To not want to stroke his back every night

[Achyarms]

Any time I watch tv (after putting two very small children to bed) my husband comes in and perches on the sofa and indicates I need to scratch/ stroke/ tickle his back. If I have energy I will do it for a while. If I ever say no I’m tired he’s gets grumpy/ angry.
if I say yes, then whenever I stop because my arm is tired (say about 10-15 minutes) he immediately gets angry and demands I keep going. He won’t stop asking. Sometimes I have to leave the room and go to bed to get away from him saying keep going over and over again.
i don’t think I’m being unreasonable but maybe I’m not being very loving? I don’t know what other people would do?
makes me want to not give any back tickles it never ends well he’s always pissed off. I’m tired I just want to watch tv and relax.

no he doesn’t give tickles or massages in return and the one time I asked he gave such a shite attempt

This would give me the ick 🥴

it’s a ltb vote from me

Great reverse on what women often do to men 🤣 just do it for a bit if you want to then say I'm done - moan all you want but that's it for tonight mate. The end.

Your husband is weird. It's ok to ask but it's not OK to get angry

He sounds like a child.

Ew no! This is not an attractive trait and worrying that he gets in a huff when you say no.

Are you married to a cat?

Buy him one of those electric massager things and let him manage his own.

Wow. That's ridiculous. YANBU in the slightest. How ridiculously needy of him. When watching telly with DH I occasionally
ask him for a foot massage but if he says no because he wants to concentrate that's obviously fine - to hassle you like that all the time for a back rub is awful. Is he jealous of the attention you give the children? It would really give me the ick.

Does he have ASD? My Dd who does requests what she calls tickle strokes and it's to help her regulate. It's so stressful for me. I do as much as I can for her but it makes me itch, sometimes all I need is my personal space so I fully understand OP. You are not being weird, but possibly neither is your DH. You are completely entitled to say no and your DH needs to accept that. For me it's less easy, I'm responsible for DDs well being as her mum so I just have to suck it up a bit. Solidarity though.

He sounds like cat 😹

I think you need one of those massage cushion things for him.

Tell him you'll do it on nights when he's put both children to bed.

I thought this post was going to be about a one year old who liked having back rubbed to go to sleep!

Not a grownup. YANBU

I was going to say what Tuesday said, is he jealous of the attention you give the children?

Honestly if I had just put two small kids to bed and someone asked me to do this for ten seconds let alone 15 minutes 😱I would want to scream.

What is he like the rest of the time??
What reason does he give for wanting this?
How can he have the nerve to then refuse to do it to you???

Ditto

Yuk!

He says he needs it for regulation (feels very tense due to adhd. I think he also has some autistic traits).

He also says he doesn’t get enough sex so I should be doing this whenever he wants.

Probably yes a bit annoyed at how much of my focus and energy goes on the kids

I don’t understand him getting grumpy/angry when you don’t want to rub his back. What are you, a scratching post??
As another poster mentioned, it could be related to ASD, but the angry bit I just don’t get and NO you don’t have to do it.
I’d actually refuse completely because of his attitude.

As soon as he asks, thrust your feet in his direction and demand a foot massage!

Buy him a back scratcher/rake or of those large bristled cow scratcher that rub themselves against!

He's selfish........you deserve better than this.

I had a boyfriend years ago who used to ask me to ‘tickle his back’ and it absolutely gave me the ick. YANBU.

Honestly this would totally piss me off, ten
Mins more
Than
Enough and honestly I'm being generous. Does he ever repay the gesture? Really does sound icky.
Tell him he gets ten mins a couple times a week and that is IT!!
And if he gets angry I say u have way more problems than a back rub.

This sounds incredibly unattractive and childlike. I think him blaming his adhd would be an even bigger turn off.

Ewwww, what a controlling manipulative abusive prick. I would be getting my ducks in a row if I were you @Achyarms Tell him to go to a prostitute if he wants a woman to do shit that turns him on, all the time, like a robot. Weirdo!!! 😆

So needy ! That’s not cool at all. Tell him to get over it !