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Original poster

To not be in the room when my dog is put to sleep?

216 replies

angelllll · 27/02/2025 10:04

Please read the full context before judging me... Our family dog is going to be put to sleep later today, and I feel really conflicted about going. She has been ill for several weeks now and there have been lots of goodbyes where I've not known if I will see her again. I've taken so many videos and photos thinking this is the last time I will see her, only for her to temporarily bounce back or the vet to give us good news. She is our family dog (we got her when I was a teenager), and my parents and siblings will be in the room with her to say goodbye, so she won't be alone. She is also already sedated and on a lot of medication.

Ever since we got her as a puppy I have dreaded her having to get put to sleep as the idea of being in the room when she passes away freaks me out a lot, especially knowing we are making the decision to end her life (and her suffering). I know I'm being immature and that death is a part of life, but part of me just wants to stay home when they go to the vet so that my last memory is of her at home. She is already at the vets and has been there overnight, I didn't get to properly say goodbye to her as she was only meant to be going in for a blood test but they kept her in. I'm not sure if in time I'll come to regret it or feel guilty about it, though.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 27/02/2025 10:08

I wrote a whole post about how you HAVE to be there but then I re read and saw that people she knows and loves will be with her so I would say if you don't want to its fine
Will you regret it? Impossible to say

Ifeelabnormal · 27/02/2025 10:09

Please go. The number one thing vets say is that they wish more owners would stay with their dogs at the end, as it's the absolute worst seeing a dog look for their owner during the final moments and they are not there :(

It will be painful yes, but in time you'll most likely be glad that you went through it. There's less chance of feeling guilt and regret for not going. Focusing on what your dog needs rather than how you feel may help.

I know it's not easy - been through it with several animals and a parent. But in my experience, given time, you do feel at peace with knowing you were present at the end.

PercyPigInAWig · 27/02/2025 10:09

Go and be with your dog.
It’s the last act of kindness from you.
She will be reassured by your presence.

apostrophewoman · 27/02/2025 10:11

If you were her sole owner, then I would say absolutely, you need to be there. However, if other people she loves are there, then I would say it's ok not to be there, but make sure you don't regret not saying goodbye beforehand. You can always leave the room before the actual deed. If she's already sedated, then she'll just slip away so it's an easier process.

FiveShelties · 27/02/2025 10:11

I think you should go, it is tough but it us just the last thing you can do for a much loved pet.

I am so sorry you are facing this.

Chuchoter · 27/02/2025 10:12

In the nicest possible way, you are a family member, not the main person in the dogs life. It is the duty of the main person to be with the dog at the end.

I think you can excuse yourself from being there as the dog will be surrounded by other loved ones.

Shield980 · 27/02/2025 10:12

Hi,

Could you go in to see her prior to the vet putting her to sleep to say your final goodbye?

ChopolateSauce · 27/02/2025 10:12

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 27/02/2025 10:12

I'm a vet, and I disagree that you need to be there. Sometimes if lots of family come in, especially if all upset, it can be less than peaceful for the dog. She will have people with her, and you can remember her the way she was. All the best

gamerchick · 27/02/2025 10:13

As long as one or some of her humans are there I think it's fine. They look for us.

ShodAndShadySenators · 27/02/2025 10:13

You may regret not being there, but equally you may regret it if you were. At this stage you can't know, but you do know that other family members will be there. It sounds like she's very ill and it's likely she won't be alert when the time comes, so being there would only be for your sake (if you wanted to be) or to be a comfort for your family members. How do they feel about your being there or not?

I feel for you as I do dread this particular scenario with our cat. You do what you have to do, that's the deal when you take them on.

Magnastorm · 27/02/2025 10:13

I couldn't be in the room when my cat was POS. I just couldn't. My OH was there, so perhaps if I'd been by myself I would have stayed, but in that moment I had to leave the room as I just couldn't bear to watch a pet I'd loved for 17 odd years take their last breath. I don't feel guity about it at all.

Do what is best for you. Plenty of people will no doubt try to emotionally blackmail you into staying, but if you can't deal with it, then that's absolutely fine.

gamerchick · 27/02/2025 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Did you actually read the post?

Obscurial · 27/02/2025 10:13

My H and I have lost several pets over the years, and I’ve been with every one of them. It’s awful, heartbreaking, but I can’t let them go alone.
My H refused to go every time because he says he just can’t deal with it, and every time I’ve lost more respect for him, which may sound harsh - no one should do more than they feel they can do, but he was happy for me to go and deal with it, and my reaction to that has ended up, with other contributing factors, with him being my ex.

Go. Know you’ve done your very best for your dog, and be there for your family, they might value your presence as well.

bottlemom · 27/02/2025 10:15

@ChopolateSauce wow. I guess you didn't read the OP before you charged in. How uncalled for!

NC28 · 27/02/2025 10:16

Maybe you need to consider how you’re likely to behave if you go in. Lots of crying, restlessness, anxiety etc might upset and worry the dog. I think calmness and reassurance is best for them in this moment and if that means you being elsewhere, that’s better.

Doggo won’t be on their own, as you said. I hope the poor soul passes peacefully when the time comes.

Magnastorm · 27/02/2025 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

What a shit, horrible way to talk to someone obviously struggling with an incredibly hard decision.

Fucking hell.

Hoppinggreen · 27/02/2025 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

No she isn't and there is no need to be so rude
Read the thread, there will be other loved ones with her

Rabssccuttlefissh · 27/02/2025 10:19

I’ve had two dogs PTS and I was there both times. I stroked the dog and told them how much they were loved. It’s hard but it’s the right thing to do. A dog dedicated their life to you, it’s the least we can do.

NC28 · 27/02/2025 10:19

ooft that’s some edit from the previous poster! 👀

Pancakeflipper · 27/02/2025 10:19

You.dont need to be there. Your dog has others who will hold their paws.

When we've had our pets put to sleep I've always gone and been there but my DP hasn't. I think as long as there is someone who your dog loves is there, that is totally fine. A room full not necessary. You can do goodbyes at home.

If it helps, seeing my lovely pets put to sleep has always been sad but so full of love, knowing we've had alot of love and fun through life. They've been out of pain and died peacefully. Going home without them has been the heartbreaker.

Hoppinggreen · 27/02/2025 10:19

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 27/02/2025 10:12

I'm a vet, and I disagree that you need to be there. Sometimes if lots of family come in, especially if all upset, it can be less than peaceful for the dog. She will have people with her, and you can remember her the way she was. All the best

The last pet we had PTS me, DD and DH went to see her, DS didn't but he had no relationship with her BUT then only I stayed in the room with her.
I was her main person and there was no need for dcat or anyone else to have more than one of us there. Its calmer that way, plus I am more able to hold it together than anyone else.

Hoppinggreen · 27/02/2025 10:20

Hoppinggreen · 27/02/2025 10:17

No she isn't and there is no need to be so rude
Read the thread, there will be other loved ones with her

Show quote history

Nice attempt but plenty of us read it and possibly OP did
You've done the retraction, how about an apology too?

And now I have quoted myself (muppet) but I am taking about @ChopolateSauce

Rowgtfc72 · 27/02/2025 10:21

I didn't stay with our first dog. He had dementia, didn't recognise us. Got him as a 2yr old rescue and had him 14 yrs. He tolerated us.
We said our goodbyes after he was sedated but before he was pts.I did go in after with dd, who was 5 maybe, to show her he was OK, that it wasn't scary and that he wasn't hurting anymore.

I stayed with my other dog as she was very bonded to me and would have looked for me. She was sedated in my arms and we only counted to 2 after the injection. She was ready to go.

You know your ddog best. Sorry you're in this position.

ChristmasPudd1990 · 27/02/2025 10:21

Honestly...as hard as it is(I was in this situation last summer),you really should be there. I've heard they will look for you and it makes the whole thing more stressful for them 😞