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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell you about my night out with Dh. I'm fuming.

204 replies

poonarmme · 23/02/2025 00:10

I've been ill for 3 weeks in hospital. Home and able to go out out. The night went like this:
We went to a bar with music. I made a throw away joke/comment. Dh got the arse about it and spent 1.5 hours going on about it. Saying he needed space. And that i clearly have issues with him and that i need to say what these are. I said there are no issues. He said I'm a liar. He then preceeded to say I was drunk and he knew what was coming next, as its always what I say when drunk, and he was totally fed up over what I was allegedly about to say. I was gobsmacked. Apparently I always harp on about the same thing when drunk and i always say "I know all about you but I'm not prepared to say what it is I know". I don't say this and never have done in 20 years together. He clearly thinks differently
We then went into a different bar, a cab drive away. They had a live band. I was dancing. He said "are you really that naive I just want to punch him" I was like "what you talking about" he said "your so naive just f off and dance". Lots of other other similar comments like this from him through out the eve. We then left and started walking.
He said he wanted food on the way home and said "we will get a home delivery". I said do you mean a delivery at home ( we were almost at the food shop) he said "are you completely stupid why would we do that when we're at the food shop". He was v drunk but denied this.
I just feel like he has treated me like shit all night

OP posts:
Original poster
poonarmme · 23/02/2025 01:23

@JudgeBread it seems you're never too old for your dh to talk to you like shit all night. Wasn't my choice he did that

OP posts:
Fraaances · 23/02/2025 01:24

I’m sorry but lashing out like he has with all that unreasonable anger sounds like he’s cheating or wants to cheat. He is very much acting like he’s been living “The Script.” I’d be getting my things in order to see a solicitor. I couldn’t live with that kind of disdain.

Confusedandscare · 23/02/2025 01:25

You guys need to not drink together if your relationship is to survive. You make bad drinking partners

BobbyBiscuits · 23/02/2025 01:26

It sounds like you both just need to sleep it off and start the day afresh. If this is not usually how your nights out tend to go? If he acts in the way you describe them it sounds very one sided. But it's difficult to know how much his comments on your behaviour when drunk have an element of truth, and vice versa.

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 23/02/2025 01:26

Declaring you are better off dead to a minor argument is what a stroppy teenager does, not an apparently sober middle aged woman

You are doing the online equivalent, overall, of the drunk woman in the toilet going "but why doesn't he LIKE me?" whilst throwing up and having her friends hold her hair and hand her tissues...

JudgeBread · 23/02/2025 01:30

poonarmme · 23/02/2025 01:23

@JudgeBread it seems you're never too old for your dh to talk to you like shit all night. Wasn't my choice he did that

It's your choice to be acting like a teenager when you're 50 years of age, woman you're grown. If you're in an unhappy relationship, leave, none of this "I'd be better off dead" 14 year old drama nonsense.

INeedAnotherName · 23/02/2025 01:39

poonarmme · 23/02/2025 01:13

I now know what dh really thinks of me. He's often said I say things when I really mean x and why don't i just say x as that's what I mean/want. That has never been true. Ever. Now this.
I adore dh. But it seems I'm misinterpreted in every saying and action.
I would be better off dead then I can't be misinterpreted or understood or annoying or sat the wrong thing ever again
No I'm not drunk.

Go to bed and sleep this off. Tomorrow when you are both sober you need to have a proper talk.

Only then can you decide what to do.

TribeofFfive · 23/02/2025 01:51

Sorry OP but I can’t believe you’re both early 50s. This would be embarrassing enough at 19/20.

MJconfessions · 23/02/2025 01:55

What do you want people to say though?

realistically it doesn’t sound like a good marriage. He sounds like he was wanting to pick a fight and had issues with everything. Ultimately when people are in that situation they tend to contempt divorce or counselling to prevent a divorce. So it’s a question of what are you prepared to accept and what your boundaries are? Because realistically if this is it for the rest of your life, I’d leave him. But if this was a one off and he profusely apologises and it never happens again, maybe there’s hope for the relationship. Though from what you have said, this seems to be a common occurrence

PandaTime · 23/02/2025 02:05

Dh said 25. I said we all know why you said that and laughed.

He's often said I say things when I really mean x and why don't i just say x as that's what I mean/want. That has never been true. Ever. Now this.

I think this might be his drunken way of saying he thinks you think he is a pervert and that your jokes are your passive-aggressive way of implying that. Sounds like he thinks you have a habit of hinting at things but never outright saying them.

BlondiePortz · 23/02/2025 02:09

I know he is a man so should put up with anything you decide to do to him but not buying this, it all seems very immature to be perfectly honest

TequilaNights · 23/02/2025 02:22

Honestly, just get to bed and try to have a good sleep, have a talk in the morning, sitting up stewing will not help

Sooverwork · 23/02/2025 02:23

You both sound like pissed 17 year olds. I just also find it weird that after being in hospital for 3 weeks you choose a boozy night out at pubs / music venues.

Garlicworth · 23/02/2025 03:00

Only a few PPs have said it, so I'm going to say it as well. You husband sounds horrific. Nightmarish. Weird. You're saying it's not the first time he's acted like this, just maybe more of it at once so you've had to take notice. I agree that people show who they really are when they're drunk.

Fair enough, talk it over once you've both sobered up, caught up on your sleep, etc. Will he just bullshit you again, say none of this ever happened and/or you were off your face?

LovelyLeitrim · 23/02/2025 03:11

Sore heads all round when you wake up, I think!

TourangaLeila · 23/02/2025 03:28

You clearly, both have a problem with alcohol.

That's the immediate issue to be addressed here.

The rest can come later.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 23/02/2025 03:35

This sounds like the drink arguments I used for I have with my boyfriend on nights out when I was was 19!!

it’s so toxic !

you are a proper grown up now op - get a pillow and a blanket and sleep elsewhere tonight! Re visit it in the morning when you are sober - it always seems worse the night off

Talk to him sober ! It does
slimd like he’s being a right dick -
bur you won’t get to the bottom of it tonight

Topseyt123 · 23/02/2025 03:41

This all sounds extremely incoherent. Very immature and school playground behaviour from both of you.

User860131 · 23/02/2025 04:09

It sounds like you both need to seriously grow up and find something else to do other than getting stupidly drunk. If you act like 2 19 year olds going out on the lash then you're going to have the relationship of.... 2 19 year olds out on the lash.

HelmholtzWatson · 23/02/2025 04:35

You both sound like arseholes.

daisychain01 · 23/02/2025 05:41

poonarmme · 23/02/2025 01:13

I now know what dh really thinks of me. He's often said I say things when I really mean x and why don't i just say x as that's what I mean/want. That has never been true. Ever. Now this.
I adore dh. But it seems I'm misinterpreted in every saying and action.
I would be better off dead then I can't be misinterpreted or understood or annoying or sat the wrong thing ever again
No I'm not drunk.

OP I think you need counselling. Your emotions are all over the place.

One minute you're describing what sounds like an incredibly confrontational situation with your DH, then you say you "adore" him. It isn't consistent, it's like you're on a rollercoaster.

your relationship with your DH sounds toxic, neither of you bring out the best in each other. It is probably alcohol fuelled, which is concerning if you both drink heavily on a regular basis,

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 23/02/2025 05:42
Vine Wtf GIF

Y’all are in your 50’s?

OldChairMan · 23/02/2025 05:51

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 23/02/2025 00:45

You're both in your 50s?
Shit I expected younger

Considering that on MN a 50 year old man wanting a 25 year old is one step above a peado, I can see why he took it badly

Are you 100% sure you don't say things when drunk?

Maybe he saw a bloke letching over you whilst you danced whom you ignored but he felt jealous of?

May be he's just a nightmare to be around and you don't need to make up little stories in an attempt to justify his behaviour.

MumCanIHaveASnackPlease · 23/02/2025 06:03

Wtf have a I just read. Both of you need to lay off the drink you’re as bad as each other making petty ridiculous comments.

Stop drinking together if you can’t do it sensibly and without getting in to childish arguments.

allyjay · 23/02/2025 06:07

DeepFatFried · 23/02/2025 00:33

So you more or less called him a perve?

And he either reacted in righteous indignation plus sulk, OR was protesting too much..,,

Well he is a bloody perve though if he said he wouldn't date over 25! Urgh a misogynist too. I'd repost this in relationships tbh op you'll get some less shitty, spiteful answers