To not want to stroke his back every night

[Achyarms]

Any time I watch tv (after putting two very small children to bed) my husband comes in and perches on the sofa and indicates I need to scratch/ stroke/ tickle his back. If I have energy I will do it for a while. If I ever say no I’m tired he’s gets grumpy/ angry.
if I say yes, then whenever I stop because my arm is tired (say about 10-15 minutes) he immediately gets angry and demands I keep going. He won’t stop asking. Sometimes I have to leave the room and go to bed to get away from him saying keep going over and over again.
i don’t think I’m being unreasonable but maybe I’m not being very loving? I don’t know what other people would do?
makes me want to not give any back tickles it never ends well he’s always pissed off. I’m tired I just want to watch tv and relax.

no he doesn’t give tickles or massages in return and the one time I asked he gave such a shite attempt

Spat my tea (wine) out. V v funny.

My ASD son needs this to regulate. He doesn’t complain when my hand gets tired and I stop! An adult man - ASD/ADHD or NT - needs to get a back massager device and do it himself. I couldn’t be arsed with that, let alone a grump if my hand hurt and I needed to stop

Eugh sounds gross To demand it like that. I’m a woman and I love my back being scratched by dh. He does it rarely tho. And I don’t ask for it. But I do love it when he does it. It’s so relaxing!!

Fuck that

I voted YABU.
That's because you're being ridiculously unreasonable for doing it.

You asked what other people would do?
In my case, I'd tell him to piss off!

And we've been married 33 years !!

Just state very loudly I AM TIRED. MY ARM IS TIRED. DO NOT DEMAND I DI SOMETHING WHEN I AM TIRED

How revolting! Ugh.

If he needs it for regulation then he should be able to understand the concept that you are also over stimulated and need some body autonomy where you aren't consistently giving all your energy to other people. So there needs to be compromise, he takes putting the kids to bed off your hands so you get to decompress for a bit, if you then feel able you help him regulate but for a set amount of time and then let's you be so both adults are happy......this was going to be my response until I read the comment about how he deserves this because he doesn't get enough sex, is that like a stock argument for men? tell his entitled ass to piss off 🤣

Fucking hell he sounds absolutely awful. How much parenting is he doing? Are you sharing bedtimes equally? Tell him mo. No explanation. If he is abusive because you say no, look at ways to leave him.

My DH tickles my back every night in bed and I absolutely love it!

Get a mannequin hand, duct tape it to a mop handle and sit on the opposite end of the sofa

Haven’t posted before

My DD (a grown person) does this and it gets annoying quickly just because of how tiring and pestering it is.

But at least it’s my child. If it was a man I’d have an even bigger issue with it 😤

Have you considered investing in one of these? I would go in quite firmly with it. Hopefully that should dissuade him in future.

As least this horse knows it a 2 way thing- your husband does not!

Is he controlling in other ways too?

My DH likes a back scratch. I had no idea it was such a thing! He says his dad did it for him when he was going to sleep as a boy and its relaxing and lovely. He also has ADHD.
He's done it for me on occasion and it's nice enough but I can take it or leave it so I'm thinking it's a ND thing or a reliving secure childhood thing.
He doesn't make any kind of fuss when I've had enough though, and it's way less than 15 mins as a rule. He does ask fairly frequently if we're together of an eve, but in a nice way, and I don't mind a leisurely scratch for 2-5 mins. If I don't have a free hand because knitting or working He either doesn't ask or gracefully accepts a no.

Eugh. This made me cringe for you.
He's weird op.

My exH used to insist on nightly back tickles…sometimes my arm would be aching or I’d be exhausted with baby/toddler but it didn’t matter - I had to do it. Decades later, I still am bloody glad I divorced him and this was one of the things that highlighted his selfishness.

Oh for goodness sake, you KNOW you are not being unreasonable.

In what world WOULD you be??🙄

OP- does he ask for this if you have friends/family staying over? What does he do if either of you are away and not together???

Yeah this sounds about right

Well sometimes on aibu I think one thing and a large number of people think something else. I wondered if anyone was going to say just do it, be more loving. I always show my partner love, I’d be happy to do it etc etc

Yeah probably

yuk