Not Invited to Cousin's Wedding

[Caribun]

My cousin is getting married. We used to live next door to each other when we were teenagers and have always been friendly. There's no big family drama, no issues, we don't see each other frequently but text occasionally, and see each other at family gatherings.

Cousin has invited all of our family, and all of her cousins (including all my siblings) to her wedding, but hasn't invited me. I've spoken to my Mum about it who says she thinks it's because we have small children, they aren't having kids at their wedding, and we have no one to look after the kids (my entire family will be at the wedding, DH is an orphan and only child).

Whilst I appreciate that may be the case AIBU to think it would have been nice to receive just a courtesy invitation rather than just being completely ignored? I feel so hurt that it's left me in tears and I can't really think rationally about it.

I haven't asked her directly because I don't do conflict, so I'm just quietly very sad.

That's my first thought, too.

I bet she's jealous of your looks/life in general.

It is sad to be excluded like this- especially if you don't know what offence you are dealing with- and it sounds very primary school from her!

At least a wedding is not that big a thing for most guests. (Much waiting and listening.)

Do spend the wedding gift money on something lovely for you and be out and about on the wedding day. (No baby-sitting!)

Yes to not giving the bride any possible satisfaction from her behaviour - a thumbs up or a polite card (perhaps wishing her the wedding and future she deserves) would be a perfect final contact.

(The card should probably not feature Maleficent arriving univited to a family occasion :) Though the thought of the bride waiting to see the doors thrown open and you arriving -looking stunning in black- could be enjoyed! )

That sounds like something has happened, it's so dismissive

Are you sure you haven't shagged her fiance?

Maybe he's said he would shag you...

Oh this has made me sad for you OP. I'm sorry

That's horrible @Caribun
Why doesn't your Mum and siblings take a stand and support you ?
I wouldn't have my daughter or sister treated like that - I wouldn't be going to the wedding.

That message is rude, what a cow. So sorry op - do something nice instead and avoid her in future. Rise above it, she’ll come to regret it.

And yes, what do your siblings make of it?!

I hate it when people do this sort of thing. Excluding one. It happened to a nephew of mine who had a house with his partner. No ring no bring was the excuse. So 1960s.
He declined to go without her. Just to add there was over 250 guests and bridezilla was a first cousin of his.
Well done him.

In this situation I know my mum and dad (and brother) would be RSVPing to decline their invitations. And if I were the invited one and my child or sibling left out I would bloody decline too.

If I were your mum I wouldn’t go. How awful of her.

I haven't been invited to any of my cousin's weddings - but then again, I didn't invite them to mine either. We've never fallen out, but we never socialised much growing up. However, to just exclude you and invite all your siblings when you had a different relationship is really hurtful. In your case I would say it's nice to be invited and to be given the choice to attend.

Another one here for I wouldn't go if I was your Mum, or sibling. No way. Have more OP. Just seems so spiteful not to even give a reason. I know there is no rules (Bride and Groom's big day, they can do what they like) - but, everyone else except you, without knowing why is really shit behaviour.

What a cow op. I'd definately send them a wedding card wishing them the wedding and future they deserve; petty or pa maybe. Sorry this has happened to you 💐

@EffinMagicFairy I've no idea how I managed to quote you, I'm not being weird! 😅 I can't edit it out either!

Her mum was too wet to even check it hadn't been lost in the post. She certainly won't defend the OP now she knows it's deliberate.

So hurtful. (Almost) the exact same thing happened to me with my cousin. They invited all members of our small-ish family, including other cousins from Australia who we hadn't seen in about ten years. Myself and my brother were the only family members left out. It was a large wedding (over 100). When I got married, I actually changed the date and all arrangements for my wedding specifically so they could attend as it would have felt awful not to have included them.

I knew it was down to spite as they can be like that, so didn't ask for any explanations. My dad (who was invited) declined to go as he felt so uncomfortable about it. It was designed to send us a clear message, and honestly I have to just hope it was all worth it for them.

It's so hurtful to be deliberately left out like that. Being excluded takes you right back to those feelings in the playground.

Gosh that is so mean. I hope your cousin gets the wedding and marriage that they deserve.

OP that is just awful!
If a cousin did that to my sibling - I couldn’t attend.

While I usually tend to be a bit impatient with people who are too ready to take offence about whether they are invited to special occasions/ other people attend their special occasions - n this case, YANBU at all. She has handled this very rudely. If you don't know of any disagreement that you've had with your cousin, could her fiance have taken against you for some reason and be causing trouble? Sorry that you have to deal with such rudeness.

This is shit OP. If you have caused offence or upset in some way its obviously very low key and unintentional or all in bridezillas mind. She is making a point over some minor slight. I wouldn’t want to go now anyway and would just let sleeping dogs lie. I wouldn’t give her or your siblings the satisfaction of knowing this has upset you.

Are your siblings closer in age to your cousin or similar social status to her or somehow closer to your cousin due to shared interests friends etc? Just I know my DSIS is closer in age to our cousins and closer to them than I am. I was the eldest grandchild and they are all closer in age and now similar social standing. It wouldn’t bother me in the least if this happened but then I wasn’t particularly close to my cousins and didn’t invite any of them to our wedding.

Mind you nothing stranger than families.

ouch. well that's going to be very awkward for your entire family going forward!!

As others have said, that's horrible! If I was your mum or sister I would not being going either. It would really stick in my craw.

Well, at least you’ve not got to buy the Mean Girl a present!
have yourself a nice treat with whatever you’d have spent on the wedding.
Your parents and siblings must be finding it all a bit odd too…weddings do just turn some people proper weird, don’t take it to heart.

That's hugely ouchy for you, @Caribun
She could have at least tried to make up an excuse. At least you know where you stand now, I'd disengage and not have much to do with them now.
Family can be very odd and weddings seem to bring out the worst in people.

You are the only person who interpreted it that way. You misunderstood. Move on.