Nursery staffs older children playing with my 14 month old

[CalmPanda]

My daughters (14m) been going to a nursery full time for a few months now. She's come on leaps and bounds and really enjoys it there. There's just one thing that's really bugging me and I'm not sure whether I'm worried for nothing.

All the nursery staff have children that either go to the nursery or the primary school next door. For weeks now the nursery staff have been telling us 'funny stories' of how obsessed one of the workers sons is with our daughter. How much he loves playing with her and comes into the baby room to feed her her breakfast before he goes to school. He's 7. His mum works in the room so watches all the time, but it just feels weird that a significantly older child gets to be around my daughter and I have no idea who it is, what he's like and what they do together.

All the staff paint a picture that it's so funny/cute and that my daughter loves it. But I can't help but feel like this shouldn't be something happening at a private nursery. AIBU?

Is this actually real?

If it's just him handing her stuff, how is it any different? I would have thought it strange for a nursery to be spoon feeding a 14 month old.

He's a young child in a professional setting, being supervised by qualified staff. If you're not going to trust anyone with your child, keep her at home and look after her yourself. When you put your child into the care of others you don't get to control every single detail of their day and who they come into contact with. Despite every effort to do so, you simply can't.

This would be my issue too!
I loved seeing mine interact with older children generally but it feels very unprofessional for the staff to have their school age children in with and there’s no way they’re not a distraction from staff doing their job properly

Why is it inappropriate? Surely you can't think the seven year old boy is trying to form a potential sexual relationship with your child? In full view of his parent and other staff?
He's seven!
Lots of kids that age like playing a 'parent' in games/role play with younger kids. It will happen in primary school and often happens with siblings or cousins. It's not just little girls who like to play that way either. It's normal and sweet.

I wouldn't be happy with a child feeding my baby when I'm paying the nursery staff to do it.

He shouldn't be allowed anywhere near your child. I wouldn't be concerned about anything untoward but it's totally inappropriate that the staff are allowing this happen. It's a huge safeguarding issue.

Speak to the nursery manager and get this stopped. If they don't, I'd be moving my child to a different setting.

My children’s nursery takes children from 6 weeks to the day before they turn 12 years of age. They are not separated at all for meals or outside play and the rooms are age below 2 or 2 plus , that’s it.

That sounds so lovely. Children of all ages learn lots from being around other children from different age groups.

It’s probably doing her the world of good for her development. Sounds sweet. I really wouldn’t worry.

It really is the older children love the responsibility of “helping” with the younger ones and the little ones look up to the older ones and learn from them. It’s a mix of children in school holidays/inset days and home educated children doing some sessions while their parents work or just to socialise ,they have a large outdoor setting and are mostly outdoors.

The nursery registration certificate should be displayed. It will show the number of children allowed on the premises at one time and their ages. Unless there is an associated after school club then the upper age limit will state 5. Ofsted would give more info/ advice.

I’d be bothered too OP - which must make me a suspicious, psychopathic snowflake according to most others here 😂It’s not the same as kids playing at home when you know them, it’s not the same as different years at school. 14 months is really little, and not all 7 year olds are fabulous angels. This kid might be too rough, you don’t know him, and the thought of everyone gawping and cooing whilst he played with her like a dolly would drive me nuts. I’d have to be honest with her key worker and say it made you feel a bit unsure, and please can they run through how it works with children not enrolled at the nursery mixing with the kids who are. But that must just be crazy ol’ control freak me! 😁 Plus, why the hell has his mum got him at work anyway?!

I think it's fair enough that you would want your child fed by an adult, but other than that, I think this is rather nice. It can be hard when your little one goes to childcare as it's the first time that they have their 'own lives' so to speak, where they build relationships with new people independently of you for the first time. I remember feeling a bit wobbly about it myself at the same stage, especially as so many of the kids at his childminder seemed so big.

At his childminder, my little boy developed a very sweet friendship with my childminder's son, who was about 10 at the time. I have lovely videos of him teaching my son his colours and numbers. I reckon it was a bit of a formative experience for my little boy, who then followed his older friend's example and did the same thing with new babies and toddlers once he was old enough. He still absolutely loves 'looking after' smaller children at 6 (with lots of supervision, of course) and I'm sure his older friend helped him learn how to be gentle, patient and sensible with them.

Unless there's a concerning backstory with this older child, I think it's a really good thing.

So many missing the point here. It doesn’t matter how lovely the child is, you don’t pay for staff to be minding their own kids alongside yours.

I grew up with lots of cousins and I get it about kids growing up around other kids of different ages, and it seems a lot of people are also okay with it in this scenario, but if OP's not then she should speak up.

In the cousins/neighbours scenario, they're all kids you know and you have met and observed them playing together etc. There's a gut feel check that's not there in this scenario. And it's something expected for the setting.

I don't think it's reasonable to tell someone that if they have a weird feeling about someone having contact with their child that they didn't know about, that they should just shut up!

Both my DC has been to a childminder and have played with the babies after school there. DC1 also has been a play leader and reader to reception and KS1 children while in Year 5 & 6. As long as it’s supervised properly it’s good for toddlers to have interactions with older children.

I do sort of agree with this. It may or may not be good for your child but it's not the service you're paying for. It's a bit like paying for a sole charge nanny and then having a nanny who brings their own child along. There may be many advantages to your child having a playmate if the ages are suitable but if it's not what you want, it's not what you want.

This..

Gosh OP - you precious darling having to mix with the offspring of staff - outrageous. Might pick up something nasty,

Also, I don't think this is relevant in this case but PP have brought it up, so, for the record - I don't really care if men find it hard to break into early childhood care settings as a career. Like, it doesn't bother me at all. It does bother me if the only way they can get in is if we put a bunch of pressure on parents to lower their instinctive guardrails.

Even better in Scotland where we do 7 years at primary so the playground buddies for P1 are P7 pupils!

In the OP's case I'm sure the 7 year old is being supervised by their mother and other nursery staff. How lovely to have such a caring wee boy.

Think this is a bit of a reach tbh. I am 29 but when I was at nursery, one of the staff had an older child who would sometimes come in and I loved seeing her and playing with her. They are both kids. Seems bizarre to demonise a 7 year old for helping to play at looking after a baby.

In Ireland we have a roots of empathy programme. Parents sign their babies up to go to local schools to interact with children as the benefits of both ages interacting is huge.
You should move your child because you don't trust them.
If you have a second child I think you might look back and wonder why you were bothered?
He is most likely included in ratio, most likely sitting next to mum when the baby biscuits being fed, most likely in for a few minutes to say hello.
I really feel dad that you see anything wrong with this, but like I say you don't trust them so you should pull your child out.

You do realise OP that the attention this seven year old child is giving your daughter is more than likely, the most one to one, interaction she is having all day.

Childcare workers are busy, they have tasks to do. When they play with the children it will be for short periods and in bigger groups.

Unless your daughter is distressed by this little boy, I imagine she is the person benefitting most from the interaction.

Some children have so many social opportunities - multiple siblings or close in age cousins or a large circle of family friends to play with. Their environment is so rich. And some children only have a sterile nursery environment and adults at home. I guess it doesn't matter in the long-term so long as they are loved, but although I can see the OP's point, it's sad when additional social opportunities for those children are shut down.