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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery staffs older children playing with my 14 month old

207 replies

CalmPanda · 19/02/2025 21:56

My daughters (14m) been going to a nursery full time for a few months now. She's come on leaps and bounds and really enjoys it there. There's just one thing that's really bugging me and I'm not sure whether I'm worried for nothing.

All the nursery staff have children that either go to the nursery or the primary school next door. For weeks now the nursery staff have been telling us 'funny stories' of how obsessed one of the workers sons is with our daughter. How much he loves playing with her and comes into the baby room to feed her her breakfast before he goes to school. He's 7. His mum works in the room so watches all the time, but it just feels weird that a significantly older child gets to be around my daughter and I have no idea who it is, what he's like and what they do together.

All the staff paint a picture that it's so funny/cute and that my daughter loves it. But I can't help but feel like this shouldn't be something happening at a private nursery. AIBU?

OP posts:
Itsme3167 · 19/02/2025 21:59

My GOD!!!!!! Things are just getting out of hand now!!!! He’s an innocent child helping another innocent child!!!!!

littleluncheon · 19/02/2025 21:59

You do know who he is, he is the staff member's little boy?
What do you think is going to happen?

cadburyegg · 19/02/2025 22:00

Oh ffs. I realise to you a 7 year old seems MASSIVE but he's just a little boy.

LavenderFields7 · 19/02/2025 22:02

This is so sad that you would see it as anything else but lovely. I hate how suspicious everyone is nowadays,..he’s 7 for christs sake.

Snoopdoggydog123 · 19/02/2025 22:03

Do you have a disturbing back story?

BreakfastClubBlues · 19/02/2025 22:03

What about this worries you exactly? It's a little boy playing with your toddler.

ClearFruit · 19/02/2025 22:05

Jesus Christ....

paranoiaofpufflings · 19/02/2025 22:06

In contrast with the first few replies, this would bother me too. It's not an issue with the 7-yr old boy.
My issues would be that if my baby was being cared for in the baby room I would expect her to be in an age appropriate peer group, ie, only with other babies, not with older children; and also that the nursery will have a staff to child ratio and I'm assuming the staff's primary age children are not included in the nursery numbers and are therefore an extra distraction to the staff.
If you are paying for a specific level of care I would expect to receive that.
In short, you are not paying nursery fees to have your baby fed and entertained by a 7 yr old child.

NoseyFarkers · 19/02/2025 22:07

it just feels weird that a significantly older child gets to be around my daughter and I have no idea who it is, what he's like and what they do together

Just wait until school. Over the two different primary schools my dc attended, in both it was common for the nursery and reception groups to mix with the Y5's and 6's - for help with reading and the older ones being playground monitors and whatnot.

If he was 17 you'd have a point. 7...no. YABU.

discdiscsnap · 19/02/2025 22:07

Whilst I can't see the issue of a 7 year old wanting to play with a toddler I do feel the room age groups and ratios should be adhered to. My concerns would be an older child accidentally hurting a younger one or bringing small toys or food in.

pizzaHeart · 19/02/2025 22:08

I agree with you OP , I wouldn’t like 7 y.o coming and feeding my 14 months old. WtF? There are health and safety rules. It doesn’t mean that your baby shouldn’t interact with older children but there is time and place for this.

BendingSpoons · 19/02/2025 22:09

I remember when my eldest was a baby/toddler, older kids seemed huge and not 'cute'. Now I have a 6yo and 8yo I realise they are still small children, although are very sweet when looking after their younger cousins. It is meant to be good for children to interact with different ages, so as long as your DD likes it, it is probably a positive experience for her.

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 19/02/2025 22:09

If it was a 7 year old girl would you feel the same?

It's this kind of shit that means boys are put off going into caring professions.

LameBorzoi · 19/02/2025 22:10

Some little boys just love babies and love to help taking care of them. It's good for the baby and nice for the little boy. I think if he was a girl it would be more taken for granted. It's a pity that we discourage little boys from helping and caring roles.

Motomum23 · 19/02/2025 22:11

I think you have the absolute right to tell nursery you do not want a child feeding your baby. The rest YABU.
I'm a childminder so my minded children's parents know I have my own older children in the house and my youngest son who is 9 loves the babies... as in OMG they are so cute I want to play baby games with them. But he is in no way allowed to help feed etc - he totally would if I would let him but that's my job and responsibility.

There's nothing weird or untoward about an older child liking babies, good decent human beings like babies.

Togglebullets · 19/02/2025 22:11

It's a similar set up to a childminder really isn't it? I wouldn't have a problem with it personally as long as you have no concerns about her care.

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 19/02/2025 22:12

paranoiaofpufflings · 19/02/2025 22:06

In contrast with the first few replies, this would bother me too. It's not an issue with the 7-yr old boy.
My issues would be that if my baby was being cared for in the baby room I would expect her to be in an age appropriate peer group, ie, only with other babies, not with older children; and also that the nursery will have a staff to child ratio and I'm assuming the staff's primary age children are not included in the nursery numbers and are therefore an extra distraction to the staff.
If you are paying for a specific level of care I would expect to receive that.
In short, you are not paying nursery fees to have your baby fed and entertained by a 7 yr old child.

This is clearly something that's happening for a few minutes before the boy goes off to school and while his mum is present and watching. They're not leaving him in charge for the day!

Whoarethoseguys · 19/02/2025 22:13

Why are you unhappy about it? Younger children love older children. Children of different ages mixing is a very natural thing. I think it's much better than just having all the little ones segregated.

Hercisback1 · 19/02/2025 22:13

What a lucky child you have, who benefits from interacting with children of different ages. How fortunate that your child can experience a different relationship than with the adults around them, and the similar age children. Your child is exposed to different language, facial expressions, and play.

LameBorzoi · 19/02/2025 22:13

Motomum23 · 19/02/2025 22:11

I think you have the absolute right to tell nursery you do not want a child feeding your baby. The rest YABU.
I'm a childminder so my minded children's parents know I have my own older children in the house and my youngest son who is 9 loves the babies... as in OMG they are so cute I want to play baby games with them. But he is in no way allowed to help feed etc - he totally would if I would let him but that's my job and responsibility.

There's nothing weird or untoward about an older child liking babies, good decent human beings like babies.

It dependson what you mean by "feed". At 14 months, I'm presuming he's not shovelling food into her mouth.

Notgivenuphope · 19/02/2025 22:14

‘That parent’ alert !!!!! 🚨

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/02/2025 22:17

I have no idea who it is, what he's like and what they do together

Well, he's male.

He's 7.

His Mum is a nursery worker.

He likes helping care for her by feeding her breakfast whilst under full supervision.

He probably talks to her and sings songs whilst under full supervision.

He plays with her under full supervision all of the time.

He's probably very sweet and cute and likes babies.

Other than that, what else is there to know? Were you expecting to see his school report and get references from three of his classmates?

somedayforoneday · 19/02/2025 22:19

Thus is just ridiculous.

rainbowsky22 · 19/02/2025 22:20

Oh seriously, give over. People like this are what is wrong with this world, finding bad in everything. Poor boy.

Sahara123 · 19/02/2025 22:21

Oh.Good.Grief. The world’s gone mad…