To tell you about my night out with Dh. I'm fuming.

[poonarmme]

I've been ill for 3 weeks in hospital. Home and able to go out out. The night went like this:
We went to a bar with music. I made a throw away joke/comment. Dh got the arse about it and spent 1.5 hours going on about it. Saying he needed space. And that i clearly have issues with him and that i need to say what these are. I said there are no issues. He said I'm a liar. He then preceeded to say I was drunk and he knew what was coming next, as its always what I say when drunk, and he was totally fed up over what I was allegedly about to say. I was gobsmacked. Apparently I always harp on about the same thing when drunk and i always say "I know all about you but I'm not prepared to say what it is I know". I don't say this and never have done in 20 years together. He clearly thinks differently
We then went into a different bar, a cab drive away. They had a live band. I was dancing. He said "are you really that naive I just want to punch him" I was like "what you talking about" he said "your so naive just f off and dance". Lots of other other similar comments like this from him through out the eve. We then left and started walking.
He said he wanted food on the way home and said "we will get a home delivery". I said do you mean a delivery at home ( we were almost at the food shop) he said "are you completely stupid why would we do that when we're at the food shop". He was v drunk but denied this.
I just feel like he has treated me like shit all night

What's he like when he's sober? My dad acts like this with my mum, making absolutely nonsensical claims and accusations, just being nasty at the flick of a switch, often when he's had a glass of wine (not being obviously drunk though) but often when he's not had a glass of wine, and I'm very convinced he's got dementia.

He didn’t say that though. He admired someone online and then OP jumped the gun with that answer after his throwaway comment.

"Y'all"

You both sound like a pair of silly, drunk teenagers.

In all honesty, if I was in my 50s, and had just got out of hospital after a 3 week stay, my absolute LAST thought would have been to go "out out" drinking and bar hopping.

I would have thought your hospital stay has been stressful for everyone, including your DH. Then you come out and basically accuse of being sexually interested in kids, just out of the blue. Such a bizarre comment to make.

You both sound stupid for your age! You were both drunk. You shouldnt be posting on here drunk either.

You're either drunk or a 15 year old trapped inside a 50-odd year old's body.

But either way, he has no right to treat you like that and it sounds like an incredibly toxic relationship. I hope you've now sobered up and ended the relationship. You deserve more!

I wonder if the Op will return to her thread once everyone has sobered up ?

I'm not feeling an urge to reassure you that DH is the problem, OP. It sounds as if you were both drunk and sniping at each other and that this is a pattern and each has no respect for the other's point of view. If you want to improve things then couples counselling may help you understand what is going on. If he's abusive then you need other leave, but it may be more complicated than that.

Booze and bickering!

Give up drinking and have a meal in a restaurant to reconnect and have a more civilised relationship.

If alcohol makes you both behave in such a dreadful manner it has absolutely no place in your lives. None.

An alcoholic.

This🙄
Also, get him to record the thing you always say for proof next time.

I would be better off dead then I can't be misinterpreted or understood or annoying or sat the wrong thing ever again You’re in your fifties and you’re talking like you’re a particularly immature 14 year old. Better off dead because you and your DH can’t handle your drink? Fucking grow up and stop being so melodramatic.

No I'm not drunk If this is how you act when you’re sober, I’d hate to see you when you’re drunk.

Your DH sounds like a nasty drunk. Why would you choose to go out drinking if he gets like this each time? Are either of you capable of stopping at a certain point? Or does it always have to descend into this sort of drama? Because at some point, you have to ask yourselves whether alcohol is really for you.

That's really not true. Couples who have arguments don't change how they argue as they 'apparently' grow up.
And it is horrible to say that a 50 year old fancying a 25 year old is almost a pedophile, that is totally ridiculous.

Stunned you are 50s not teenagers.
Probably be better if neither of you drank

He is a nasty gaslighting prick. It’s clear he has contempt for you. You don’t come across especially well but neither does your H

Get a divorce. You’ll both benefit.

OP sorry you had a bad night but to leap to saying you’d be better off dead is some jump. Your post comes across that you are right he is wrong. He may have a point with some of what he says and sounds like he had a lousy night too. His feelings and perceptions matter too. Not condoning his conduct just it would royally P me off too if every time had an off day with DH he pulled the I’d be better off dead card. It’s draining and manipulative.

Learn how to behave like an adult, rather than a teenager. You also don't seem to like each other very much. I'm not sure what either of you gets from being together.

Don't listen to the MN crowd of "a man is involved so he is clearly in the wrong and the problem"

You are both definitely have a problem

Yes it's the question many women don't want the real answer too. And my dh wouldn't want to hear who I would quite fancy a night with either! But their consumption of alcohol has spoilt the night as both seem to be unable to behave nicely towards each other.
If I had sniped that at my dh at the start of the evening he wouldn't have enjoyed the night . I'm not sticking up for DH here but surely OP knows what buttons she's pressing.
I've never liked T'Pau since exhusband announced he fancied Carol Decker 29 years ago. Some things should just be left off the table!

Dang, girl, your poor liver.

Oh dear OP, you made the mistake of telling mumsnet you were out for a drink.
Sorry but you may not proceed beyond that.

I vote no 😂

Probably back down the pub for the afternoon already.

This. A three week hospitalisation must have been related to something serious. I can’t imagine going out on the sauce after that . Sounds so rough