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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to try and stop DD driving mammoth journey?

206 replies

sunnyday2025 · 13/03/2025 17:54

DD 17 passed her driving test last month. She has a small old car and is driving herself to school and back.

She has just announced that she is going to drive 7 hours (each way) to pick her brother and his mates up from university for Easter.

The journey is pretty much motorway the whole way there and I am terrified. We don’t know anyone she she can stay with either to break the journey up.

Her plan is to drive down one day, stay over and come back next day. Nothing I can say will sway her from doing it.

So many things worrying me
her car is old
never driven a lengthy journey or driven on a motorway for more than an hour
her brother and mates distracting her

If she is insistent on doing it how can I ensure her journey is as safe as possible?

OP posts:
PsychoSyd · 13/03/2025 18:06

You can’t. She has been assessed as being a competent (if not yet experienced driver) and so she is perfectly legally allowed to do this. The only think I’d make sure is that she has a well charged phone (turned to silent for the journey so as not to distract) and that she has comprehensive breakdown cover.

Butterflysunshine01 · 13/03/2025 18:08

That’s a bloody long journey for a new inexperienced driver, I’d be worried too. Can you take her out on as many practice motorway drives before? Also make sure tyres are completely fine, correct amount of tread etc, especially if car is old.

waltzingparrot · 13/03/2025 18:09

Can you book her on a motorway driving lesson?

NiceProblems · 13/03/2025 18:12

I wouldn’t fancy that journey as an experienced driver never mind brand new.

Break down cover is absolutely essential. I am not surprised you are worried OP I think it’s a crazy idea. I don’t think you can stop her though.

CurbsideProphet · 13/03/2025 18:12

Has she done any motorway lessons? I did 3 proper motorway lessons in my early 20s when I got a new job which meant I would need to drive on motorways regularly.

Breakitdownplease · 13/03/2025 18:13

I would be terrified too. I think the UK are looking to bring in laws similar to Australia whereby new young drivers can only carry a limited number of passengers over the age of 21. For good reason and I for one am on board with that.
I used to drive up and down from south of England to Scotland a lot and it's exhausting, I'd try to talk sense into her. They can get a bus or a train.

Dramatic · 13/03/2025 18:14

I drove on the motorway the day I passed my test and drove all over the country from around a month after passing. I really don't see the issue unless she is particularly nervous which doesn't seem to be the case

Original poster
sunnyday2025 · 13/03/2025 18:15

We are about 45 mins from the nearest motorway but I will find sometime to take her out.

My main worry is distraction and not paying enough attention especially if DS and his mates mess about. She’s never been to the city either and will
be completely unfamilar with the road system

OP posts:
Onlyvisiting · 13/03/2025 18:15

Is her brother insured and able to drive her car? Then they could share the driving on the way home.

GandTtwice · 13/03/2025 18:17

Has she got breakdown cover?
Can you plan the journey with her and decide on appropriate places to stop on the way to ensure she takes enough breaks for a long drive.
Motorway driving is not automatically more dangerous than any other roads. She can take care not to get the fast lane unless overtaking and just take her time with the journey.

Meadowfinch · 13/03/2025 18:17

Basic things you can do...

Check her tyre tread depths and tyre pressures
Her oil level
Her washer fluid reservoir
her anti-freeze

In other words show her how to prepare her car for a long journey.

Then trust her to do her job. She's not trying to drive there and back in a day. she's staying over. Her brother will be in the car with her.

Mynewnameis · 13/03/2025 18:18

I wouldn't be happy with that due to potential for unknown people to mess about, distract, etc

Birdseyetrifle · 13/03/2025 18:19

I passed my test. Went home (navy) the next day and picked my little mini up and drive from East Sussex to Helton in Cornwall.

This was before sat nav, had a load of post it notes with directions and 34 years later I’m still alive. She will be fine.

Loopytiles · 13/03/2025 18:19

Who owns & paid for the car? Unless her I’d not give permission to use it on safety grounds with the number of passengers.

Original poster
sunnyday2025 · 13/03/2025 18:19

My ex (her dad) has no issue with it at all which doesn’t make it any easier to put my view across

OP posts:
MILsAreHumanToo · 13/03/2025 18:20

After mine passed the standard driving test, I paid for extra tuition on motorway driving. Only one driving on the motorway lesson was needed for the instructor to assure me they were competent.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 13/03/2025 18:21

YADNBU in worring about what she intends to do....

But unfortunately she's passed her test, which in my opinion when driving lessons are taken that is the aim, to pass a test.

As a mother of DD that drove a 300 mile round trip regularly to meet her boyfriend I know exactly how you feel, but now it's time for your DD to learn to 'drive' alone and make all the decisions herself.
I did however pay for a few motorway driving lessons once she'd past her test.

Let her go, I do drive but stick to roads I know, never a motorway or country lane, as a not overly confident driver I regret never just taking myself off further afield.

Original poster
sunnyday2025 · 13/03/2025 18:21

Loopytiles · 13/03/2025 18:19

Who owns & paid for the car? Unless her I’d not give permission to use it on safety grounds with the number of passengers.

ex and I paid for car, she insures it

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 13/03/2025 18:24

Make sure she has good breakdown cover and knows what to do in case of an energy. Also encourage her to stop regularly and drink plenty x

Blasting · 13/03/2025 18:26

Hire her a decent car so she only has the driving to focus on.

Yellowpingu · 13/03/2025 18:27

Blasting · 13/03/2025 18:26

Hire her a decent car so she only has the driving to focus on.

It’s really difficult to hire a car overnight if you’re under 20.

CassiasC · 13/03/2025 18:38

I’m surprised people are focusing on the motorway aspect and not the driving 7 hours in a day (and 7 the next day) part. Does that include breaks? If not, you could easily be looking at more like 8-9 hours actual driving time given the congestion and works I encounter on every single 2-hour plus drive I do. And significant breaks on top, of course.

I think it’s crazy to do this as an inexperienced driver. Nothing you can do to stop her as others have pointed out, but I’d be telling her it’s a bad idea idea. Driver tiredness is a major cause of accidents.

MissRoseDurward · 13/03/2025 18:39

Only one driving on the motorway lesson was needed for the instructor to assure me they were competent.

It's not just the motorway driving, it's the long journeys on successive days.

Where will she be sleeping that night? A room and a bed of her own, or a sleeping bag on a floor in someone's room? Will she get a good night's sleep or are she and bro and mates likely to sit up late?

Can brother say he and mates have made other arrangements? Say that he doesn't think she'll have room in the car for all of them and their luggage, or something?

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 13/03/2025 18:44

Motorways are the safest roads, only thing I’d be worried about is the boredom tbh. If she’s confident I wouldn’t dent it

Gundogday · 13/03/2025 18:46

I’d worry as well. As well as inexperience, there’s the tiredness factor as well.

Hide her keys!!!