Nursery staffs older children playing with my 14 month old

[CalmPanda]

My daughters (14m) been going to a nursery full time for a few months now. She's come on leaps and bounds and really enjoys it there. There's just one thing that's really bugging me and I'm not sure whether I'm worried for nothing.

All the nursery staff have children that either go to the nursery or the primary school next door. For weeks now the nursery staff have been telling us 'funny stories' of how obsessed one of the workers sons is with our daughter. How much he loves playing with her and comes into the baby room to feed her her breakfast before he goes to school. He's 7. His mum works in the room so watches all the time, but it just feels weird that a significantly older child gets to be around my daughter and I have no idea who it is, what he's like and what they do together.

All the staff paint a picture that it's so funny/cute and that my daughter loves it. But I can't help but feel like this shouldn't be something happening at a private nursery. AIBU?

I suspect not.

Oh this is really really sad. My DD and my colleagues Children have always been allowed to be part of our nursery environment when they have had days off for inset or at breakfast/after school club. (Within ratio and risk assessed)
it has taught them so much about helping with tasks, caring for others, appropriate boundaries, regulating behaviour around smaller children-I could go on. They and the smaller children get so much from it and we have only ever had positive comments from parents.

Surely it would only be like if they were siblings?!

This is my thoughts too. Your paying for a trained caregiver to look after your child. Not for a child to be doing so. For however short a period of time.
I don't think there's anything sinister though.

It sounds reasonable that the staff have children with them until the school next door opens and I imagine this is included in their ratios.
Some nurseries do 'school hour' sessions, so I expect the staff come in with their children, the numbers of babies and toddlers at this point is smaller so having their own child is not a problem. These children then go into school and the nursery children arrive. All within correct ratios. The older children probably enjoy playing with the little ones (as it is a good excuse for them to play with toys probably seemed too young for them) plus they are likely to be praised for helping, to encourage good behaviour in themselves and to model for the toddlers.
The way some people are talking it is as if they have 7 year olds working as unpaid slaves doing the jobs while the staff go off for a jolly!

What exactly is it that bothers you about the situation?

I imagine that OP would have liked to have been told in advance that the nursery was run as a breakfast club for staff’s older children. It seems to me that the issue here is the blithe assumption that it’s OK.

Posters thinking that OP saw the child as a sexual predator- that’s ridiculous, she implied nothing of the sort. Says more about you than her that you jumped to this interpretation.

As you know she didn’t say it out right but the it just feels weird that a significantly older child gets to be around my daughter and I have no idea who it is, what he's like and what they do together. makes it clear OP thinks there’s something insidious going on

It sounds reasonable that the staff have children with them until the school next door opens and I imagine this is included in their ratios.

So you are saying OP is paying for the additional staff required to maintain ratios? Paying towards this child’s wrap around care as the nursery are having to operate with spaces or additional members of staff to look after this seven year old?

I'd be ok with him being there, but feeding your baby, no I wouldn't , don't think a child of 7 should be feeding a baby that is an adults job, which is what your paying for.

I don't think he should really be feeding her (the staff should do that) but as for being around and playing with her, honestly, what is the actual problem? When she goes to school there will be older children around her all the time that she will interact with and you won't have a clue what goes on between them.

To be honest yes it's cute and funny a couple of times but when you're presumably paying through the nose for your child to attend nursery then I wouldn't expect this to continue.

There is a big difference between a five year old and an eleven year old interacting in the school playground and a seven year old taking care of physical needs (feeding) a fourteen month old.

I would be just as concerned as you are OP.

The short time he's playing with her before school will be more attention for her, not less. The rest of the day she'll be getting at best 1/3 of an adults attention. Someone talking and playing with her 1:1 is probably the best part of the baby's day.

Except that someone is a child. She (or the funding) doesn't pay for 1:1 playtime with a 7 year old.

This would bother me too. This isn't a childminding setting where you expect a range of ages and the childminders own children to be involved. It's a nursery with rooms dedicated to defined ages.

You didn't sign up for this.

I have no idea who it is,

He is the nursery workers 7 year old child.

what he's like

According to the staff he is cute and funny and likes your baby, as many older children do.

and what they do together.

They play and he helps with her breakfast

You say that he is supervised throughout the time.

What actual concerns do you have?

Surely PPs would feel differently if a surgeon brought their 7 year old to work and let them have a root around their innards? I mean, he's just a little boy who loves playing with scalpels?

In what way are the two scenarios even vaguely similar?!

Is the 7 year there officially eg breakfast club before school / holiday club? I'd be grateful worried about ratios if not.

Such a shame that you feel like this. What has happened to the world when people are uncomfortable and suspicious of a 7yo showing a caring side?

She gets an additional freebie. Lucky her.

OP hasn’t met the 7 year old.

Not every child under the age of 8 is an angel.

Some are sly, some are aggressive, some are obsessive, it shouldn't be happening, the age ratio is there for a reason.

Breakfast club children should never mix with woddler / toddler / or preschool children in a professional childcare environment.

Our wonderful, brilliant nursery – I will genuinely weep when DS graduates – allows staff children in like this and it’s great: makes life miles easier for staff, so they can have their kids in with them during half term for instance rather than booking that time off. So my kids have their regular key workers not substitutes. Lots of familiar faces and when my DC started school they recognised nursery workers’ children from seeing them at nursery. The nursery is really embedded in the community, not just a money/childcare exchange – staff stop in the street or park to ask after graduated DC, they welcome back older DC accompanying their parents in picking up younger siblings and will let them use the loo or have a drink of water or offer leftover snacks from nursery tea – it’s really give and take, makes for a lovely atmosphere, and it has never occurred to me for an instant that it should be anything other than this.

How lucky your baby is to have a supervised older child play with her!

According to the staff he is cute and funny and likes your baby, as many older children do.
Well they aren't going to say, colleagues child is a brat, even if he was.
He should be told NO.

I said in my post I don't think he should be feeding her.