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Original poster

To not be in the room when my dog is put to sleep?

216 replies

angelllll · 27/02/2025 10:04

Please read the full context before judging me... Our family dog is going to be put to sleep later today, and I feel really conflicted about going. She has been ill for several weeks now and there have been lots of goodbyes where I've not known if I will see her again. I've taken so many videos and photos thinking this is the last time I will see her, only for her to temporarily bounce back or the vet to give us good news. She is our family dog (we got her when I was a teenager), and my parents and siblings will be in the room with her to say goodbye, so she won't be alone. She is also already sedated and on a lot of medication.

Ever since we got her as a puppy I have dreaded her having to get put to sleep as the idea of being in the room when she passes away freaks me out a lot, especially knowing we are making the decision to end her life (and her suffering). I know I'm being immature and that death is a part of life, but part of me just wants to stay home when they go to the vet so that my last memory is of her at home. She is already at the vets and has been there overnight, I didn't get to properly say goodbye to her as she was only meant to be going in for a blood test but they kept her in. I'm not sure if in time I'll come to regret it or feel guilty about it, though.

OP posts:
LolaJ87 · 27/02/2025 10:23

My husband and I were with our dog for this last week. It was hard, so hard, we held and stroked her face as she died. I'm glad I was there for her though, that I was with her until the end. If you can find a way to be there, I don't think you'll regret it, but only you can decide.

Secretvet · 27/02/2025 10:23

Another vet here who agrees with the vet above, do what is right for you. Your pet will have family around them, and too much upset can be a bad thing. The poster above who said it was the number one gripe of vets that owners weren’t with their animals, this is entirely wrong, and has been proved. Most owners stay, but some can’t and that is their choice. And believe me, that pet will have cuddles and comfort from the nurses and vets whilst they go.

For what it is worth I’m an oldish vet now and put many many animals to sleep. However I cannot contemplate being around a human who is dying and definitely could not see someone who has passed away, it gives me real fear. So each to their own and do what you need to do. Big hugs @angelllll .

Bonjovispyjamas · 27/02/2025 10:23

So sorry OP, it's heartbreaking to lose a beloved pet. I was there when my cat was put to sleep, as hard as it was, I didn't want him to be without me in his last moments, but if other family members are going to be there, it's totally up to you.

GloriousBlue · 27/02/2025 10:24

Like a PP, I'm a vet, and agree you don't need to be in the room at all.

I've done countless euthanasias (maybe 1,000?) and the dogs aren't really focused on who is there, and I've never been disheartened when family weren't there, and don't feel it affects the dog.

If sedated, being there would be for you and not them. If you've decided you'd rather not be there, absolutely, protect yourself.

Kittygolightlyy · 27/02/2025 10:25

Yeah. It’s not about you it’s about your dog. Please be with her 💔

ForRealCat · 27/02/2025 10:26

I think it is important your dog has someone there, and they will. I also think if you are going to struggle to hold it together it will be more distressing for your dog- I know mine gets very confused when I am upset. So whilst I would encourage every owner to make sure their dog isn't alone, yours wont.

Have some last cuddles and these precious moments.

Anotherparkingthread · 27/02/2025 10:27

If she has other family members there then it isn't an issue. The situation vets are talking about us when an owner leaves the dog alone with the vet and the animals is scared and concerned looking for their owner. This won't be the case. She's your family's dog as they got her when you were a teen so I don't think it should be expected of you if you haven't the stomach for it.

SnoopysHoose · 27/02/2025 10:32

Go and be with her, let her hear your voice once last time and let her know she's the bestest girl ever.
My soul dog died in surgery and it broke me to never see her and say good bye, it's the last thing you'll ever do for her is give her comfort, put her before your feelings.

YeOldeGreyhound · 27/02/2025 10:34

Thank you to the vets on in this thread that are countering the things you always see online about how your pet looks frantically for you. If your pet does not like the vets, they will be looking for you if you are dropping them off for a blood test. Some dogs get frantic and look for their owners when they get dropped a the groomers. They don't know they are going to be PTS.
My dog hates the vets, so I have some money put aside for home vet service when her time comes.

OP - you don't need to be there, especially as other family will be too. Your dog is not going to be looking for you specifically. As you said, they are already sedated anyway. I hope they have a peaceful passing.

WaitingForMojo · 27/02/2025 10:34

GloriousBlue · 27/02/2025 10:24

Like a PP, I'm a vet, and agree you don't need to be in the room at all.

I've done countless euthanasias (maybe 1,000?) and the dogs aren't really focused on who is there, and I've never been disheartened when family weren't there, and don't feel it affects the dog.

If sedated, being there would be for you and not them. If you've decided you'd rather not be there, absolutely, protect yourself.

This is very reassuring, as my dog was PTS recently having deteriorated quickly at the vet’s while hospitalised. The vet felt that he would suffer if he had to wait the 20 mins it would have taken me to get there. I wanted to be with him but couldn’t let him suffer. The posts online about dogs looking for their owner in their final moments have devastated me.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 27/02/2025 10:35

Personally, I'd be with her. It's the last thing you can do for her.

If you dont, will you regret it? I don't know. I would.

DDog was PTS in December, and I've had two others over the years nad I would never not have been there.

Sorry for what you are going through.

hehehesorry · 27/02/2025 10:35

If you've been a good owner I don't see the problem with not being there. Yes the dog might look around for you but it would do the same if going in for an operation, they don't know they're dying. If your dog could talk and you could explain how much it would stay with you and upset you and freak you out and asked permission to not be there, dogs are such lovely creatures they'd never expect you to be. Life is for the living and your dog's troubles will be over, don't do something that will negatively affect you for life if you feel strongly about it but also take alot of thought on whether missing it will haunt you. Hope you're taking care of yourself, it's the worst part of owning a dog.

Kittygolightlyy · 27/02/2025 10:36

I read about an owner that gave her dog chocolate 🍫 to lick / smell / nibble in her last trip to the vets. The dog died with her owner and chocolate.

MrsJoanDanvers · 27/02/2025 10:36

If you were the main owner, I’d strongly disagree, but as your companion has other loved and familiar faces there, it’s not really whether it will benefit the dog, but how you’ll feel about it. Personally, I feel that my pet has been a great companion over the years so to be there when it’s put to sleep is a final act of service that I could do for her. I’d think, put your big girl pants on and be there-otherwise, I’d regret it deeply. Maybe you don’t feel like that-we’re all different-but if you think you’ll look back with regrets, then do it. But your dog will be sedated and have her beloved humans with her so don’t feel bad if it’s not for you.

Wolfiefan · 27/02/2025 10:36

Someone needs to be there. It doesn’t have to be you. I stayed with our pets. My husband wouldn’t want to. I did want to. It needs to be someone who can stay calm and focused on what the pet needs until they’ve passed.

MrsJoanDanvers · 27/02/2025 10:38

Kittygolightlyy · 27/02/2025 10:36

I read about an owner that gave her dog chocolate 🍫 to lick / smell / nibble in her last trip to the vets. The dog died with her owner and chocolate.

Yes, I had mine put to sleep at home, with the children and a big bowl of roast chicken. My 14 year old daughter rubbed his ears as he passed over and it was very peaceful. Pity I can’t have the same when my time comes!

Pancakeflipper · 27/02/2025 10:39

WaitingForMojo · 27/02/2025 10:34

This is very reassuring, as my dog was PTS recently having deteriorated quickly at the vet’s while hospitalised. The vet felt that he would suffer if he had to wait the 20 mins it would have taken me to get there. I wanted to be with him but couldn’t let him suffer. The posts online about dogs looking for their owner in their final moments have devastated me.

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Big hug. Your DDog will always know you were their trusted person and you loved them.

I'm sorry, it sounds pretty traumatic for you. Please don't worry about letting them down. You didn't.

Mirrorxxx · 27/02/2025 10:39

You will always regret it if you don’t. I missed the death of two of our family dogs due to being out of the country and I still feel awful about it. Our other dog being pts was awful but I would never regret being there to hold him as he went to sleep. You should do what is best for the dog.

GottaGetOutofDairy · 27/02/2025 10:41

As long as the dog has someone they know and love with them, that's fine. It doesn't have to be everyone they know and love.

Zanatdy · 27/02/2025 10:41

It’s hard but I personally think i’d have to be there. Dreading it, but i’m the person he loves the most so i’d have to be there.

WinterBones · 27/02/2025 10:43

WaitingForMojo · 27/02/2025 10:34

This is very reassuring, as my dog was PTS recently having deteriorated quickly at the vet’s while hospitalised. The vet felt that he would suffer if he had to wait the 20 mins it would have taken me to get there. I wanted to be with him but couldn’t let him suffer. The posts online about dogs looking for their owner in their final moments have devastated me.

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i had to make the same decision for my cat at the back end of last year.. he was already under anaesthetic for an x-ray/ultrasound and the vet didn't think waking him up would be the right thing, so i made the decision to let him go, and didn't get to say goodbye.

Don't beat yourself up, you did what was best for him under vets advice.. sometimes letting them go is the last kindness we can do.

RhubarbAndFlustered · 27/02/2025 10:46

If other people are there then she will be comforted. Vets have repeatedly said that the one thing that all dogs do is try to look for their loved ones when the drugs are being administered. They understandably don't want to be alone and it is a natural reaction. I'm am so sorry for your loss and if you cannot be there then at least your dog will have other loved ones with them.

Coralsunset · 27/02/2025 10:49

If the dog has family with them, then no, they won’t care that you aren’t there.

GigiGrey · 27/02/2025 10:50

No one else can tell you what the right thing to do is. I was in this exact situation with my family dog a few years ago. We got him as a puppy when we were children but were all adults when he was PTS. I was determined to be there for him and cradled his head and told him how much I loved him, along with two of my brothers. My younger brother couldn't bring himself to come into the room and was in pieces, so my mum chose to comfort him in the waiting room whilst it was happening. As a family we didn't judge each other for choosing what felt right as individuals.

What I would say is that I'm so glad I was in the room with him, but it was extremely difficult watching/feeling him leave us and I struggled with that for a long time afterwards. I know I'll do it again when I need to for my current dog though. Your family dog won't be alone if you choose not to be there. He'll be surrounded by love. Given the circumstances I'd encourage you to choose what feels right for you.

WaitingForMojo · 27/02/2025 10:52

Those saying ‘I’d have to be there’ and ‘I couldn’t not be there’ - remember that it isn’t always an option.