Nursery staffs older children playing with my 14 month old

[CalmPanda]

My daughters (14m) been going to a nursery full time for a few months now. She's come on leaps and bounds and really enjoys it there. There's just one thing that's really bugging me and I'm not sure whether I'm worried for nothing.

All the nursery staff have children that either go to the nursery or the primary school next door. For weeks now the nursery staff have been telling us 'funny stories' of how obsessed one of the workers sons is with our daughter. How much he loves playing with her and comes into the baby room to feed her her breakfast before he goes to school. He's 7. His mum works in the room so watches all the time, but it just feels weird that a significantly older child gets to be around my daughter and I have no idea who it is, what he's like and what they do together.

All the staff paint a picture that it's so funny/cute and that my daughter loves it. But I can't help but feel like this shouldn't be something happening at a private nursery. AIBU?

I have a 7 y o he would absolutely love to help with babies / toddlers. He’s kind and gentle and caring. As long as there’s full supervision I can only see this as a lovely nurturing experience for your dd

If he was 17 he would be old enough to work there whilst completing an apprenticeship or college course placement. Men are important in childcare and primary schools, there are a significant amount of young children lacking positive male role models.

Get your tubes tied right now OP. God forbid another child comes into your home and your DD dares play with it!

He’s 7. If he was 17, it’s odd. But he’s only 7.

Don't forget the enhanced DBS check!

I think some nurseries have a homely feel. This sounds quite nice that the staff have their own children attending. That shows it’s a good nursery I think. If you’re wary of her being fed by him just speak to them but I presume at her age it’s literally handing her a bit of toast?

My dc went to a small village primary school with a nursery attached. When my ds was in year 5 he volunteered to be part of a small group who spent some time each week playing with the little ones in the nursery. It was beneficial to all the children.

The school was very big on mixing between age groups, and as a result it was a very nurturing place where all the kids knew each other and the little ones felt safe with the big ones, and friendships were made across school years.

Honestly op, it’s a lovely thing.

I can't say it would bother me that much but it's a bit odd tbh and I'm surprised that it's allowed. But I can see why especially if it's your first child it bothers you. With my first child, he rarely came across older children in an uncontrolled environment and his world was baby groups and classes with similar-aged children and a very structured, controlled environment in nursery, again with similar-aged children. My second child has had a totally different experience - she has a brother similar in age to the child you're concerned about and they play and roughhouse together and occasionally she comes out the worse. And a large part of her social life has been tagging along on playdates and parties with her older brother, so it's not been unusual for us to have a tiny toddler joining in with older kids and while occasionally she's been squished or sent flying, mostly she's come out unscathed. And she's a tough little cookie as a result and thinks the older ones are just wonderful.

My older one is largely uninterested in any younger children except his sister - he loves her but thinks other babies/toddlers are boring - so we're not faced with the issue of him wanting to play with and care for other little ones constantly 😂. But yes, if he did, I'd probably step in to gently put a stop to it as, when we have playdates for the younger one, I can see some of the parents visibly wincing when my two wrestle or run around together or he swings her in the air.

This isn’t appropriate and you should raise it. You cannot guarantee his mother is in the room all the time ie she’ll be distracted with other jobs while her child is entertaining/feeding yours.
A trained adult should be feeding your child, not another child, for all sorts of reasons. It’s nothing to do with him being a boy but he’s a young child and just as a train driver wouldn’t let a 7 year old drive the train, nor should this worker allow the child to be with such young children.

My kids nursery had a breakfast club and kids in the adjoining primary school would attend. There was additional breakfast club staff so no problem with the ratio - are you sure that’s not the setup?

Honestly, his Mum is likely sitting right next to him as she would have done the feeding anyway. Ultimately OP, it’s your kid and you’ve got to feel comfortable with the setting, so mention if you need to.

A 10 year old was in my DCs nursery all day when he had an inset day. My DC loved it and had a great time with him. It's really odd that your bothered by a 7 yo being around your toddler.

Ah, but that would be lovely and wholesome. Whereas boys are disgusting brutes, and this one is probably a budding paedophile /s

He sounds like such a beautiful little boy!

I actually felt quite uneasy there at the thought of a grown ass women is actually thinking this!! There are some real strange folk on mn. My god I wouldn’t think twice if a nursery teachers child was playing with my baby? Why would you?

Am just off to bed and stupidly read this post!!! Am shocked that my generation have produced such a bunch of sensitive, fragile people (absolutely not the case with my children or their friends) . Can only assume that OP is a journalist,if not,I despair at why anyone would be suspicious about a 7 year old 🤷‍♀️

My god I wouldn’t think twice if a nursery teachers child was playing with my baby? Why would you?

Because she’s paying for her baby to be cared for and fed by a qualified adult. Not a seven year old.

I think you can guarantee there will be an adult in the room!

Exactly..makes me wonder why OP has these thoughts!

Maybe I have misread the OP given the replies, but I think this is wrong too. You are paying for trained professional care for your baby.

I think it would be nice for an older child to play with the baby with your permission but feeding and handling are to be done by the staff.

More and more primary schools are opening nurseries so maybe parents will get more accustomed to horrible big children interacting with their toddlers.
There are quite a few schools I know that have 2-11 year olds on the same site.

The child should not be feeding any child. You have left your child with a suitable qualified person. This child should not be doing this whether supervised or not.

Agree that in home situations etc would be ok however, there are fairly recent occasions where a baby of that age has choked and died in a nursery being fed by a nursery worker never mind a child so absolutely no this should not be happening and the nursery are risking their licence allowing it and I would be raising concern about it.

I think some children nowadays, especially if first or only DC and there aren't many children in the immediate family, play a lot less in mixed age groups then they perhaps would have in the past. And of course older children (boys and girls) in large families would have been expected to help with younger kids. And childcare was less specialised and expensive and standards were lower.

Nowadays families are smaller, parents usually only have one or two kids, the focus is on the nuclear family and childcare is more regimented and very expensive. It's much more unusual for, say, neighbours or older kids to help care for young children. So there is a feeling that only "qualified people" should be near our children, which probably wasn't the case in years gone past when everyone including kids would be expected to muck in.

Were I live in the uk nurseries have to be registered with a regulation body and the certification states the ages of children allowed in their care and the ratio. All staff have to be registered and suitably qualified.
You are paying for a service which includes personal care by an Adult, not a child.
Coming in for a wee play is fine but being there for hours isn’t.
The feeding thing is a health and safety issue. If your baby chokes on the food or is injured, would they truthfully say on the incident/accident report that a 7 year old was feeding the baby ? This could then lead to investigation by various agencies.

Some babies may never see anyone but adults and other babies if they are in nursery full time. This kind of interaction should be welcomed so long as it is appropriately supervised and as others have said, babies and toddlers love older children. They have a different energy, a bit more silly (in a fun way) and babies love it.

You should feel able to ask for more information about this and probably should to put your mind at ease. You might even be able to be introduced to him if you ask.