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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be in the room when my dog is put to sleep?

216 replies

angelllll · 27/02/2025 10:04

Please read the full context before judging me... Our family dog is going to be put to sleep later today, and I feel really conflicted about going. She has been ill for several weeks now and there have been lots of goodbyes where I've not known if I will see her again. I've taken so many videos and photos thinking this is the last time I will see her, only for her to temporarily bounce back or the vet to give us good news. She is our family dog (we got her when I was a teenager), and my parents and siblings will be in the room with her to say goodbye, so she won't be alone. She is also already sedated and on a lot of medication.

Ever since we got her as a puppy I have dreaded her having to get put to sleep as the idea of being in the room when she passes away freaks me out a lot, especially knowing we are making the decision to end her life (and her suffering). I know I'm being immature and that death is a part of life, but part of me just wants to stay home when they go to the vet so that my last memory is of her at home. She is already at the vets and has been there overnight, I didn't get to properly say goodbye to her as she was only meant to be going in for a blood test but they kept her in. I'm not sure if in time I'll come to regret it or feel guilty about it, though.

OP posts:
BarbaricYawp · 27/02/2025 11:23

If you don't feel being there is right for you, I would absolutely stay away and not feel guilty, whatever pp think they would, or you should, do.

I took a much loved cat to be PTS years ago and still carry the experience with me. For me, it was far more upsetting than anything involving dead or dying people, which I've had a lot of experience of. I can't explain that, but it was. Trust your instinct about what is right for you.

I'm very sorry about your ddog.

whatonearthisgoingonnow · 27/02/2025 11:24

It's really hard but you need to find the strength to do it.

When our cat died we had to take his body home and show the other cats before taking him to the vets to go on to the memorial place, it was the worst journey of my life.

You can't choose to have him die alone without family there holding him.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 27/02/2025 11:24

Ah I’m so sorry x

I think as long as she has other loved ones there, she’ll be ok but think about whether you might regret it in future x

our last family dog went in for an op for cancer and the vet said to my mum if his disease looked too advanced he’d plan to euthanise him on the table, which is what happened. I know my mum felt guilty afterwards she hadn’t been there x

randomchap · 27/02/2025 11:25

Your dog will be with people who love her. That's all that matters.

When my childhood dog was put down, my mum decided to not be in the room as she thought her distress would make it worse for him. So I held him and told him he was a good boy. It was peaceful and no stress for him.

Afterwards, my mum basically did the same. She held me and told me I was a good boy.

That worked for our family. You do what works for you.

My condolences.

Always remember the great life you and your family gave your dog.

TokyoSushi · 27/02/2025 11:25

I'm so sorry OP, our darling cat, who we absolutely adored and had for 18 years was put to sleep at the weekend after being hit by a car. I had never been in the situation before but it was very, very peaceful.

He was wrapped up very snug in lots of blankets and was still very sleepy from the sedation for his xray. I held his paw and stroked his head and told him that he was such a good boy and how much we loved him. I was surprised when the vet said that his heart would stop within 5-10 seconds, and it may have been even quicker than that. There was nothing to 'see' and he didn't look any different before and after. I'd go if you possibly can, I was really glad that I did.

RedPandaLove · 27/02/2025 11:28

angelllll · 27/02/2025 10:04

Please read the full context before judging me... Our family dog is going to be put to sleep later today, and I feel really conflicted about going. She has been ill for several weeks now and there have been lots of goodbyes where I've not known if I will see her again. I've taken so many videos and photos thinking this is the last time I will see her, only for her to temporarily bounce back or the vet to give us good news. She is our family dog (we got her when I was a teenager), and my parents and siblings will be in the room with her to say goodbye, so she won't be alone. She is also already sedated and on a lot of medication.

Ever since we got her as a puppy I have dreaded her having to get put to sleep as the idea of being in the room when she passes away freaks me out a lot, especially knowing we are making the decision to end her life (and her suffering). I know I'm being immature and that death is a part of life, but part of me just wants to stay home when they go to the vet so that my last memory is of her at home. She is already at the vets and has been there overnight, I didn't get to properly say goodbye to her as she was only meant to be going in for a blood test but they kept her in. I'm not sure if in time I'll come to regret it or feel guilty about it, though.

I personally would be with her. I can’t imagine not being with my dog until her last breath, stroking her fur and telling her I love her so much. I would have to be with her until the very end. Only you know what is best for you but just make sure you don’t regret whatever you decide. I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. I can’t imagine being without my girl. Big hugs to you x

Abi86 · 27/02/2025 11:32

Do the right f…… thing OP. This is the last act of respect and love. Be a decent human being.

ttcat37 · 27/02/2025 11:33

You either love her enough to put your own feelings aside or you don’t. I can’t fathom not being there for my pets’ last moments. It’s your last duty after all the love they have given you.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 27/02/2025 11:34

I would be there, it may comfort you. It's over in seconds and is very peaceful.

Verv · 27/02/2025 11:34

You have to go.
It's the last kindness that you can do for your friend and companion.

They look for you when you leave them.

Don't let her meet her end wondering where you are. Fucks sake.

MandyFriend · 27/02/2025 11:35

Ah, this is one of the saddest yet bravest things we can do for our pets. I remember when we had to put our dog to sleep; I was really worried about going into the room with him, but I am so glad I did. It was such a peaceful and kind experience. He was lying on a lovely sheepskin blanket, and I stroked his head while he slipped away. I cried a lot, but I felt relieved to give my little friend such a peaceful passing.
Having said that, if you don't want to go in, you can say your goodbyes at the door and that is absolutely fine too. You know yourself better than anyone, and it's always best to follow your instincts.
Sending you lots of love on this sad day xxx

Sadcafe · 27/02/2025 11:39

Read an article by a vet recently who said people should be there as the dogs look for them and it makes them stressed, they’ve invariably been utterly loyal to their owners all their lives so it’s the least you should do, however OP does state family will be with the dog, so on occasions like this, if it’s just too much to deal with, don’t go

JackieGoodman · 27/02/2025 11:40

As long as you aren't her "main" human then its ok to not be there. We had one of our DDogs pts when DS was very young so only 1 of us could attend.
As long as someone who is (one of) her main humans is there thats the important thing
Flowers

DisforDarkChocolate · 27/02/2025 11:44

I went when our dog was put to sleep, my husband didn't. My husband would have been so upset the dog could have picked up on it. This is something need to consider.

Cookiesandcandies · 27/02/2025 11:44

Provided the dog has a main owner there, you don’t need to be there. I’m very unemotional generally and found putting down a small pet quite traumatic, and seeing them die was quite shocking. If I’d been worried about handling it already, it was worse than I expected and so I wouldn’t recommend.

If no one else was going to be there you 100% would still need to be there, but in this instance I think it’s better if you stay home.

IDidNotSignUpForThis · 27/02/2025 11:46

Our family of four were with our beautiful girl when she was pts. Our teenagers 15 and 17 at the time. I was very clear with them that this was a time to be calm and reassuring for our lovely girl and they could then cry and howl as much as they wanted afterwards. I warned them they were not to come if they couldn’t handle it but they wanted to be there. Life is very very hard and sometimes you have to dig very very deep for those you love. It is the last act of living kindness you can do for them and that is a comfort afterwards. Losing your doggy best friend is heartbreaking- you have obviously given her/ him a life of love and happiness and they are very lucky to have so many special people to care for them. Condolences xx

Pancakeflipper · 27/02/2025 11:47

Abi86 · 27/02/2025 11:32

Do the right f…… thing OP. This is the last act of respect and love. Be a decent human being.

That's mean

Diningtableornot · 27/02/2025 11:48

I think this is fine; she’ll be sedated comfortable and surrounded by loved ones. So sorry for your loss. X

ProfessionalPirate · 27/02/2025 11:49

angelllll · 27/02/2025 10:04

Please read the full context before judging me... Our family dog is going to be put to sleep later today, and I feel really conflicted about going. She has been ill for several weeks now and there have been lots of goodbyes where I've not known if I will see her again. I've taken so many videos and photos thinking this is the last time I will see her, only for her to temporarily bounce back or the vet to give us good news. She is our family dog (we got her when I was a teenager), and my parents and siblings will be in the room with her to say goodbye, so she won't be alone. She is also already sedated and on a lot of medication.

Ever since we got her as a puppy I have dreaded her having to get put to sleep as the idea of being in the room when she passes away freaks me out a lot, especially knowing we are making the decision to end her life (and her suffering). I know I'm being immature and that death is a part of life, but part of me just wants to stay home when they go to the vet so that my last memory is of her at home. She is already at the vets and has been there overnight, I didn't get to properly say goodbye to her as she was only meant to be going in for a blood test but they kept her in. I'm not sure if in time I'll come to regret it or feel guilty about it, though.

In the context that you’ve given, I think it’s fine to stay at home. In fact, it may be best as too many people crowding around could actually be more distressing for her.

Annoying that so many posters clearly didn’t read your whole OP, even though you asked them to literally in your first sentence.

ConnieHeart · 27/02/2025 11:49

Obscurial · 27/02/2025 10:13

My H and I have lost several pets over the years, and I’ve been with every one of them. It’s awful, heartbreaking, but I can’t let them go alone.
My H refused to go every time because he says he just can’t deal with it, and every time I’ve lost more respect for him, which may sound harsh - no one should do more than they feel they can do, but he was happy for me to go and deal with it, and my reaction to that has ended up, with other contributing factors, with him being my ex.

Go. Know you’ve done your very best for your dog, and be there for your family, they might value your presence as well.

She won't be alone

Springsunflower · 27/02/2025 11:50

There was 8 of us in the room when we said goodbye..we sang his special song to him and we all held A BIT of him ..he needed us there to know he was safe and loved I'm crying just writing this
He gave us so much love and happy memories it was the least we could do for him.
But saying that ,as long as your dog is not alone and has some family with him ,you must do what you think is right for you

Caroparo52 · 27/02/2025 11:50

I've been there when all 3 of my dogs had their last breath and I've never ever regretted it. They need reassure from the person they have loved at this scary time.
It makes me cry just writing this to you... but for me it was mylast act of love between me and my best friends. Be there for them...

tachetastic · 27/02/2025 11:51

We have had to do this twice in recent years and on both occasions we agreed that there should be just one of us with each dog at the end. The first time it was me and I cuddled him on my lap as they gave him the injection. The second time we thought that our girl was just going in for treatment and I couldn't get to the vets in time so DH went to sit with her. We would never have let our dogs go through that alone (although the second time the vet wanted to "if he's not here in 20 minutes we're going to do it anyway") but at the same time we wanted them to be calm and comforted. They were old and would have found it confusing to be surrounded by lots of sobbing people.

The only thing I regret was that when I whispered "go to sleep" to my boy, I realised later that he had already gone and wouldn't have been able to hear me. It really is so quick and painless. If I hadn't been holding him and felt the little sigh as it happened you would never have known.

They know you love them. So long as they are with someone they trust you don't need to be there.

Tortielady · 27/02/2025 11:52

Your dog won't die alone and without comfort. She'll have other family members with her and also, veterinary professionals are good at that sort of thing. They will be able to put her at her ease, for, what for her will probably be just another procedure and another injection anyway. By the time our old lady cat got to that point, the medical stuff and those doing it were so familiar to her, it was like falling off a log. She was such a character, the practice even had a nickname for her - Duchess - because of her aristocratic demeanour.

You can only really make this decision for yourself. For me, being there meant the procedure was demystified. I saw my beloved girl drift off painlessly and wasn't left with a headful of horrible imaginings. That was comforting at the time and it helped a year later when we had to do the same for another cat. We now have two seniors, currently healthy, but inevitably, their time will come. I'm dreading it, but not nearly as much as I would if I'd not been there the first time.

Unrelated38 · 27/02/2025 11:52

So long as someone they know and love is there its ok. Not everyone needs to be there. But they shouldn't be alone.

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