To tell you about my night out with Dh. I'm fuming.

[poonarmme]

I've been ill for 3 weeks in hospital. Home and able to go out out. The night went like this:
We went to a bar with music. I made a throw away joke/comment. Dh got the arse about it and spent 1.5 hours going on about it. Saying he needed space. And that i clearly have issues with him and that i need to say what these are. I said there are no issues. He said I'm a liar. He then preceeded to say I was drunk and he knew what was coming next, as its always what I say when drunk, and he was totally fed up over what I was allegedly about to say. I was gobsmacked. Apparently I always harp on about the same thing when drunk and i always say "I know all about you but I'm not prepared to say what it is I know". I don't say this and never have done in 20 years together. He clearly thinks differently
We then went into a different bar, a cab drive away. They had a live band. I was dancing. He said "are you really that naive I just want to punch him" I was like "what you talking about" he said "your so naive just f off and dance". Lots of other other similar comments like this from him through out the eve. We then left and started walking.
He said he wanted food on the way home and said "we will get a home delivery". I said do you mean a delivery at home ( we were almost at the food shop) he said "are you completely stupid why would we do that when we're at the food shop". He was v drunk but denied this.
I just feel like he has treated me like shit all night

OP I hope you're feeling ok this morning. By the sounds of it you both had too much to drink and maybe were just annoying each other. Most of us will have been there. I'd lay off it for a while, especially as you've been in hospital for 3 weeks.

You sound as if you’re both behaving like teenagers instead of adult 50 year olds.
Maybe it’s time you both grow up and cut down on the drinking.
It all sounds quite pathetic ‘ he said this, she said that,’ that’s what kids do in the playground.

Hope you've woken up sober from not being drunk yesterday...

And, as PP have said, are you the drunk sitting in the cold? Because it does sound similar...

After an hour and a half of him being horrible to you, why go by taxi to another venue together to continue the drinking and arguing?

Your comment you saw as throwaway clearly touched a nerve, so maybe discuss that when he's calmed down and not drunk.

And you mentioned he was worked up when you were dancing, again, why? Was you dancing sexily, by another man, what?

And the food delivery, he probably felt you were picking fault again.

I'm not saying his behaviour was right, but I think you need to sit down and etsbkish why now.

He sounds like a prize wanker. Get rid.

Bearing in mind we are only hearing one side of the story, I've a feeling you are both acting like kids. Your initial throw away comment could, indeed, have been inflammatory depending on how it was taken.

Possibly 6 of one and half dozen of the other as my Mum would have said. Not sure either of you bring out the best in the other!

Honestly, @poonarmme, as this is the level of many of the responses, report your OP to MN and ask for this to moved to Relationships. Better still, start a new thread there once you’ve had a chance to take stock.

I am willing to bet your problems are not about last night and your comment. This is an ongoing problem of lack of love and support for each other with poor communication thrown in. The best thing I think is for you to gather your self respect and make plans to leave. It sounds like you'd be happier.

"The Internet has made people too comfortable to say what they want without getting a punch 👊 in the face"....

Great Mike Tyson quote which is definitely relevant to your rude rude comment...

At that age? Jeez

OP I don't know why you were in hospital for 3 weeks and you're not obliged to tell us but going out drinking might not have been the best option if you still need to recover.

That aside, the rest of this sounds like 14-18 year old everywhere when I was growing up: he being belligerent and drunk, making accusations and you overreacting by saying you'd be better off dead. You're both adults, but neither of you are behaving like adults.
If he's like this all the time and you are accepting it, then nothing will change. Maybe one of you needs to leave.

In hospital for 3 weeks then out clubbing? I mean, I’m your age, OP, all respect to you! I did 2 weeks in hospital 10 years ago and I was knackered for months afterwards, the multiple GAs knocked me out.

How are you feeling today, OP?

I think you perhaps were more drunk than you thought?

Honestly, I was surprised reading your OP that after the first argument, you both continued on to another bar/club. Clearly there was a tension, you should have gone home!

Don’t drink together, it sounds more hassle than it’s worth.

Leave him on his back !!!

What did you say to him?

Are you minimising it because you know it was something that would be bound to upset him?

And if so was it on purpose?

Were you indeed pissed (after three weeks in hospital)?

Do you have form for saying things while pissed?

Or ...

Is he always like this and even tho you've been in hospital for three weeks he still makes it all about him?

I can't believe you are both early 50s and bothering with a relationship like this. He sounds like a dick but it also sounds like you were both drunk. I could not waste my time on this "man"; he watches young women on youtube videos and would only date 25 year old and wanted to punch somebody you were dancing with. Just dump him.

You sound like the couple in their 50s who used to live across the road to me.

Every Friday/Saturday night the taxi would pull up around midnight and you could literally hear the muffled drunken argument, before they'd even opened the car door 🤦‍♀️

Of course it was always 'the other one' who was drunk 🙄

The row would then continue when they got indoors for at least another hour or two, until they (presumably) passed out or went to bed.

Thank God they moved out last November, giving the whole street the most peaceful Christmas we've had for years.

Quite..

You both sound as bad as each other to be honest.

If I'm honest, I don't understand your post very well. It sounds very garbled. He sounds like a prick, and you sound like a bit of a drama queen. Leave him immediately if you feel at all unsafe, follow your gut instinct on that one. Other than that it is really hard to comment.

You're sad for him? I'm sad for you.

What a waste of your life to spend it tiptoeing around an emotionally immature and abusive drunk.

Surely you recognise that life is short, especially after a 3 week stint in a hospital?

He sounds abusive OP.

Please, please ignore the people on here minimising his behaviour or trying to say you have a problem. Fuck knows what it is about Mumsnet that attracts so many people who love to have a go at the OP or who seem to think men can do no wrong, but honestly it's not you it's him (and them).

It's very clear from your posts that he's got a really nasty streak and is directing it at you.

Having a go at your for dancing for example. This is controlling arsehole behaviour.

I'd seriously be considering leaving. No one should be treated like that.

What's he like when he's sober?

You're drunk. He's drunk.
You think it's ok to go out drinking after discharge. He thinks that's fine too.
You like posing silly questions to him. He likes giving you silly answers.
You like to fight over a takeaway. he likes to fight over a takeaway.
You're immature. He's immature.

You're perfectly well suited and by being together, you protect an innocent from taking up with either one of you.

You shouldn't leave him. He shouldn't leave you. You're a match.

If this isn’t a pattern of behaviour, or rare, then I’d maybe put it down to readjusting after your time apart. But if it is then this isn’t a loving relationship and you have lost sight of what good looks like.