AIBU to try and stop DD driving mammoth journey?

[sunnyday2025]

DD 17 passed her driving test last month. She has a small old car and is driving herself to school and back.

She has just announced that she is going to drive 7 hours (each way) to pick her brother and his mates up from university for Easter.

The journey is pretty much motorway the whole way there and I am terrified. We don’t know anyone she she can stay with either to break the journey up.

Her plan is to drive down one day, stay over and come back next day. Nothing I can say will sway her from doing it.

So many things worrying me
her car is old
never driven a lengthy journey or driven on a motorway for more than an hour
her brother and mates distracting her

If she is insistent on doing it how can I ensure her journey is as safe as possible?

I would have a word with your son. Encourage him to get the train back but make out that it's his and his friends decision. This really is a mammoth drive and not something any driver should take lightly. So much potential for things to go wrong.

Probably one of the easiest ways of tempting her out of doing it is to see if you can find videos of the aftermath of motorway crashes and the consequences of not paying attention even just for a second. So she can see the reality. She might then feel a bit more like playing it safe and her brother and mates getting public transport instead.

All of this "you can't stop her" nonsense.

She's 17 and lives under your roof. She's legally a child. Of course you can stop her. It's an incredibly dangerous idea for a new teenage driver with no motorway experience and I doubt all of these posters would be so blasé about this if it was their own kid.

You can't hire a car if you haven't been 18 months passed your test, before any age restrictions.

I think this is "back in the day" thinking which is no bad thing.
I took passing my driving my test as a sign that I was a competent driver, 38 years, I have never had an accident that was my fault (had two that were others' fault).

I went to university 400 miles from home. I was doing that distance on the regular within weeks of passing my test. And then driving round a large city that I had never visited before on a regular basis, with my mates in the car.

Or support your child to be an independent human being?
I bought my own car at 17, parents had very little say in my new found independence since they'd moaned endlessly at being the taxi (they moved rurally when I was 14)

I passed my test and 4 days later drove from South East London to Durham, in my dad's car, he was driving back (I didn't need a car there) the same day so it meant we split the driving. It was fine. I learned to drive in London and motorways are much easier!

7 hours is a huge drive. I do it fairly regularly. And have broken down three times.

Things to ensure:
Car in good order
Breakdown and insurance company details to hand
Good supply of sweets, water, fizzy pop to give a sugar fix
Frequent stops
Good night's sleep, as good as possible
Know how to react in an emergency eg. Switching lanes, what to do if tyre blows etc
Extra caution with mirrors. Easy to lax when driving for that amount.

Have a word with her brother to ensure they are chilled in the car, respectful that it's her first long journey and as an inexperienced motorway driver

Ask her to head out on the motorway, maybe with you as a passenger, this week, or ASAP. Drive for 30 mins in one direction, then back again. Tell her it's to put your mind at ease.

My brother was out working and driving a massive van at 17 all over London, round the M25 in rush hour. If she can drive she can drive. Make sure she does all her checks before hand tyres, water etc and maybe give her some money to stop for lunch if you're feeling generous to encourage her to stop for a bit

Merrily waving off your kid off to drive a 15 hour round trip with a group of rowdy students in the back isn't supporting them to be independent. It's lazy parenting.

Supporting her would be taking her out yourself on the motorway and letting her take the wheel on long family car journeys. Let her work her way up to the solo long distance trips.

Go with her and split the driving? Make it a fun trip?

My daughter passed in November. She’s a good, competent driver but there’s no way I’d let her drive that far. She’s done very little motorway driving so far and we’re going to book her some motorway lessons .

OP I have been driving for 27 years and would not do that journey especially on consecutive days. She is still very young, in an older car and relatively inexperienced.
If she is insistent can you or her father take her out on a motorway drive somewhere 4 hours away where she drives back the same day? It's not the same but may given her an indication of the journey.

In your position I would be worried too x

Bonkers isn’t it!

I woukd be bount about it. But if she is adamant then on the day or before make sure csr is in a good order. Oil changed, tyres, washer, coolant etc etc.
Ask her to text you in breaks she takes at services. She has supplies in the car just encase.

I would download Life360 so you can track her drive and encourage her to take breaks. She is likely to be hyper aware of everything if its her first long drive and she is looking forward to the thrill of it. That may wear off 4 hours in so maybe plan to speak to her then and see how she is faring?

If she had failed her test, how would your son & his mates have gotten home?

Phone your son and tell him that he needs to get himself home

It makes me think its bizarre you can legally have sex and become a mother yourself at 16, whilst at 17 still being controlled by your own parents on where you can drive. I think age of consent and age of driving should probably both be raised to 18.

I was driving on the motorway every day on my commute 3 weeks after passing my test. Not sure why the age of the car is relevant. Any car can drive on the motorway. Book her some motoway driving lessons/ I had them & they were invaluable. I always found motorway driving pretty easy. The rules aren’t difficult and it can actually be a lot easier than a lot of other types of driving.

I’d tell her no. I did an hour and a half journey and then back again early the next day not long after I passed my test. I missed my turn and got really stressed out on the way home. Starting crying and nearly went the wrong way onto oncoming traffic at one point. I was traumatised for ages after.

I can honestly say that the few months after I passed my driving test were when my attention was at its peak, paying attention to everything, still remembering all the rules and official safe driving techniques before bad habits developed.

How many friends is she collecting? She needs to factor in if they have luggage and the potential extra weight all of that will add to what sounds like an already struggling car.

I think it's a really stupid idea. Much too far and carrying other young people is a very strong risk factor. She sounds over confident as if she wants to show off and that's how mistakes get made. If she thinks this journey is a good idea she's too immature to be allowed to do it. Is she likely to be drinking the night she's staying over?

I would tell her to think again

In terms of being safe, tell her about some of the recent fatal crashes involving cars full of young people. The one where they crashed off the road and the car wasn't found for several days by which time they all had died of their injuries.

The age is relevant as it depends how well the car has been maintained throughout its lifetime.
If it has a full service history etc.

Positive - it’s nice she is willing to do that for her brother. At that age I wouldn’t have gone 7mins to pick mine up unless it was life or death.
However, 7 hours is way too long. 7 hours driving isn’t the same as 7 hours as a passenger. The motorway bit wouldn’t bother me as much as they’re statistically pretty safe. But 7 hours with teenage boys in the back? Recipe for disaster.