driving hundreds of miles with a car full of passengers having driven for hours the day before.
All things considered YANBU but if she won’t take no for answer make sure the car is roadworthy, that she has breakdown cover and knows what to do to keep herself safe should she break down on the motorway.

It got me thinking that's all 🤔 thinking about how bizarre the different legal ages for things are. Is that not ok with you?!

I'm a pretty relaxed parent, but I wouldn't be comfortable with this. She'll probably be hungover on the way back too.

How would your son get back otherwise?

A seven hour journey two days running is very tough for any driver let alone a new one in an old car. Really not a good idea. Does the 7 hours incude at least 2 rest breaks? Has she thought about delays through breakdown or motorway closures after accidents? How much practice has she had of driving alone with nobody to navigate or of following a sat nav safely?

Absolutely bonkers op.

Do your son’s friends’ parents know that their precious loved ones are about to be driven on the motorway by an inexperienced 17 year old for 7 plus hours? Because I’d hit the roof if either of my kids got in the car in such circumstances.

There may be fewer accidents on the motorway, but the ratio of accident to fatality is surely far far higher.

There are so many red flags I don’t know where to start.

shes’s an overly confident driver. Even her dad says so,

she’ll be out with DS the night she gets there. No way will she get a decent night’s sleep

only 4 seats in car, 3 to be taken by DS and mates. No room for me or her dad.

She won’t be able to focus for that amount of time. I’ve done that journey several times and it’s brutal

Is there no option for her brother and mates to get a train or coach?

Then put your foot down and tell her it's not happening OP. Would you rather she hate you, or risk losing both your kids, and your DS's friends, because you're not tough enough to tell her NO?

DS isn’t that bothered to be fair. He’d happily get a train home. It’s DD who is hell bent on proving how grown up and independent she is. It’s exhausting

Can't her brother share the driving on the way back?