to think maybe its ok and actually quite normal to not have close friends?

[Anothernameschange]

Read a lot of posts on here about friends not being genuine, caring, on there as good time friends etc etc and seeing all the expectations of lifelong close friendships I've realised I don't actually have many...if any I could categorise as the seeing regularly /almost like family category that other people have.

Now don't get me wrong I am not trying to do a woe is me post - though I would be lying if I said this has never upset me - but now that I'm older, almost 40 and handling a small family etc I realise I struggle to find the time to see even one friend regularly let alone a big group like you see on social media.

So my thought is that maybe now, esp post covid, people in my situation don't have friends and actually its more common than most people think.

I don’t know how common it is but I value having a few really close, really supportive friends.

it takes work to keep up those relationships but it’s worth it for me.

I think it’s becoming more normal as people are increasingly lonely and isolated, especially post Covid with work from home. It’s not healthy and really you do need close relationships with others outside of your family. I don’t have a huge amount of friends but the ones I do have are very close, I value them massively. Life would be rubbish without them!

I don't have any close friends, I have my husband, my family and my kids.
I have friends, who I enjoy spending time with, but I don't give them all of me. I am introverted and only feel really comfortable round my husband. I'm sure this is fairly common?

I personally would find it really odd. Can't imagine how lonely it would be when a marriage breaks down if you had no close friends.

I don’t think it’s normal not to have friends and it wouldn’t be ok for me

I am single so really need and value my friends. It is so important to have support around e.g. parenting teenagers.

I can't imagine being completely reliant on a husband/partner - what happens if they leave you or die unexpectedly?

I think if you have a bit close knit family you tend not to need as strong a friend base and perhaps don’t work as hard on it.
I don’t have much to do with my family therefore work really hard at maintaining my Friend base and make it a priority. It is absolutely worth it and never too late. Two people I count as some of my best friends I have only got to know in the last 5 years. But you really do have to put the effort in if that’s what you want.

I'd be lost without my friends. It surely depends what you trust them to do or not to do. I can't think of any friend who's done anything that would mean I don't trust them. Tbh extended family members have been much less trustworthy but in a way why should a cousin or a brother-in-law put themselves out for me, compared to a friend I've known since primary school?

It's common- even preferred- on MN certainly.

I don't, either - through circumstance, not choice. Always used to have close friends and less-close friends, and I do miss that.

Like most close relationships, though, friendships come with complications, and I think they've got more complicated since the pandemic. I can understand people not bothering.

It may be normal, but I absolutely hate it. I am seeing more and more of it as I try and get to know people. (To replace the people I've lost)!

I had a 30 something say to me the other day that things are so shockingly different from 10 years ago. I have lost perspective somewhat because I've been so saddened by the loss of friends through lockdown. So it was interesting to hear it from someone else. She was very in favour of lockdown and she blames technology. Always interesting to hear another point of view.

However, this is MN where apparently it's normal to blank people you know (and allegedly like) in the street. Oh, and also it's normal to not want to sit next to the family and friends that you booked to have lunch with.

So you'll get a lot of people telling you it's normal and they love it.

MN's what I do to make up for not having any friends! Probably explains it.

I have 2 I see weekly.
1 see maybe fortnightly but message daily
And 2 I see maybe 6 weekly.
But that's it. I don't have general friends.
We're not a circle of friends though they're ones I've met either si ce childhood or being a parent to a now adult dc

I’d just found out my so called best friends have been bitching about me and DH behind our backs and spreading lies about us so I’ll do without in future 🙁.

I find it really sad when women 'lose' friends when they get married and have children. See it on here all time

I have a few friends but they don't play an active role in my day to day life and vice versa. I find people are all consumed with their own families..not just their DC, but parents, siblings, etc.

In my twenties, my friends and I lived our lives together...now our lives are separate and we just occasionally catch up to discuss them.

I don't think it's vanishingly rare, but I also don't think it's the norm. As for whether it's okay, each to their own, but I made a huge effort to keep up friendships when my child was young. Your children will grow up, you might divorce or be widowed. I wanted other relationships in my life.

I am in that stage of life where DC are grown and DH works long hours.
I can tell you that this stage of life is no fun without friends.

Yes I agree, I have a couple of friends who I’ve known since I was 11, I see each of them maybe 3 times a year and it’s lovely to chat, just super relaxing as we know each other so well - but we don’t really stay in touch outside those meet-ups, life is busy!
And I’ve got a big group of friends from university who mostly live in different places, we tend to have a weekend away once a year, chat on a WhatsApp group and occasionally meet up if someone’s down in London.
Apart from DH, most of my day to day chat is with school mums, other people who sing in my choir, work colleagues, all great people but no organised meet ups just to socialise.
So no I don’t have friends who are very close and we meet up loads and message all the time, I guess that would be nice but it’s not something I miss. Never had any friendship group dramas either which seem to be a feature of life for many people on MN!

I don't have any friends, I prefer it that way. DH is my best friend, and I'm very close to my (adult) dds, DSD and my family. I also prefer my own company a lot of the time.

I also think often people live far away from each other...I live in London and many of my friends have left the area. We get together but it's a huge ordeal to arrange and a whole day has to be set aside.

Effort needs to work both ways. It is disappointing when you are trying really hard to meet people and the expectation is that you sort it as no one else volunteers. Or if you try and try to organise things and it is clear you are not a priority. Not even in the top 100 on the priority list. I have given up tbh and it's fine. Everyone is very busy and I am grateful they have full lives. I have friends and people I speak to regularly but no super close friends.

I find it really odd that in a country where half of all marriages end in divorce, women want to put their emotional eggs in one basket ie their husbands.
I say that as someone who has been married nearly 30 years.

It’s ok if you are ok with it. I really don’t like ‘normal’ as we are all so different. I do have one close friend who I really value, but we only meet a couple of times a month at most. Another friend I meet every few months. That’s fine with me. Most other friendships have drifted over time as we have grown older and changed.

There is a gluten free cookbook author Becky Excell who has had some articles written recently about her and having no friends. Based off her instagram it’s definitely much more common than you would think.