Not Invited to Cousin's Wedding

[Caribun]

My cousin is getting married. We used to live next door to each other when we were teenagers and have always been friendly. There's no big family drama, no issues, we don't see each other frequently but text occasionally, and see each other at family gatherings.

Cousin has invited all of our family, and all of her cousins (including all my siblings) to her wedding, but hasn't invited me. I've spoken to my Mum about it who says she thinks it's because we have small children, they aren't having kids at their wedding, and we have no one to look after the kids (my entire family will be at the wedding, DH is an orphan and only child).

Whilst I appreciate that may be the case AIBU to think it would have been nice to receive just a courtesy invitation rather than just being completely ignored? I feel so hurt that it's left me in tears and I can't really think rationally about it.

I haven't asked her directly because I don't do conflict, so I'm just quietly very sad.

OP, that's so rude and abrupt, and it's so spiteful to invite the entire extended family except you, that you must have done something to really upset her without realising it.

Either that, or she's horrendously jealous of you for some reason.

But I'd think it's the former. I hope you can talk to her about it, because there's every chance that whatever she's upset about has been a big misunderstanding. Maybe someone has been stirring, and told her lies about you or something. I would try to put aside your hurt and anger, and tell her that she means a lot to you, and you would love to see her get married, that you do not know what you've done wrong, and you would like to fix it if possible. If you try to build bridges and you don't get anywhere, at least you'll have tried. And if you get no joy and really don't think you've done anything wrong, I would still send them a card the week of their wedding and get them a small gift, making sure it's from the registry if they have one.

There's nothing else you can do except try to work it out with her and still behave well if she won't communicate with you.

Ouch, that sounds blunt.

If you genuinely have no idea what you've done, it probably has nothing to do with you. Maybe your DH made a pass at one of her bridesmaids years ago, or something???

I understand the hurt and wanting to know why, but think of the money and hassle you save by not having to go.

I'm sorry, that is really rude of her. I am honestly surprised your parents and siblings are entertaining this nonsense and attending. My family wouldn't. It is awful that your mum isn't standing up for you. The bride can have who she wants attend but that doesn't mean your family has to accept the invitation. My cousin certainly would not take priority over my sister's feelings and her being ostracized.

Well that was really rude of your cousin OP, and pretty shortsighted of her in terms of future relations with your side of the family. Assuming your siblings/parents and you have good relationships, I’m not sure what reaction she’s expecting to get from them when they find out. This will tarnish not only her own relationships but also those of your Mum/Aunt/Uncle. It’s all very ugly and unnecessary for the sake of an invitation to a family event.

Aw I'm sorry, that reply must really sting. I was hoping she'd just forgotten or that the invite was in the post.
So, now you know. While bridey hasn't actually done anything wrong in not inviting you, her reply didn't need to be so abrupt. Have a cry about it if it helps and then get on with your life. You don't need people like that.
I will say one other thing - if you were my daughter or sister, there's no way I'd be going to the bloody wedding and we'd be doing something lovely on the day. In fact, why don't you arrange a treat with your own family. Fuck the rest of them, quite frankly.

Ouch! She sounds like an arsehole. It's not the not inviting you, it's the inviting your closest family and not even giving an explanation. Would your Mum be willing to ask why not and say that you (all?!) are very hurt?

Wow that is pretty shitty...and cold! Think I'd just reply with "Oh. Thanks a lot!" And quite frankly that would be the last time I'd speak to them! Sorry but to invite the whole family and not you and to just give that crappy response! Horrible.

I'd even maybe send a message like 'oh just the whole rest of my family... that hurts, why?' to her

Well, that would be the last time I took any interest in that part of my family if someone did that to me.

This.

I'd be more hurt that my close relatives chose to attend anyway.

I’d also be a bit annoyed if my family went given that response. What a cow!

Why not ask your mother to speak to your cousin or your aunt/uncle? Its not unreasonable to want to know why and would exclude potential awkwardness. Ask your mother directly, do not just “hope” she will speak to them, she might have thought you were just having a moan and not realised she had to act! Certainly its the type of thing I would miss if not said explicitly to me

I hope it rains on her wedding day x

So she wants to awkwardly face your whole family (parents, siblings) at this wedding, fully knowing that they're all wondering why you were not invited?? She's using the fact that no one would dare ask on her wedding day to brazen this out. Your mum should ask her pre-wedding - well, you should, but set your mum on the case if you cant!

She must have been waiting for your text. She must have expected you (or one of your family) to ask. So she wasn't caught offguard, frantically typing a quick reply - she purposely sent something with no explanation. Yikes what a life.

I find it really interesting that everyone assumes the bride is being a total bitch for absolutely no reason, when the far more likely explanation is that she does have a reason, and feels perfectly justified in not inviting OP

Weird.

That’s sad. And quite rude and weird of them. I’m sorry

Perfect reply! I was going to say my reply wouldnt be 'oh, why not please' but simply 'ouch'

I think I’d reply with “Ah ok, thanks for clarifying, hope I haven’t upset you in some way, enjoy your big day”

Was your cousin invited to your wedding?

Any chance someone may have blamed you for something & cousin has believed it? Or someone just stirred trouble for you?

I wouldn't say it's that interesting - if the bride had posted her side we'd probably all be on her side eh? It's the way of mumsnet. We can only respond to what's presented to us. Also, a lot of the time, the most obvious answer is the correct one.

Also HIGHLY unlikely someone can do something so bad to be snubbed in this way, without having a single inkling of anything ever happening.

You must be aware of the reason why you're not invited surely? Something must have happened for this to be the case.

I would be delighted never to attend another wedding! My husband didn't accompany me to the weddings of my cousins (four of them) and I thought they would be delighted not to spend on his dinner etc - we declined his invitation and said I would come alone from the day of receiving the invitation. He wouldn't know them in the street and it would have been pressure for me to entertain him rather than catch up with family. Found out years later they were offended so I wish I hadn't gone either!

How utterly hurtful and cold. I really hope your parents are not going now because I know I’d have a real issue with my family if this happened to me.

Everyone’s got one cunty cousin! Sorry op, I’ve had similar before.
Book yourself a beautiful spa day and post loads of pictures of it- bet most of your relatives will wish they were doing that instead. I’d hope your mum wouldn’t go either given the circs

If you do reply I'd say she deserves a breezy 'OK, thanks for confirming that you are a nasty twat ' then block her.