Nursery staffs older children playing with my 14 month old

[CalmPanda]

My daughters (14m) been going to a nursery full time for a few months now. She's come on leaps and bounds and really enjoys it there. There's just one thing that's really bugging me and I'm not sure whether I'm worried for nothing.

All the nursery staff have children that either go to the nursery or the primary school next door. For weeks now the nursery staff have been telling us 'funny stories' of how obsessed one of the workers sons is with our daughter. How much he loves playing with her and comes into the baby room to feed her her breakfast before he goes to school. He's 7. His mum works in the room so watches all the time, but it just feels weird that a significantly older child gets to be around my daughter and I have no idea who it is, what he's like and what they do together.

All the staff paint a picture that it's so funny/cute and that my daughter loves it. But I can't help but feel like this shouldn't be something happening at a private nursery. AIBU?

How do we know they don't pay something towards having their child there?
I work in a school but still have to pay when my children go to breakfast or after-school club.

Also if it is a free perk for the staff it probably means that the nursery avoids the high turnover and constant recruitment that costs many nurseries a lot of money. In any case, if this is part of their model then OP's choice is to accept that or move to another nursery. There seems to be a real overestimate from some on this thread of the extent to which a parent can just demand a nursery change what they're doing. Nurseries normally have long waiting lists, especially for the younger ages. They aren't going to change their staff's working and childcare arrangements because OP feels funny about it.

I work in a school but still have to pay when my children go to breakfast or after-school club.
Paying or not, babies, toddlers and breakfast club children are separated.

"and I'm assuming the staff's primary age children are not included in the nursery numbers"
Well that's a big assumption!

A childminder would look after them all together!

Then I guess if the OP is that uncomfortable about it they need to find another nursery.

Their OP explains why the staff would have these older children there, and I agree with the above post that even if the staff aren't paying, it is perhaps a perk of the job and ensured a happy and consistent workforce.

Then I guess if the OP is that uncomfortable about it they need to find another nursery. She should also report them for breaking the rules, the rules enforced to ensure the age appropriate safety of all children attending, they cannot bend safeguarding rules.

Yes but this isn’t a childminder, is it?

What rule do you think prevents caring for children of different ages together? Ofsted don't stipulate the separation that you do here.

The EYFS specifically says babies have to have opportunities to mix with older children.

We don't know that any rules are being broken.
All we know is that one child enjoys helping with the younger children. There is no mention this is unsupervised. There is no knowledge that staff:child ratios are broken.

The nursery my children went to would in the school holidays take children up to the age of 8! I don't think many did this because it was a nursery setting, but a friend did on occassion when she was working and couldn't find an alternative for her eldest (her youngest was at the nursery all year).

I'd be really unhappy about this too.

Not because I think the child is a "predator" or a "paedophile" because that's ridiculous but because things can go wrong when feeding a baby. They can choke as has been mentioned previously.

You have no idea of the amount of supervision the young boy is getting while feeding the baby. And having your own child there would be extremely distracting while trying to focus on your work. I have a six year old and he certainly likes a lot of interaction!

This is not the same as a childminder as the person didn't choose a childminding situation for her child. Also to be honest I wouldn't expect a seven year old child to be feeding my baby in any circumstances.

It's not a case of the baby is getting to interact with an older child. Of course that would be a good thing (providing the child is kind as I know plenty who wouldn't be). It's a case of the young babies needs being taken care of by a child. I can't believe that this is allowed. I'd check with ofstead and probably remove my child to be honest.

Hardly a freebie when she is paying towards the cost of staff required for him to be there.

Well that's hilarious! Of course he isn't in ratios! Even adult play workers aren't included in ratios. You have to have a level 2 in childcare for ratios.

God help you when she starts school.🙄

Ratios as in staff:child, him being a child.

Some people I think believe the staff are sneaking their school aged children into the nursery and that these children aren't included in the numbers for correct level of supervision.

Though reading some comments people also seem to believe the boy is a sexual predator 🤷

What an awful,sad sad attitude.
I'm a childminder with a range of ages. The older ones live helping put with the little ones and I think it's very beneficial all round ( because I'm not a nutter)

This. I can’t believe posters telling her to report the setting 🤦‍♀️

So are you suggesting that the nursery employs an additional member of staff in the baby room for a couple of hours before school every day or that they maintain a space in that room that could be taken by a baby specifically to accommodate a seven year old?

Ratios don't work as you think they do. They're across the setting, not per room, and one 7 year old will barely impact. If he would put the setting out of ratio then they are operating right on the edge anyway. https://earlyyears.blog.gov.uk/2023/04/20/how-staff-to-child-ratios-work/

I don't work in a nursery so don't know how ratios work exactly so I wouldn't like to say.
Considering the OP says the nursery is next door to the school and all staff do this, I would assume the nursery manager has done the numbers and made sure it works.

We also don't know how long the 7 yr old goes in with the babies. It might have just been meant as a nice comment to the OP and the boy literally pops in for a few mins (within the ratios) then goes off again.

There really is a lot we don't known unless the OP asks the nursery and then reports back on what they said.
She could ask about their policy on the school aged children and whether they are in a separate room. She could ask about what they mean by staff having their children to help. She could ask to see their staff:child ratio for this time of day.

I would be worried that a nursery allowing this would be pretty lax in other areas too. I'm going to be charitable here and agree that it's OK to have the staff's kids in for a while to play with the kids. But this boy only wants to play with this one child? He presumably makes a bee line for her the minute she arrives and plays with her until he leaves. So, how is this for the little girl? Does she want to be played with like this? Nurseries are child led. Nursery staff have to do things like set up an activity and then see who wants to take part. They don't take a child off to play. And it sounds to me like this kid is the one who sets the agenda here.

And if it's so good for the nursery kids to have him around, then why isn't he playing with a range of kids? Why aren't staff directing him to play with someone else some times?

To me this sounds like a lax nursery which is putting a staff member's kid's needs first.

I am looking at this from the fact that it is a nursery setting, rather than a childminder in their own home, which is a totally different setting. I did used to work in a nursery many moons ago.

There are two aspects which I think are unreasonable. Firstly, is that whatever is going on here doesn’t seem to have been fully explained to you. If there is some kind of formal policy in place then you ought to have been made aware of it when you registered. If there isn’t a formal policy then it shouldn’t really be happening at all.
Secondly, a child, feeding your child (in a professional childcare setting) is quite inappropriate and potentially unsafe.

The situation that the other child is a boy feels irrelevant really. There is nothing to say that he isn’t an absolutely lovely child and the interaction and contact could be a welcome addition to your daughter’s life. People often use language like ‘obsessed by’ to overly dramatise something. He may just really like her and enjoy the interaction.

Yanbu this shouldn’t be happening in a daycare centre. I’d say to have a word to discuss your concerns. See what they say. If it’s not possible for you to have a word then reach out to the official regulatory administration so that they can look into the matter. It might be just making it like a family setting but if anything goes wrong the daycare would be at fault. What do the daycare official guidelines say? I’m thinking health and safety, trained staff.

This.