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Original poster

To not be in the room when my dog is put to sleep?

216 replies

angelllll · 27/02/2025 10:04

Please read the full context before judging me... Our family dog is going to be put to sleep later today, and I feel really conflicted about going. She has been ill for several weeks now and there have been lots of goodbyes where I've not known if I will see her again. I've taken so many videos and photos thinking this is the last time I will see her, only for her to temporarily bounce back or the vet to give us good news. She is our family dog (we got her when I was a teenager), and my parents and siblings will be in the room with her to say goodbye, so she won't be alone. She is also already sedated and on a lot of medication.

Ever since we got her as a puppy I have dreaded her having to get put to sleep as the idea of being in the room when she passes away freaks me out a lot, especially knowing we are making the decision to end her life (and her suffering). I know I'm being immature and that death is a part of life, but part of me just wants to stay home when they go to the vet so that my last memory is of her at home. She is already at the vets and has been there overnight, I didn't get to properly say goodbye to her as she was only meant to be going in for a blood test but they kept her in. I'm not sure if in time I'll come to regret it or feel guilty about it, though.

OP posts:
YeOldeGreyhound · 27/02/2025 10:54

RhubarbAndFlustered · 27/02/2025 10:46

If other people are there then she will be comforted. Vets have repeatedly said that the one thing that all dogs do is try to look for their loved ones when the drugs are being administered. They understandably don't want to be alone and it is a natural reaction. I'm am so sorry for your loss and if you cannot be there then at least your dog will have other loved ones with them.

Actually, the vets on this thread have said that is not he case. Dogs don't know they are being PTS. My dog has looked for me when she was taken away for a blood test.

Mama2many73 · 27/02/2025 10:58

I've not been in your position but now with our first dog I do think about it. As long as some of her family, who she loves and who love her, are with her she won't be alone and I think it's fine for you to choose not to be there.
Thinking of you and your family xx

longtompot · 27/02/2025 11:00

So sorry @angelllll I am dreading the day too. As yours will have other family members in with her, maybe you could be in the waiting room and if you feel you want to be in there then you can be. Only you know if you might regret not being there💐

Secretvet · 27/02/2025 11:00

Please see this fb link to see that vets don’t say that about dogs looking frantically for owners.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid02UBdzNu5Ngk4ZGqgyzQ5k8aZNAC7Zc8sqc8L5LbRG5mzhV8MVZfEF2jJxrRffdyEWl&id=100037042610002

Miloarmadillo2 · 27/02/2025 11:00

Ifeelabnormal · 27/02/2025 10:09

Please go. The number one thing vets say is that they wish more owners would stay with their dogs at the end, as it's the absolute worst seeing a dog look for their owner during the final moments and they are not there :(

It will be painful yes, but in time you'll most likely be glad that you went through it. There's less chance of feeling guilt and regret for not going. Focusing on what your dog needs rather than how you feel may help.

I know it's not easy - been through it with several animals and a parent. But in my experience, given time, you do feel at peace with knowing you were present at the end.

This is absolute bullshit that just circulates constantly on social media and will not die. The vast majority of owners will have someone stay with the pet and if they can’t for whatever reason the vet does not judge and the animal will be fine with a nurse cuddling, they have zero concept of what is happening. Every time this does the rounds again hundreds of vets say what a pile of guilt inducing bollocks it is.

Phobiaphobic · 27/02/2025 11:00

I thought the same as you, OP, that I couldn't bear it. But I did, and I was there for her when it came to it. What I couldn't have lived with is the knowledge that I let her down when she most needed me. Don't do that to yourself, OP.

AnonymousBleep · 27/02/2025 11:01

You don't need to be there if she's not going to be looking to you, and there are other people there with her at the end. So long as she's with people who love her, she'll be fine. It's really tough letting them go but it's the right thing to do. Sending hugs.

SallyWD · 27/02/2025 11:01

The vet asked me to be present with my cat when she was put to sleep. Quite honestly I was terrified. I thought it would be awful, I thought I wouldn't cope. All I can say it was so, so peaceful. She literally just went limp in my arms That was it. No suffering at all. I'm so glad I was with her in her last moments.

Gymmum82 · 27/02/2025 11:01

Veterinary professional here and I disagree with any vet who says you don’t need to be there. You absolutely do unless the dog is sedated. In which case you stay until they are unconscious and unaware.
They are distressed when left alone and it’s heartbreaking to witness as a non owner. They need someone they know and love to be present

SalfordQuays · 27/02/2025 11:02

Obviously it’s fine for you not to be there OP, as other family will be there. On reflection it would have been a good idea to start your post with ALL THE REST OF MY FAMILY WILL BE THERE SO THE DOG WILL NOT BE ALONE, in capital letters, to help all the posters who are incapable of reading beyond the first line 🤦‍♀️

StarDolphins · 27/02/2025 11:02

100% I would never ever not be there for my dog in his last moments. No matter who else was there that love him. he needs you there.

GloriousBlue · 27/02/2025 11:02

Just to add to my previous comment, as it's obviously a big worry for some:

Please don't feel guilty if you weren't there or won't be there.

Having an experienced and kind vet professional being the one to hold your dog rather than you actually has upsides.

I find that, often, euthanasias are much quicker and less stressful when owners aren't there, to be honest.

I'm more relaxed and find the pet is too.

Many owners who stay get understandably very upset, and this can be unsettling for their pet.

When the owner is there, we spend time comforting the owner and talking things through with them. This can take attention from the pet in some ways.

There's pros and cons to both options, but I'd hate to think people feel guilty and tormented for not being there, when I just don't see it affecting pets in the way it is assumed to.

Calmestofallthechickens · 27/02/2025 11:03

Do what you feel is going to be best for you. Some people want to be there because they feel it will be helpful, help them process the situation; but if you will find it traumatic and you prefer to have the memories of your dog at home, then don’t go.

I don’t agree when people say the dogs ‘look for their owners at the end’ and I hate it when people guilt owners about ‘not being there for the dog’ - they don’t know what is happening, they don’t understand the permanence of death, and veterinary professionals are very experienced in making it a smooth and stress free experience. It is basically the same as when they go under anaesthetic, and owners are never present for this.

Floralnomad · 27/02/2025 11:05

As long as someone that she knows is with her then that’s fine . I had plans for having my dog pts at home but sadly he ended up being pts in an emergency vets at 3am on a Sunday morning , personally I couldn’t not have been there to hold him in my arms one last time as he passed but equally I don’t feel you need too many people as it’s not a spectator event . Best wishes 💐

Insideallday · 27/02/2025 11:05

You should be there. I stared into my dogs eyes, rubbing his ears, telling him he was the best boy ever and to go off to sleep. His was always there for me and I owed it to him.

Iheartmysmart · 27/02/2025 11:06

Other members of your family will be there so your lovely dog will have familiar faces and voices for comfort. I had to have my old boy put to sleep as an emergency about 18 months ago. DS was away at Uni and couldn’t get home in time, I felt awful telling him afterwards but he understood the situation. Sending 💐 @angelllll losing a loved pet is awful.

Avelina · 27/02/2025 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

You just couldn't wait to stick the boot in could you? You couldn't even be bothered to actually read the post, even when the first line clearly said please read the full post for context

KimFan · 27/02/2025 11:17

PercyPigInAWig · 27/02/2025 10:09

Go and be with your dog.
It’s the last act of kindness from you.
She will be reassured by your presence.

This. Sending love 💕

Saveusernsme · 27/02/2025 11:17

Is there a reason you don’t want to be there? Are you worried about the process?

I had to have three of ours PTS last year, and a pony. It was an awful year. I was so scared the first time but I was so pleased I was there for her in the end. It was peaceful, and I got to give her a final kiss goodbye. The vet was great and let us slip out the back and sort the financials later.

Are you likely to regret not being there?

ChristmasPudd1990 · 27/02/2025 11:18

WaitingForMojo · 27/02/2025 10:52

Those saying ‘I’d have to be there’ and ‘I couldn’t not be there’ - remember that it isn’t always an option.

Of course but if there is an option....

sesquipedalian · 27/02/2025 11:19

OP, our DCat had to be put to sleep - I couldn’t not have been there, and afterwards, I was glad I had been. It was very peaceful, and I felt it was the last thing I could do for her. I think you would feel guilty afterwards if you don’t - not that you should, just that I fear you might.

mondaytosunday · 27/02/2025 11:19

As long as she has a people with her then you don't have to be. We put down our dog last year, and me and my daughter were with him. But if my DH was alive he wouldn't have been physically able to.
I'm the most important person in my dogs life, so I absolutely had to be there.

Priddy · 27/02/2025 11:20

Feel the fear and the grief and do it anyway. This is about her and her comfort, not about you. Down the line, when your parents and siblings talk about it and about the dog, you will be reminded that when the time came to be strong, you flunked out.

I speak as someone who has held two much-loved dogs as they died and will always be glad that my scent and voice and touch was the last thing they knew.

Saveusernsme · 27/02/2025 11:21

Op, I would just add, whatever you decide is the right decision for you. Once you’ve decided, move on and don’t think about it again. It’s not for anyone else to decide or judge you. You are allowed to not feel guilty about your choice here. You’ll have enough to deal with as it is so be kind to yourself.

KeenOtter · 27/02/2025 11:22

I am so sorry.

I couldn't be with one of my dogs when they were pts during covid. It still haunts me.

I have been with my other dogs when they have been pts and usually it is a calm and loving moment. I kiss their heads and stroke their ears and they usually look at you with calm and love.

I feel able to grieve better when I was with them right to the end knowing that they knew my love and gratitude for them. I feel I owe it to them.

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