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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery staffs older children playing with my 14 month old

207 replies

CalmPanda · 19/02/2025 21:56

My daughters (14m) been going to a nursery full time for a few months now. She's come on leaps and bounds and really enjoys it there. There's just one thing that's really bugging me and I'm not sure whether I'm worried for nothing.

All the nursery staff have children that either go to the nursery or the primary school next door. For weeks now the nursery staff have been telling us 'funny stories' of how obsessed one of the workers sons is with our daughter. How much he loves playing with her and comes into the baby room to feed her her breakfast before he goes to school. He's 7. His mum works in the room so watches all the time, but it just feels weird that a significantly older child gets to be around my daughter and I have no idea who it is, what he's like and what they do together.

All the staff paint a picture that it's so funny/cute and that my daughter loves it. But I can't help but feel like this shouldn't be something happening at a private nursery. AIBU?

OP posts:
nadine90 · 20/02/2025 00:11

I can’t see the harm. My kids went to a childminder so were mixed with all ages from baby to 11. They loved mixing with them all and learned so much from their older friends.

godddwhathaveyoudone · 20/02/2025 00:17

There is a nursery next to my DC primary school and once a week a group of kids from year 3 go in and read to the babies and toddlers.

LameBorzoi · 20/02/2025 00:19

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 19/02/2025 23:39

I wouldn't be happy with a child feeding my baby when I'm paying the nursery staff to do it.

He shouldn't be allowed anywhere near your child. I wouldn't be concerned about anything untoward but it's totally inappropriate that the staff are allowing this happen. It's a huge safeguarding issue.

Speak to the nursery manager and get this stopped. If they don't, I'd be moving my child to a different setting.

What do you think might happen? Why would you ruin an excellent experience just because?

AnonAnon64 · 20/02/2025 00:31

Aw this is so sad. I have two sons aged 9 and they love younger kids especially their toddler cousins. They think they’re so cute and they love the responsibility of helping look after other children. They often come home from their childminder saying “little Annie is cute/funny” It’s entirely innocent. I was abused as a child and I’m hyper vigilant. I do understand that this 7 year old probably seems massive compared to your little one. I remember two sisters started at my childminder when my DG was 14 weeks. I remember looking at them and thinking they were grown up compared to. DD.They were only 8 momths and 20. months older than my daughter.

Washinghanginginthesun · 20/02/2025 00:31

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 19/02/2025 22:09

If it was a 7 year old girl would you feel the same?

It's this kind of shit that means boys are put off going into caring professions.

Definitely. Babies are not toys for older children to play with.

Washinghanginginthesun · 20/02/2025 00:35

LameBorzoi · 20/02/2025 00:19

What do you think might happen? Why would you ruin an excellent experience just because?

Show quote history

Bring in a toy that is a choking hazard. Distract staff from caring for the babies. Not recognise if the baby is choking or aspirating the food he is feeding the baby. Inadequate personal hygiene introducing bugs to the baby include eg E. coli, sharing confidential information about the child…

LunaMay · 20/02/2025 00:38

Older children interacting with her is probably a factor in her coming on in leaps and bounds...

TheMixedGirl · 20/02/2025 00:51

paranoiaofpufflings · 19/02/2025 22:06

In contrast with the first few replies, this would bother me too. It's not an issue with the 7-yr old boy.
My issues would be that if my baby was being cared for in the baby room I would expect her to be in an age appropriate peer group, ie, only with other babies, not with older children; and also that the nursery will have a staff to child ratio and I'm assuming the staff's primary age children are not included in the nursery numbers and are therefore an extra distraction to the staff.
If you are paying for a specific level of care I would expect to receive that.
In short, you are not paying nursery fees to have your baby fed and entertained by a 7 yr old child.

I actually think you're wrong here. The 14 month old is experiencing interacting with an older child, and the older child is learning how to care and nurture a younger child. These are such important life skills!
The baby interacting with the older child is IN ADDITION to having peers their own age. Not instead of.
I think your view is really limited and closed.
If the nursery is also licensed for after school care or had a certain amount of children they can care for on the premises up to the age of let's say 8 then they should have all the correct procedures in place. This would also mean they are included in the numbers.
There are certain methods of teaching that encourage older children mixing with younger age groups.

Washinghanginginthesun · 20/02/2025 01:11

TheMixedGirl · 20/02/2025 00:51

I actually think you're wrong here. The 14 month old is experiencing interacting with an older child, and the older child is learning how to care and nurture a younger child. These are such important life skills!
The baby interacting with the older child is IN ADDITION to having peers their own age. Not instead of.
I think your view is really limited and closed.
If the nursery is also licensed for after school care or had a certain amount of children they can care for on the premises up to the age of let's say 8 then they should have all the correct procedures in place. This would also mean they are included in the numbers.
There are certain methods of teaching that encourage older children mixing with younger age groups.

Show quote history

If this is the case then it must be made clear to parents to ensure they are happy to be paying for older children to use their child to learn those life skills, there must be adequate risk assessments in place and additional staffing to ensure the ratio remains one adult to three children - including the primary aged child.

Itsme3167 · 20/02/2025 01:27

The world’s gone mad!!!!!! Ffs!!!!

Comfortablycosy · 20/02/2025 01:37

How much he loves playing with her and comes into the baby room to feed her her breakfast before he goes to school. He's 7

I don’t think he’s coming In specifically to play with your daughter. I think he’s coming in with his mum because otherwise he’d be on the playground on his own and seven is quite young for that.

What time does your nursery open, and what time do you drop off your daughter? I think the problem is that she’s looking after her own child when she’s meant to be looking after your child.

JandamiHash · 20/02/2025 01:39

YABU to imply a 7 YEAR OLD BOY is some sort of predator towards your DD.

JandamiHash · 20/02/2025 01:41

NoseyFarkers · 19/02/2025 22:07

it just feels weird that a significantly older child gets to be around my daughter and I have no idea who it is, what he's like and what they do together

Just wait until school. Over the two different primary schools my dc attended, in both it was common for the nursery and reception groups to mix with the Y5's and 6's - for help with reading and the older ones being playground monitors and whatnot.

If he was 17 you'd have a point. 7...no. YABU.

Wait until her precious princess is in year 1 and taught rude words by the year 5 kids.

steff13 · 20/02/2025 01:43

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 19/02/2025 22:31

No idea why so many people are likening this to a childminder or school situation - OPs DD isn't at a childminder or in school. She's in nursery and there are strict rules around safeguarding, ratios, insurance requirements etc.

It's absolutely NOT appropriate for this little boy to be in that room or to be having contact with the toddlers. Surely PPs would feel differently if a surgeon brought their 7 year old to work and let them have a root around their innards? I mean, he's just a little boy who loves playing with scalpels?

It's a structured and controlled environment and this just shouldn't be happening.

Yes, I think people would feel differently. Because it's a different situation.

JandamiHash · 20/02/2025 01:50

steff13 · 20/02/2025 01:43

Yes, I think people would feel differently. Because it's a different situation.

Show quote history

I can’t believe someone made such an embarrassing comment!

Penguinmouse · 20/02/2025 01:53

JandamiHash · 20/02/2025 01:39

YABU to imply a 7 YEAR OLD BOY is some sort of predator towards your DD.

Please get a grip, at no point did the OP imply that.

I can see the benefit of the toddler interacting with an older children, how lovely for all. But that’s not what OP is paying for, she is paying for professional childcare, not a seven year old to feed her child. Toddler feeding is something that requires supervision - my toddler gagged on a bit of banana today and it was fine because I noticed what happened immediately and sorted it. Lots of posters saying “oh this happens at a childminder/school” - ok well OP doesn’t send her child there, she sends her to nursery where she expects her child to be fed by adult staff and it’s actually fine to want that.

Icepinkeskimo · 20/02/2025 01:58

Take a chill pill. He’s 7 not 17!
It seems that the most innocent events spark outrage and disapproval from some.
Always looking for something disturbing and an unseen threat lingering.
Newsflash! little children do adore babies for the most part.
It’s called social interaction…some of you need to look that up, before you dial social services, or the fuzz.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 20/02/2025 02:00

I do not think there is anything sinister about the young boy, I don't think he should be mingling around the toddler section either or any section that isn't his age group.

I have friends who work in childcare, they cannot bring their children in before school, unless there is a breakfast club for school age children and their child is registered.

Private settings too.

I don't see why this place can bend the rules.

Even if the owner was his mother, it isn't acceptable.

JandamiHash · 20/02/2025 02:09

Penguinmouse · 20/02/2025 01:53

Please get a grip, at no point did the OP imply that.

I can see the benefit of the toddler interacting with an older children, how lovely for all. But that’s not what OP is paying for, she is paying for professional childcare, not a seven year old to feed her child. Toddler feeding is something that requires supervision - my toddler gagged on a bit of banana today and it was fine because I noticed what happened immediately and sorted it. Lots of posters saying “oh this happens at a childminder/school” - ok well OP doesn’t send her child there, she sends her to nursery where she expects her child to be fed by adult staff and it’s actually fine to want that.

Show quote history

Of course she did

I doubt the 7yo is providing actual caring duties 🙄 please get a grip. He’s probably giving her a couple of spoonfuls of yoghurt watched over by his mum and the DD is probably loving it as many toddlers do when older kids pay them attention.

Kids at nursery help other kids with their jackets and hats and gloves. Should that not be allowed because that’s not what OP is paying for?

Tourmalines · 20/02/2025 02:20

Oh give over!! I doubt he’s actually OBSESSED! He’s just a young kid whose mum happens to work there and that’s why he pops in before class . Give him six months he probably won’t give a toss about her .

Penguinmouse · 20/02/2025 02:22

JandamiHash · 20/02/2025 02:09

Of course she did

I doubt the 7yo is providing actual caring duties 🙄 please get a grip. He’s probably giving her a couple of spoonfuls of yoghurt watched over by his mum and the DD is probably loving it as many toddlers do when older kids pay them attention.

Kids at nursery help other kids with their jackets and hats and gloves. Should that not be allowed because that’s not what OP is paying for?

Edited
Show quote history

Show me where she said that. Please quote where the OP said that a seven year old boy is a predator.

TheMixedGirl · 20/02/2025 02:34

TheMixedGirl · 20/02/2025 00:51

I actually think you're wrong here. The 14 month old is experiencing interacting with an older child, and the older child is learning how to care and nurture a younger child. These are such important life skills!
The baby interacting with the older child is IN ADDITION to having peers their own age. Not instead of.
I think your view is really limited and closed.
If the nursery is also licensed for after school care or had a certain amount of children they can care for on the premises up to the age of let's say 8 then they should have all the correct procedures in place. This would also mean they are included in the numbers.
There are certain methods of teaching that encourage older children mixing with younger age groups.

Show quote history

Which is why I said they should have the correct procedures in place. Or did you just not read that bit?

Littlemisscapable · 20/02/2025 06:47

What ? This isn't something to worry about.

Bornnotbourne · 20/02/2025 07:08

My son went to a similar nursery, they were able to retain staff as they provided wrap around care for their own kids. When my son was 2, he became firm friends with the older kids and was included in all their games. Even now he get invited to their parties. Likewise now he’s older he loves spending time with his friend’s little siblings. I’m infertile and could afford anymore children so it’s lovely watching them play together.
I imagine that had a parent complained at my son’s nursery, the owners would have stopped them looking after their own kids and the nursery would shut due to lack of staff.

Londonrach1 · 20/02/2025 07:11

What a lucky child your child is. Having older children around is hugely beneficial to them. Yabu.