Nursery staffs older children playing with my 14 month old

[CalmPanda]

My daughters (14m) been going to a nursery full time for a few months now. She's come on leaps and bounds and really enjoys it there. There's just one thing that's really bugging me and I'm not sure whether I'm worried for nothing.

All the nursery staff have children that either go to the nursery or the primary school next door. For weeks now the nursery staff have been telling us 'funny stories' of how obsessed one of the workers sons is with our daughter. How much he loves playing with her and comes into the baby room to feed her her breakfast before he goes to school. He's 7. His mum works in the room so watches all the time, but it just feels weird that a significantly older child gets to be around my daughter and I have no idea who it is, what he's like and what they do together.

All the staff paint a picture that it's so funny/cute and that my daughter loves it. But I can't help but feel like this shouldn't be something happening at a private nursery. AIBU?

Because babies aren't supposed to be kept in little silos with no interaction beyond one or two adults for hours every day.

They're little humans who need to learn socialisation and communication with others in order to develop as little people - the difficulties that are arising as a result of lockdown babies now entering nurseries and schools, having not interacted with others for a massively formative period in their lives, come to mind immediately.

I’m really surprised that so many people on this thread wouldn’t have a problem with their child being looked after by a 7 year old that shouldn’t even be in the nursery. It’s not a learning experience, it’s a very concerning safeguarding issue.

I’d also be surprised if OFSTED didn’t take a very dim view of a nursery allowing staff’s children to interact with the babies and toddlers in this way.

If my baby was at a nursery that was allowing staff’s children to feed the babies and toddlers, I’d arrange a meeting with the nursery manager and if they didn’t put a stop to it, I would move my baby to another nursery.

They aren’t being ‘looked after’ by the 7yo, OP states the nursery worker is always present and supervising the interaction

I've read this a lot different to some who have implied the OP has sinister thoughts about this 7 year old boy being with her child. I assumed the OP meant she was concerned that a child of 7 year old was allowed regularly to be in the nursery, when really he shouldn't be & is being allowed to feed a younger child, which again he really shouldn't be doing. Op is paying for professional child care for her little one & doesn't expect another child to be doing the carers jobs for them. Yes it might be cute & both Children enjoy each others company but will the Nurseries Insurance cover this 7 year old & if anything happened while he was feeding the baby how would that look, or how would nursery explain it? It's not right & shouldn't be allowed. Maybe OP you should have a word with the Manager & say while you think it's lovely the 7 year old wants to help it's not really appropriate.

Do you have older kids? If you only have a toddler, a 7yo might appear very grown up to you. I assure you he's not. He's a little boy. His mum is in a caring role, he probably just likes to copy her. He's being supervised. I wouldn't worry.

I wouldn't like it either, OP. It's nothing to do with the fact he's a boy, and all to do with the fact he's 7. Seven year olds can still be silly and unpredictable and don't fully understand safety concerns.

We've got a 7 year old nephew who loves his little cousins, but he thinks nothing of picking them up in a short of chokehold from behind and has to be reminded that's not a safe way to lift a toddler. I also wouldn't rely on him to remember rules around choking hazards etc.

Fine in a family setting where both sets of parents are watching and ready to step in, but in a busy nursery, what's to stop him giving her a bit of his after school snack, which is a choking hazard, or accidentally being a bit rough when trying to pick her up, or similar. It's just not appropriate and I'm really shocked their insurance (and the manager) would allow this.

Also, some posters have mentioned how in previous generations, the older kids in the "village" would be looking after the younger ones, so you'd get this sort of interaction more often. I grew up in the 90s and this was completely true...and I was present at 3 separate occasions where young children (aged 3-7) broke limbs because lovely, sensible older children (aged 10-15) didn't fully appreciate risks. So I really don't think it's a good idea to allow children to care for younger ones, especially when the younger child's parent isn't there to keep a sharp eye on things.

(One was when a boy fell out of a tree, having been encouraged to climb up by an older neighbour. No malicious intent at all, the older boy was mortified. But also clueless about 7 year old's physical capabilities! Another was a gymnastics routine by a mixed age group of girls in a park, which involved tossing the 5 year old girl into the air, and she landed badly. Again, a lovely group of older girls who never meant any harm. The last one was at a friend's house, just a bit of a rough and tumble game, including jumping on and off a trampoline, and a 3 year old got bounced far too high by an 11 year old and landed on the ground, breaking her arm. The little girl was much loved by all the older girls, who would have wanted to take good care of her, but they just hadn't appreciated the risk!)