AIBU to ask people not to guilt trip over on the S&B boards?

[BlackEyedFrozenPeas]

Anyone else getting a bit sick of people hijacking threads on S&B?

I have been on MN for many years. It has seen me through living in 4 other countries, through infertility, nightmare pregnancies, issues with DC, a terrible menopause, my marriage in tatters a couple of times and more. The AIBU and Relationship boards and the advice I have been given has seen me through a lot of things. As a result I now consider myself a very well informed woman.

Over the past week I have had to wait on results to see if my only remaining parent has something very nasty wrong with them.

During these times, I, and I am sure other women will take a time out, a break, and go on the Style and Beauty board. It is light relief to get away from your problems and see what's going on over there. For example, what is the latest glow product, or what trainers someone is buying. It's a mental break.

AIBU, or this could be more of a plea. Can people NOT go on there and piss on everyone chips? Yes, we know that there are issues in the world. We know that someone in a war torn country is more important than the latest Tom Ford mascara. However, can we discuss that on other boards please?

Some of us just want to escape our own sh!t and talk about something nice without being made to feel guilty about dropping a tenner on a T shirt from H&M.

AIBU?

YANBU

Completely agree, op. I can’t stand this sort of pious fun-sucking.

If it's that bad then report the posts. If the poster continues to derail then eventually they will get their account suspended. MNHQ won't know unless you report. Good luck, I'm sick of seeing them elsewhere too.

100% ~ it drives me mad. Especially as it's just a small picture of your life. You're not saying 'critique my budget! I'm spending £1k a month on clothes and nothing on charities/others' (not that there's really a problem if you are)

My favourite is the consistent, 'there are people in this country on foodbanks' ~ er yes, I know. I donate to them every month. But I'm not asking about how I could give more to charity, I'm asking about a flipping handbag 😂

Surely the place to say that is on those boards not this one? Not everyone on S&B is also on here, and vice versa

YANBU. I feel the same about people who post on the Christmas threads just to say how much they hate it.
Unfortunately there are MNers who evidently enjoy having a safe, anonymous, nasty little go at other people, whatever the subject. You get a few on any forum - sad little people that they are.

Completely agree. Is it just S&B? I don’t go on it a lot but enjoy it when I do.

I’ve never seen anyone on the TV board berating people for watching a comedy because there are terrible wars going on.

When things are shit a new lipstick can do wonders, as can rewatching the Office. Beauty, self care and laughter are always good things.

There was a post the other day asking about a dress to wear over some lingerie for a date night with her husband and a couple of posters asked if her husband was dressing up for her too and accusing anyone who wears lingerie of being anti-feminist. Just ridiculous.

I agree but this thread won't work. People are too stupid and too invested in getting their own idiot opinions out there. People on here will merrily crash into threads giving their advice and opinions on things they know nothing about. You have people with no legal knowledge confidently dishing out completely wrong advice on the legal board, white people gatecrashing the black mumsnetter boards, people with kids lecturing the child free mumsnetters on their boards and so on and so forth.
Some people are pathologically incapable of thinking 'here is a thread that I can contribute nothing of value to, therefore I shall leave it and find something else to post on'.

sorry about your parent, OP, hope you get some good news.

YANBU. If someone is derailing the thread and even bullying then report them. Maybe they'll be deleted, maybe they'll 'have their card marked' in some way, idk but that sort of mean posting isn't really 'in the spirit' of MN - leastwise not the MN I've been on for far too long.

I agree but this thread won't work.

It's probably more a vent and looking for a bit of support rather than any expectation it'll make the arsehole posters repent!

Most of them are not bad enough to report, but I think we should start and call people out on them. I think I am going to do it from now on. Can we all do it please?

Just something like; "If you want to talk about XXXXX, then why not pop over to the news section or AIBU to start your own thread. This section of the board is about women doing things for themselves to aid their wellbeing".

Totally agree. Theres a lot of it about though - collective pissing-on-chips, lol. I just ignore it but it gets a bit tedious - if you don’t like talk of style and beauty, go read another board! There’s enough shit going down in the world just now, and I can discuss that elsewhere, let’s keep S&B for just that!

I'm trying to imagine a forum populated by men where they are discussing e.g. some tech they want to buy or new computer games or whatever and somebody butts in with "some people are using food banks you know".

I agree and this sounds like a good way of doing it.

Nah. Own your choices.

Performative ‘caring’ and never-ending ‘concern’ for causes no matter the subject are curses of the internet unfortunately. It’s just showing off, really.

It’s tedious, but best to ignore IMO.

Totally bloody agree. I hardly buy any clothes these days but I go to S and B for light relief. Not to be told to donate to charity ( I do donate to charity).
Also if you are triggered by people spending £2 k on a bag, don't go on there to tell everyone that's what you earn in a month. Just stay off it.

There are posters like that on every board about everything. That’s what MN is like. It won’t change.
It’s worse when people come on to boards where they know the posters are probably vulnerable like mental health to deliberately goad them.
All you can do is post specific things in the appropriate section when you need advice or support, ignore or report unnecessary/ nasty replies and take everything else with a pinch of salt.
If you’re feeling vulnerable, take a step back from mn, maybe look at some fashion and beauty stuff elsewhere online or a magazine or something.
You come on here for the reasons you’ve mentioned. Others come on to argue and wind people up. There’s not that much can be done about it except report the posts.

Unfortunately they will say that you are not the thread police and they can post where they like. They are just nasty sad individuals who want to argue. Don't give them attention and let them go elsewhere (hopefully outside in the fresh air).

I completely agree with you op but you can thank mnhq for this. This site has terrible navigation where users jump about the topics through the active and suggested threads functions not paying attention to what section theyre in and don't look at the date the original post was made. Overwhelming number of irrelevant sections and Zombie threads and no moderation.

I only go on the Style and Beauty topic if there is a thread flagged up as " new" or "trending" and there are no other threads of interest to me on any of the topics I follow at that moment in time to read.

I'm afraid I find the seriousness with which a lot of posters on that board to find the " right" thing to wear actually takes me aback.

But what really is disturbing are the links to items of clothing which are quite patently hideous but which because they are " on trend" are seemingly what we should all be wearing even if they don't suit us.

It's very hard to read some of the threads and not post something because of the ridiculousness of it.. The Emperors new clothes always comes onto my mind when I read some of the threads
.
In mitigation I do try and avoid reading that board for the majority of the time.

Yanbu at all!!

Can't bear the 'I've got it worse than you' Olympics.

'im typing this message out with my left hand as I've broken my other arm'

'WELL JUST THINK YOURSELF LUCKY OP. MY AUNTIE IS JUST A HEAD AND CANT EVEN TYPE'

YANBU. Despite what people seem to think, women contain multitudes. We can ask a question about moisturiser while also caring about the Israel-Gaza conflict. We can need a dress for a wedding and also donate to food banks.

These types of posters seem to think that they can glean your entire life and all your interests from one comment or a single thread. They are completely lacking in imagination.

😅