AIBU to ask people not to guilt trip over on the S&B boards?

[BlackEyedFrozenPeas]

Anyone else getting a bit sick of people hijacking threads on S&B?

I have been on MN for many years. It has seen me through living in 4 other countries, through infertility, nightmare pregnancies, issues with DC, a terrible menopause, my marriage in tatters a couple of times and more. The AIBU and Relationship boards and the advice I have been given has seen me through a lot of things. As a result I now consider myself a very well informed woman.

Over the past week I have had to wait on results to see if my only remaining parent has something very nasty wrong with them.

During these times, I, and I am sure other women will take a time out, a break, and go on the Style and Beauty board. It is light relief to get away from your problems and see what's going on over there. For example, what is the latest glow product, or what trainers someone is buying. It's a mental break.

AIBU, or this could be more of a plea. Can people NOT go on there and piss on everyone chips? Yes, we know that there are issues in the world. We know that someone in a war torn country is more important than the latest Tom Ford mascara. However, can we discuss that on other boards please?

Some of us just want to escape our own sh!t and talk about something nice without being made to feel guilty about dropping a tenner on a T shirt from H&M.

AIBU?

Perhaps MNHQ could amend the “i” info text below the board’s title. The bit that starts: looking for style advice? To say that the board is a hobby/lighthearted board and that any posts not in the spirit of style and beauty will be deleted.

i imagine you are talking about stuff like someone asking about shades of lipstick and a poster replies saying you are lucky to afford it or there are kids dying in Gaza? If so, that stuff could be deleted if the “i” text made it clear it wasn’t allowed.

I agree, I was looking for some advice looking for what to wear at a certain holiday destination and instead got a patronising and snarky response (from a well known, non name changing, prolific poster no less) about the 'tackiness' of the destination I was going to and that I should just wear anything as it wouldn't matter.

So bloody unnecessary and really got my back up! I asked for the thread to be deleted.

(Sorry I know that's not guilt tripping, I just mean it was in contradiction to the general lightheartedness of that sub forum).

Yes this!!

I can be concerned about the world AND want good skincare!

Op YANBU at all! I think it's when a thread pops up in Active and people fall over themselves to show their worthiness without caring which board it's on.

I think it really annoys me because at 55, I've realised that as a woman, you have to massively take care of yourself because everyone wants a piece of you.

Whilst all this is going on, we come on here to discuss our problems, then get a bit of light relief from whatever is going on. A lot of the time you'll see women ask about a beauty product or some clothes and there is a back story about a broken relationship or a hard time. It's a small act of self kindness to go on S&B and treat yourself to something. Women are great at nurturing and caring for others. When they turn that on themselves, they feel much better.

Someone just said own your choices. OK, so own your comments. You don't know what is going on behind any post here. Your comments can make someone going through shit, feel even worse. If you don't want to talk about lipsticks, go talk about what concerns you on the relevant board.

I completely agree. There was a thread the other day where a poster was asking how can people afford to get their nails done in a cost of living crisis. How does she know that the people she saw in the salon only treat themselves once a year? Or they had a voucher? And so what if they go more often? Life is so depressing for many people at the moment, so why the hell shouldn’t they cheer themselves up, without being made to feel like shit.

Thank you for putting a smile on my face. I'm heartbroken today as I had to have my beautiful labrador put to sleep yesterday, but I've just cracked a smile at your hilarious post 😂

Also if you are triggered by people spending £2 k on a bag, don't go on there to tell everyone that's what you earn in a month. Just stay off it.

But even that example, you just don't know what is going on. For example, I was in a serious car accident and the other person was arrested for being under the influence. I had to have treatment for a year, including counselling. When I get my compensation (still waiting for it!) I am going to buy myself a present. If I come on here asking for suggestions I am sure I am going to get my arse handed to me on a plate. I might buy myself a flashy bag, or a piece of jewellery.

Someone is now going to come along and tell me to donate the money.

I think what happens is that S&B threads turn up in active or trending and people who have absolutely no interest in S&B turn up to let everyone know that they have absolutely no interest in S&B.

It's fine to ignore them though.

I suggest that you spend your compensation money exactly on what you want, when you want, and de*il take the hindmost!

I do, happily. And I feel not the slightest guilt for doing so. Now run along and keep up with all the self sacrificing work that I’m completely sure you’re doing. Or more like just being a keyboard warrior.

She couldn’t know. Also, maybe they simply have the money for it and prioritise their appearance. I get my nails done every 3 weeks, £45 a pop. I’m not rich exactly, but it doesn’t break the bank and frankly, I’m not interested in spending that money on any worthier things or causes.

I have this mantra: „Me, Me, Me”. And then anything and anyone else. If more women adopted it, they would be a lot happier, I think 😁

YANBU!

“Can someone recommend a dress suitable for an older lady attending a summer wedding? I’m conscious about my arms, but it will be 30 degrees as in Italy.”

”Ask the people in Ghana suffocating under piles of fast fashion how they feel about buying a new dress every time you have a party”

Argh.

It's funny because you'd think the holiday board would suffer the same fate, but that still seems relatively safe, very infrequently do I see people jumping on to make some kind of moral judgement or guilt trip.

And I'm not sure I've ever seen it in property or the DIY spaces where people will be spending lots of money.

Oh the handbag threads get the crazy people out - generally someone will post within 2-3 posts to say they would buy a 50p bag for life and spend the rest on a mini break. (Because a bag you’ll take to work /use daily for years is a waste of money, but a rainy weekend in Bath is a sensible use of your funds.)

Bless ‘em, they always think they are saying something original and not at all showing their lack of value for women that they are completely comfortable with they much money being spent on something unnecessary, just as long as a woman who’s a mother isn’t the only person who benefits from the unnecessary spending. (See also suggestions you buy art or furniture instead of jewellery- the most important thing is a woman never spends her money in a way that only benefits her, if her dh and dcs also benefit, then it’s ok.)

YANBU I hate it too. There was a very enjoyable discussion about handbags not that long ago which only worked because the OP made a thread title that deliberately didn’t reference handbags so the discussion was able to stay on topic. It was called Trumpets and Benches after a couple of suggestions that previous posters had suggested someone would be better off spending their money on instead of a handbag.
There is another type of S&B poster I find equally annoying and that is the kind who post to tell you that they have no interest in fashion. I don’t know why they do it. Perhaps they think it makes them superior in some way? I can’t imagine them going on a thread about football for example to tell everyone how they never watch it and think it’s a waste of time.

Sorry about your doog @Ihateboris.

Arses gonna arse.

But yes, the 'WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SPENDING 50P ON YOURSELF YOU PROFLIGATE NINNY' posts are ver' tedious.

I have this mantra: „Me, Me, Me”. And then anything and anyone else. If more women adopted it, they would be a lot happier, I think 😁

Love this! A lot of women on MN could do with adopting this mantra judging by half the threads on husbands and friendships.

Noooo.

The holiday board is fine.

If you send >10k.

Otherwise.

Prepare for incredulity.

The holiday ones are usually jumped on by posters saying they never fly anywhere because climate change blah blah. And we'd all do better staying at home and holidaying down the road.

Lipstick sales go up in times of crisis, it's a proven fact. There's also a story of someone giving lipsticks to women who'd survived being in a concentration camp, and even if they had no clothes they wore scarlet lipstick.

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2022/oct/14/lipstick-effect-britons--luxuries-cost-of-living-crisis (From 2022, but I read similar things in the 2000s/2010s after the recession.)

https://fransorin.com/one-small-act-kindness-saved-lives-impact-giving-lipsticks-women-brink-death/

I painted my nails the other day, the last time was over seven and a half months ago before DS was born. It made me feel like me again. 😊

I snort-laughed on the train and surprised some strangers

Totally agree OP. It's the same with threads about celebrities who have died. You can almost guarantee that within a dozen posts someone will pop up with "who".

Personally, I think some of the posters on S&B need to get themselves to a decent optician, but that's not the point!

Precisely. Wouldn't happen, would it?