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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell you about my night out with Dh. I'm fuming.

204 replies

poonarmme · 23/02/2025 00:10

I've been ill for 3 weeks in hospital. Home and able to go out out. The night went like this:
We went to a bar with music. I made a throw away joke/comment. Dh got the arse about it and spent 1.5 hours going on about it. Saying he needed space. And that i clearly have issues with him and that i need to say what these are. I said there are no issues. He said I'm a liar. He then preceeded to say I was drunk and he knew what was coming next, as its always what I say when drunk, and he was totally fed up over what I was allegedly about to say. I was gobsmacked. Apparently I always harp on about the same thing when drunk and i always say "I know all about you but I'm not prepared to say what it is I know". I don't say this and never have done in 20 years together. He clearly thinks differently
We then went into a different bar, a cab drive away. They had a live band. I was dancing. He said "are you really that naive I just want to punch him" I was like "what you talking about" he said "your so naive just f off and dance". Lots of other other similar comments like this from him through out the eve. We then left and started walking.
He said he wanted food on the way home and said "we will get a home delivery". I said do you mean a delivery at home ( we were almost at the food shop) he said "are you completely stupid why would we do that when we're at the food shop". He was v drunk but denied this.
I just feel like he has treated me like shit all night

OP posts:
Original poster
poonarmme · 23/02/2025 00:11

We are home now but I don't want to get in bed with him as I feel he has spoken to be like shit all night. He's in bed drunk

OP posts:
CountryMumof4 · 23/02/2025 00:13

What was the throwaway joke/comment?

mbosnz · 23/02/2025 00:14

I wouldn't want to get in bed with him either. He has spoken to you like shit all night. Will he remember his behaviour tomorrow morning, or accept what you tell him of it?

sprigatito · 23/02/2025 00:14

Well, he sounds absolutely foul. If I'm honest he sounds like the sort of twat I'd have dumped after an hour when I was in my teens...how and why have you put up with him for 20 years?!

DelphiniumBlue · 23/02/2025 00:15

He sounds very unpleasant.
I’d sleep elsewhere and then in the morning think seriously about whether to continue the relationship.
Are you safe?

Cloudyvibes · 23/02/2025 00:16

Does sound like he has behaved like a twat but I am wondering what your throw away joke/comment was that seems to have put him in a mood/upset him to begin with?

beencaughttrollin · 23/02/2025 00:17

He sounds like an arsehole, but I think maybe it would be easier to work all of this out if you could have a conversation with him when neither of you is drunk.

TeenLifeMum · 23/02/2025 00:17

It really depends what your comment was. The home delivery correction was an irritating thing to say so were you deliberately spoiling for a fight?

LoveWine123 · 23/02/2025 00:18

What did you say to him?

Ponoka7 · 23/02/2025 00:18

As said, it depends on the throw away comment. The rest sounds like drunken nonsense. You seem to want drama, go to bed, or set yourself up on the sofa.

ShamrockShenanigans · 23/02/2025 00:19

I think you both need to lay off the booze to be honest.

justasking111 · 23/02/2025 00:19

beencaughttrollin · 23/02/2025 00:17

He sounds like an arsehole, but I think maybe it would be easier to work all of this out if you could have a conversation with him when neither of you is drunk.

This. Both lay off the booze. Go for a meal rather than busy nights out.

Original poster
poonarmme · 23/02/2025 00:21

The throw away away comment was this: I said to dh that my mates always joke what is the oldest you would date now if single. We are all early 50s inc DH. I said 60. Dh said 25. I said we all know why you said that and laughed. I said this because we were watching a you tube video together the other night and it was a 25 yo you tuber and I joked he fancied her.

OP posts:
2025ohdear · 23/02/2025 00:21

Going out boozing after being so ill isn't wise. Sounds like you both got plastered and picked fights all night.

LilacLilias · 23/02/2025 00:22

Yep agree with pp. This sounds like it was probably all about nothing and just the booze talking.

Sorry you were unwell for 3 weeks and in hospital, that sounds stressful and you were probably hoping to have some fun.

This does not sound like fun though so I would steer clear of the beers next time.

Original poster
poonarmme · 23/02/2025 00:22

I am not drunk. Dh fell over drunk.

OP posts:
TuesdayQ · 23/02/2025 00:23

poonarmme · 23/02/2025 00:10

I've been ill for 3 weeks in hospital. Home and able to go out out. The night went like this:
We went to a bar with music. I made a throw away joke/comment. Dh got the arse about it and spent 1.5 hours going on about it. Saying he needed space. And that i clearly have issues with him and that i need to say what these are. I said there are no issues. He said I'm a liar. He then preceeded to say I was drunk and he knew what was coming next, as its always what I say when drunk, and he was totally fed up over what I was allegedly about to say. I was gobsmacked. Apparently I always harp on about the same thing when drunk and i always say "I know all about you but I'm not prepared to say what it is I know". I don't say this and never have done in 20 years together. He clearly thinks differently
We then went into a different bar, a cab drive away. They had a live band. I was dancing. He said "are you really that naive I just want to punch him" I was like "what you talking about" he said "your so naive just f off and dance". Lots of other other similar comments like this from him through out the eve. We then left and started walking.
He said he wanted food on the way home and said "we will get a home delivery". I said do you mean a delivery at home ( we were almost at the food shop) he said "are you completely stupid why would we do that when we're at the food shop". He was v drunk but denied this.
I just feel like he has treated me like shit all night

Could he have taken your throw away comment to be a subtle way to joke about him 'liking' children? To be honest, that's kind of how I read it and would explain his reaction?

LoveWine123 · 23/02/2025 00:23

To be honest you both sound a bit immature and drunk.

2025ohdear · 23/02/2025 00:24

poonarmme · 23/02/2025 00:22

I am not drunk. Dh fell over drunk.

Hmmm

LilacLilias · 23/02/2025 00:25

poonarmme · 23/02/2025 00:21

The throw away away comment was this: I said to dh that my mates always joke what is the oldest you would date now if single. We are all early 50s inc DH. I said 60. Dh said 25. I said we all know why you said that and laughed. I said this because we were watching a you tube video together the other night and it was a 25 yo you tuber and I joked he fancied her.

I don't think that chats about who you would date if single usually end well. Doesn't excuse the general drunken nonsense from DH of course.

ludicrouslycapaciousbags · 23/02/2025 00:25

You have been in hospital 3 weeks then out tonight drinking

CountryMumof4 · 23/02/2025 00:28

Tbh, I think you both just need to sleep it off. Things have been said that aren't great. If your relationship is otherwise fine, I'd regroup in the morning and just see how things are then. Getting hammered after 3 weeks in hospital isn't wise, and it sounds like he's made some pretty annoying comments... But from what you've said the blame is potentially pretty even.

friendlycat · 23/02/2025 00:28

I’m gobsmacked you’re both in your 50s and behaving like this.

Original poster
poonarmme · 23/02/2025 00:30

Throughout the night I was fiddling with my necklace. I do this out of habit. Dh questioned why i was doing this. Note to self don't touch necklace.
Im Fuming that he was pissed off with me over what I was apparently about to say and allegedly always say when drunk! He said i said it last night too. I asked him what I said last night. He could not answer this. This is Because I said nothing of the sort.
My response re food was genuine. He did "get home delivery" and I confirmed what I thought he meant.
He's in bed sprawled out drunk. I'm on the sofa

OP posts:
2025ohdear · 23/02/2025 00:32

Then leave him if it's that bad. What do you expect people on here to say?