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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be in the room when my dog is put to sleep?

216 replies

angelllll · 27/02/2025 10:04

Please read the full context before judging me... Our family dog is going to be put to sleep later today, and I feel really conflicted about going. She has been ill for several weeks now and there have been lots of goodbyes where I've not known if I will see her again. I've taken so many videos and photos thinking this is the last time I will see her, only for her to temporarily bounce back or the vet to give us good news. She is our family dog (we got her when I was a teenager), and my parents and siblings will be in the room with her to say goodbye, so she won't be alone. She is also already sedated and on a lot of medication.

Ever since we got her as a puppy I have dreaded her having to get put to sleep as the idea of being in the room when she passes away freaks me out a lot, especially knowing we are making the decision to end her life (and her suffering). I know I'm being immature and that death is a part of life, but part of me just wants to stay home when they go to the vet so that my last memory is of her at home. She is already at the vets and has been there overnight, I didn't get to properly say goodbye to her as she was only meant to be going in for a blood test but they kept her in. I'm not sure if in time I'll come to regret it or feel guilty about it, though.

OP posts:
Tara336 · 27/02/2025 12:28

I stayed with My Ddog because I was the person he loved most, he went to sleep in my arms being told how much I loved him. He loved other family members but I know it was my presence that mattered no one else's.

Ladamesansmerci · 27/02/2025 12:28

It's personal choice.

If you can though, go. PTS is very peaceful. They really do just drift to sleep. I've always actually found it comforting and a relief as the suffering is finally done.

Don't feel shamed by others or this thread to go though. If you can't cope with it, that's okay.

Glitchymn1 · 27/02/2025 12:29

I would try and be there if you can. It’s different to how it used to be.

What I did was close my eyes, your dog won’t know if your eyes are open or not. I put my face by his and my hands on him and I told him he was a good boy. I never looked at him, I wanted to remember him the way he was. I will always love him.

My Dh and the vet also touched him and told him he was a good boy.

He was gone in seconds. It was silent and fast- so fast. The vet then covered him and we left.

Be strong OP, take a friend if you can.

yumyum33 · 27/02/2025 12:29

You owe it to your dog to be with her.

Paddingtonscaresme · 27/02/2025 12:29

I was away when my dog became seriously ill and had to be put to sleep. She was with her dog minder who she adored so she wasn't alone but I will never get over the guilt from not being there. I still cry today if I think about it.

I'd say if you possibly can, then be there.

Brefugee · 27/02/2025 12:30

angelllll · 27/02/2025 10:04

Please read the full context before judging me... Our family dog is going to be put to sleep later today, and I feel really conflicted about going. She has been ill for several weeks now and there have been lots of goodbyes where I've not known if I will see her again. I've taken so many videos and photos thinking this is the last time I will see her, only for her to temporarily bounce back or the vet to give us good news. She is our family dog (we got her when I was a teenager), and my parents and siblings will be in the room with her to say goodbye, so she won't be alone. She is also already sedated and on a lot of medication.

Ever since we got her as a puppy I have dreaded her having to get put to sleep as the idea of being in the room when she passes away freaks me out a lot, especially knowing we are making the decision to end her life (and her suffering). I know I'm being immature and that death is a part of life, but part of me just wants to stay home when they go to the vet so that my last memory is of her at home. She is already at the vets and has been there overnight, I didn't get to properly say goodbye to her as she was only meant to be going in for a blood test but they kept her in. I'm not sure if in time I'll come to regret it or feel guilty about it, though.

i don't need any context.
Be in the room. FFS

Hotflushesandchilblains · 27/02/2025 12:32

Very gently and respectfully, I think you would be wrong not to be there. Whether you are in the room or not makes no difference to the actual decision - that has been made already. She will be comforted by your presence, however sedated she is, and it is the last loving act you can do for her. Yes, you will have to sit with that for a while, but you are not doing it for no reason, and as sad as you feel, you will know you did the right thing.

Hoppinggreen · 27/02/2025 12:35

Chenecinquantecinq · 27/02/2025 12:24

You absolutely must be there read on line the articles written by vets saying how selfish it is of owners to put themselves first and how distressed the dogs are when owners wimp out!

You absolutely must read the part when OP says other family members will be there who are much closer to the dog
You should probably apologise to OP for calling her selfish as well

Onlycoffee · 27/02/2025 12:35

Have pp read the whole op? The OPs parents and siblings will be with there.

My dd chose not to be in the room with us and she's never regretted it. Our beautiful old boy was given a sedative beforehand and it was over quickly and peacefully but it was still traumatic.

Me and my DH were able to focus on our boy without needing to support or be available in those moments for anyone else.

Lyn397 · 27/02/2025 12:36

I went the first time and was such a mess that DH went alone the next time. As long as someone is with her that she knows and loves it's fine. I wouldn't go again unless the dog was only attached to me or no one else could go. It would be awful for them to be alone or with people they don't know well but that's not going to be the case.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 27/02/2025 12:36

I’ve seen a few posts / memes where people pile on horrendous guilt and pressure for people by saying they must be there but I am quite a lot more empathic than that and I think it genuinely can be unbearable for some people. It’s simply not helpful or compassionate to post ‘be there for him’ or ‘don’t let her down when she needs you.’ Your decision must be based on what you feel is right for you and not any one else. You can give your dog love and goodbyes until the moment is very close and have them with someone else that they feel safe with.

Glitchymn1 · 27/02/2025 12:38

Actually if already heavily sedated and your parents etc will be there your dog will have plenty of love. If you can’t be there, I know it’s hard. Look after yourself xxx

GinAndJuice99 · 27/02/2025 12:39

ChristmasPudd1990 · 27/02/2025 10:21

Honestly...as hard as it is(I was in this situation last summer),you really should be there. I've heard they will look for you and it makes the whole thing more stressful for them 😞

Read the post properly - it's the family dog, probably more the parents' than the OP's if anything, and several other people will be there

Of course she shouldn't go if she doesn't want to

ChristmasPudd1990 · 27/02/2025 12:45

GinAndJuice99 · 27/02/2025 12:39

Read the post properly - it's the family dog, probably more the parents' than the OP's if anything, and several other people will be there

Of course she shouldn't go if she doesn't want to

Show quote history

No one "wants to be there" do they? Silly thing to say 🙄

MummaMummaMumma · 27/02/2025 12:46

I don't think the whole family need to be in the room, but definitely someone she is very close with should be.
Poor pup. Sending hugs.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 27/02/2025 12:47

Depends. Who is your dog’s main person? If it’s you then go. If not, then I think you’re ok. You could also go; just to give him a goodbye cuddle and then step outside.

FoolishHips · 27/02/2025 12:48

They don't look for you if they're sedated and asleep so stop being so mean.

My dog was put to sleep (unexpectedly) at the beginning of the year and I was there until it didn't work and had to be redone (which was horrific). I was on my own and in absolute bits....my legs were visibly shaking and I couldn't take anymore so the vet took him through to a different room to give him a second injection. He was asleep and the vet was very reassuring.

UrsulasHerbBag · 27/02/2025 12:50

Mum went in with our cats dad couldn’t face it. She wouldn’t let me or my late teens brother in with her because she didn’t want us distressed. It is absolutely up to you and perfectly understandable if you can’t face it. Your DDog will not be alone and has had wonderful happy times with you. I am so sorry losing our pets is heartbreaking.

BrooookeDavis · 27/02/2025 12:51

The only thing that matters is that the individual who is the dogs 'person' is there. If that's you then yes you need to be there but if it's a different family member they're the only one that needs to be there. Everyone else can decide fot themselves.

AgnesX · 27/02/2025 12:51

You really ought to be there for your dog. It's heartbreaking but you have to gird your loins. They do know that you're there.

And I'm speaking from experience.

oakleaffy · 27/02/2025 13:01

@angelllll As your parents and siblings will be in with her, it's ok if you don't go.

Our first dog was PTS at home {terminal illness} and my son just couldn't be present- he sat in the loo, sobbing quietly, and wouldn't even see her body afterwards - he just couldn't face it.

Home Euthanasia is best, but obviously not all animals can be in that situation.

I understood son not being able to face it.
He'd said his goodbyes to her - in fact, she said her goodbye to him- and me the night before- very moving.

Her passing was so easy.

However, if you were the dog's only owner, I'd have said you should have been there for the dog's wellbeing.

It's very hard on us..I have a lump in my throat just reading your post.

shootingstar1 · 27/02/2025 13:02

I think you need to do what's best for you. Your dog won't be alone and will have loved ones beside them when they pass. I thought I wouldn't be able to be there when mine was PTS... however my husband and I stayed with him and I'm so glad we did. It was very peaceful and I'm sure he knew we were with him which helped with saying goodbye . However if I was really upset and crying lots (which I did afterwards) I might have chosen to stay out of the room. I'd worry he would have picked up on my upset and he wouldn't have had the peaceful goodbye he deserved . Like I said at the beginning , it's totally your choice, and be assured that you are doing the right thing . Take care x

TarnishedMoonstone · 27/02/2025 13:02

RhubarbAndFlustered · 27/02/2025 10:46

If other people are there then she will be comforted. Vets have repeatedly said that the one thing that all dogs do is try to look for their loved ones when the drugs are being administered. They understandably don't want to be alone and it is a natural reaction. I'm am so sorry for your loss and if you cannot be there then at least your dog will have other loved ones with them.

Sorry, but as other vets on this thread have said, this simply isn’t true and it’s not fair to guilt owners like this. Animals don’t know they are being euthanised, very few “look for their owners” if they leave, and any animal that was distressed would be sedated first. Most owners stay, but if someone feels they can’t it’s generally better they go, because an owner in emotional meltdown is something that CAN distress an animal. Like a PP, I’ve probably carried out a thousand euthanasias, and i really hate this guilt tripping “all vets think you should stay”. No we don’t. We think you should do what’s best in your situation, which usually means at least one person staying with the animal, but not always.

ThatMerryReader · 27/02/2025 13:04

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bridgetreilly · 27/02/2025 13:04

You are her person. You say she won’t be alone at the end, but she will need YOU to be there. It’s part of loving her, even if it’s hard for you. Personally, I would feel guilty forever if I wasn’t there.

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