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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not Invited to Cousin's Wedding

478 replies

Caribun · 23/02/2025 20:33

My cousin is getting married. We used to live next door to each other when we were teenagers and have always been friendly. There's no big family drama, no issues, we don't see each other frequently but text occasionally, and see each other at family gatherings.

Cousin has invited all of our family, and all of her cousins (including all my siblings) to her wedding, but hasn't invited me. I've spoken to my Mum about it who says she thinks it's because we have small children, they aren't having kids at their wedding, and we have no one to look after the kids (my entire family will be at the wedding, DH is an orphan and only child).

Whilst I appreciate that may be the case AIBU to think it would have been nice to receive just a courtesy invitation rather than just being completely ignored? I feel so hurt that it's left me in tears and I can't really think rationally about it.

I haven't asked her directly because I don't do conflict, so I'm just quietly very sad.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 24/02/2025 18:48

Netmumnet · 24/02/2025 18:22

I hope it rains on her wedding day x

I hope the maid of honour shags the groom at the reception, there's a massive punch up and the brides dress splits as she's putting it on.

And the marriage then doesn't make it til the honeymoon...

...just so the OP gets to send a message saying "hope the wedding was lovely".

Tiredofallthis101 · 24/02/2025 18:50

OrangeYaGlad · 24/02/2025 18:28

I find it really interesting that everyone assumes the bride is being a total bitch for absolutely no reason, when the far more likely explanation is that she does have a reason, and feels perfectly justified in not inviting OP

Weird.

Even if she does have a good reason she doesn't have to be a nasty bitch about it. She could have said - I'm very sorry but you're not, I know you might find this hurtful but given xyz circumstances I didn't feel it would be appropriate to invite you'

FaithFables · 24/02/2025 18:50

Caribun · 24/02/2025 10:14

It was deliberate. No explanation, just a "No you aren't invited". Feel really quite sad, and hurt.

God, that's harsh! How bitchy of her. I'd send a reply saying, "Well, fuck you too!" But I'm petty like that.

MotionofTime · 24/02/2025 18:52

FaithFables · 24/02/2025 18:50

God, that's harsh! How bitchy of her. I'd send a reply saying, "Well, fuck you too!" But I'm petty like that.

Show quote history

This would be the perfect reply!

OrangeYaGlad · 24/02/2025 18:53

Tiredofallthis101 · 24/02/2025 18:50

Even if she does have a good reason she doesn't have to be a nasty bitch about it. She could have said - I'm very sorry but you're not, I know you might find this hurtful but given xyz circumstances I didn't feel it would be appropriate to invite you'

Show quote history

We don't know the reason. Perhaps she doesn't have to pretend to be sorry, because she's not.

Being honest is not being bitchy. Plus a lot of people would say that it's rude to ask if you're invited to something when you obviously haven't been.

Pickledpeanuts · 24/02/2025 18:53

Ouch. That sounds blunt and unkind. I'd respond with a simple "thanks for clarifying" and leave it at that. That would be the end of swapping messages or chatting a family meeting ups for me though.

I wouldn't pretend to be fine with it, if asked I'd acknowledge that I was hurt by this treatment. Overall I think you need to accept she clearly doesn't feel the same way you did about your relationship and reconsider how you feel about her as a result.

What have your siblings said?

KateShugakIsALegend · 24/02/2025 18:54

Assuming that you have consistently behaved as a rational, but imperfect (as we all are) adult, then her behaviour is dreadful.

What an awful person not to give you any chance of explanation or redemption by not sharing the reason.

So now you know. Fuck her and, frankly, fuck your family who are deciding to go.

You deserve better.

Ritzybitzy · 24/02/2025 18:55

Caribun · 24/02/2025 10:14

It was deliberate. No explanation, just a "No you aren't invited". Feel really quite sad, and hurt.

Something has definitely happened.

FaithFables · 24/02/2025 18:55

OrangeYaGlad · 24/02/2025 18:53

We don't know the reason. Perhaps she doesn't have to pretend to be sorry, because she's not.

Being honest is not being bitchy. Plus a lot of people would say that it's rude to ask if you're invited to something when you obviously haven't been.

Show quote history

But she's not being honest, OP has no clue why she's not invited!

Cantanna · 24/02/2025 18:56

....and just to put the icing on the cake , I hope they all get the runs from some dodgy food at the reception 😋

TunnocksOrDeath · 24/02/2025 19:02

Blimey, if it was my sister not invited, I'd show up purely so I could embarrass the bride during the toasts by mentioning it very pointedly, and have a cab ready and waiting for me to walk straight out into it. What a moo!

Tiredofallthis101 · 24/02/2025 19:09

OrangeYaGlad · 24/02/2025 18:53

We don't know the reason. Perhaps she doesn't have to pretend to be sorry, because she's not.

Being honest is not being bitchy. Plus a lot of people would say that it's rude to ask if you're invited to something when you obviously haven't been.

Show quote history

Well it depends on the reason doesn't it - if it is for numbers and OP is least favourite a sorry should be involved. If the OP murdered bride's previous partner and bride found out then saying sorry clearly wouldn't be appropriate but then she should be saying - you're not invited due to the murder I recently found about and therefore I'm sure you can understand why I wouldn't want you there. Giving a reason is what reasonable people should do.

Rewis · 24/02/2025 19:11

There has to be a backstory or some type of misunderstanding. Since the damage is done there is no worries about confrontation. Just ask why. Also ask your mum to ask your aunt/uncle. This is so weird.

IlooklikeNigella · 24/02/2025 19:13

Omg that is so awful. I'm sorry OP. How many cousins are going and is it definitely all of them? I have about 50 and often for weddings there will be one cousin (either the eldest or closest in age) invited from each family. Could it be something like that?

Really awful to ignore your previous message then send a curt reply like that. What a cow honestly. I know it's her wedding her choice but I would have given an explanation.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 24/02/2025 19:13

DorothyStorm · 23/02/2025 20:35

Maybe she is marrying your ex boyfriend?

Well that’s not nice is it ?

AlwaysOnTheSchoolRun · 24/02/2025 19:17

I'm sorry you're going through this OP, I know exactly how you might be feeling having gone through something very similar, many years ago.

At the time it stung as I was literally the only person not invited including my DH who had to go (long story). I took the 'high road', I booked myself something nice for the day, I let everyone tell me how much of a good time they had and I didn't complain. As time's gone by, I've realised I handled it pretty well and I don't think of it as a negative experience.

The fact is, the bride and groom have control over who is and isn't there at their wedding day and how they treat people. And some people let that go to their heads.

This one day will come and go, and how they treated people will reflect on them, not you. People will see you were not there and will discover why. In the meantime, you have control of how you react, how you prepare for the day and what narrative you share when people ask you about it. Wishing you all the very best, keep everyone updated on how you are.

Pessismistic · 24/02/2025 19:17

Caribun · 24/02/2025 10:14

It was deliberate. No explanation, just a "No you aren't invited". Feel really quite sad, and hurt.

How nasty at least you know and ur dm might have sugar coated it. Yes it hurts especially as she hadn’t had the decency to tell you and you have had to ask. I would try to move on from it maybe go away when it’s happening and if anyone mentions it to between now and then just politely say I’m not interested thanks. I hope your family are on your side what a bitch.

TwoRobins · 24/02/2025 19:19

Netmumnet · 24/02/2025 18:22

I hope it rains on her wedding day x

Solidarity!😂

Reallyneedsaholiday · 24/02/2025 19:19

I think I’d have to ask why, simply because if you were as close as you say you were, there might be a perceived slight somewhere that you are unaware of and could put right. I’d be very hurt as well.

ToWhitToWhoo · 24/02/2025 19:40

OrangeYaGlad · 24/02/2025 18:28

I find it really interesting that everyone assumes the bride is being a total bitch for absolutely no reason, when the far more likely explanation is that she does have a reason, and feels perfectly justified in not inviting OP

Weird.

In which case, she should have stated the reason. If it's important enough to leave the OP out in this way, it's important enough to be open and honest about it, rather than leaving the OP and her immediate family guessing.

CrispieCake · 24/02/2025 19:42

I'd be tempted to reply "Fab thanks, just wanted to check as I've got an ace price on a week in Tenerife that date."

Christine1998 · 24/02/2025 19:55

Caribun · 23/02/2025 20:42

Yes I would, my siblings also have small children and we rarely see each other without the kids in tow, so I'd have gone and left the kids with DH and had some family time.

Show quote history

If your siblings have small children as well, and they have rec’d invites, then surely they wouldn’t have singled just you out. Hope you get to the bottom of it soon. I’d be upset like you too. X

3petitpois · 24/02/2025 19:55

CrispieCake · 24/02/2025 19:42

I'd be tempted to reply "Fab thanks, just wanted to check as I've got an ace price on a week in Tenerife that date."

Brilliant!!!

OrangeYaGlad · 24/02/2025 19:56

ToWhitToWhoo · 24/02/2025 19:40

In which case, she should have stated the reason. If it's important enough to leave the OP out in this way, it's important enough to be open and honest about it, rather than leaving the OP and her immediate family guessing.

Show quote history

What happened to the famous MN "no is a complete sentence"?

MN2025 · 24/02/2025 19:58

Caribun · 23/02/2025 20:33

My cousin is getting married. We used to live next door to each other when we were teenagers and have always been friendly. There's no big family drama, no issues, we don't see each other frequently but text occasionally, and see each other at family gatherings.

Cousin has invited all of our family, and all of her cousins (including all my siblings) to her wedding, but hasn't invited me. I've spoken to my Mum about it who says she thinks it's because we have small children, they aren't having kids at their wedding, and we have no one to look after the kids (my entire family will be at the wedding, DH is an orphan and only child).

Whilst I appreciate that may be the case AIBU to think it would have been nice to receive just a courtesy invitation rather than just being completely ignored? I feel so hurt that it's left me in tears and I can't really think rationally about it.

I haven't asked her directly because I don't do conflict, so I'm just quietly very sad.

OP - I have had this exact same thing happen to me recently and if I'm honest I cut contact after I realised I wasn't invited- whether they are number crunching or not, it would have been polite of them to give you an explanation...

Just move forward with your life with those that add value and plan to do something perhaps with a friend or partner when their big day comes...

Silence speaks louder than words.