To not want to stroke his back every night

[Achyarms]

Any time I watch tv (after putting two very small children to bed) my husband comes in and perches on the sofa and indicates I need to scratch/ stroke/ tickle his back. If I have energy I will do it for a while. If I ever say no I’m tired he’s gets grumpy/ angry.
if I say yes, then whenever I stop because my arm is tired (say about 10-15 minutes) he immediately gets angry and demands I keep going. He won’t stop asking. Sometimes I have to leave the room and go to bed to get away from him saying keep going over and over again.
i don’t think I’m being unreasonable but maybe I’m not being very loving? I don’t know what other people would do?
makes me want to not give any back tickles it never ends well he’s always pissed off. I’m tired I just want to watch tv and relax.

no he doesn’t give tickles or massages in return and the one time I asked he gave such a shite attempt

I c

I swear I’ve read this exact post almost word for word before, right down to the suspected ND, not enough sex and drip feed that he’s a controlling arse outside of this issue.

How are there two women this unlucky.

Get him to explain why overbearing requests for other kinds of physical attention will get him more sex.

I do do this for dp a little bit because I like it and i suppose i still hope one day that a man will do it for me (tbh I've never in my life met a man who will do it well, and certainly not for more than 20 sec at the absolute outside) but he's never once requested it.

Tell him to search for one of those spidery head scratchers that were around a few years ago and fix it to a wall or something. You're not his personal servant. IF you ever offer this to him as a gift, the right thing to say is 'thank you' not 'more'.

My exh was a bit weird like this about having his back scratched. It would drive you mad as you can never just sit and relax.

Honestly OP, this isn’t on. You have a right to sit and relax too. You’re not a resource for him to help him regulate. You’re a person in your own right!

Massive red flags and massive ick!
Has he always been so controlling? What does he do for you?

Does anyone else find the sensation of this absolutely unbearable? I've never been able to stand someone gently stroking me, even saying it makes me feel weird and a bit nauseous. Even reading this thread has made me feel a bit shuddery.

God that's grim.

He sounds very manipulative and selfish.

Oh gosh really?! No it’s not me. Maybe I’ll look for the other thread

My husband insists I spoon feed him breast milk every night, I don’t want to. AIBU? 🙄

He could lie on a Shakti mat

Buy him a back scratcher for the back tickles and introduce him to his hand and some tissues so he can become completely self sufficient. He'll need it when you leave him anyway

It's unclear from people's responses here - but what proportion of the ick factor is the tickles themselves or the demanding them?

I felt deeply uncomfortable with the line about not enough sex so you owe it to him. Please don’t get gaslit into believing this. No woman owes sex ever ever ever.

i completely understand if he is ND and needs regulating and I feel compassion for him, but he needs to find a way to regulate that doesn’t depend on you. He is not your child and with 2 small children you’re probably pretty empty from helping with their needs.

I’d have a calm conversation with him (during the day) to discuss other options. He needs to be and to stand on his own two feet.

good luck OP

Interesting
I absolutely love having my back scratched, it's energising and relaxing all at the same time. If I'm tense or guarded it gets me relaxed. My dad used to scratch my back as a kid. And I have ADHD. Sounds like this may be a thing.

Sadly I have nobody to scratch my back!
And when I did, I wouldn't plonk myself down and demand it and not let someone stop!

@Achyarms i am trying to find the link as the OP got some good advice on there and support to assert her boundaries with a very controlling, selfish man. I’ll share if I find it!

He sounds like a complete prick.

I feel for you, OP. My dog is exactly the same, except that it's her tummy and that she's not an adult human being.

In all seriousness though, you probably need to decide what you want to offer, have a conversation about it and hold his behaviour (the huffiness) to account.

He'd be getting even less sex.

Like nil.

Yabvu

Oh Christ! I couldn't live with this. What a repulsive man he is.

A child? He sounds like a labrador.

Could you maybe fill a Kong dog toy with treats and keep him occupied for a while?

I love a back scratch too, something to really get the blood flowing. Gentle massage, not so much.

Not a sexual thing at all. Just feels really nice.

Oh gawd I was married to one of those. WAS.

Buy him one fo these and he can scratch his own back. https://www.amazon.co.uk/back-scratcher/s?k=back+scratcher

I'd also tell him that scratching his back is a total turn off and there'll be no sex until he junks the habit.

The whole time I've been reading this thread my dog asked me to stroke her. She was very polite about it and when she'd had enough she laid down. Yesterday she kept putting her head up as wanted me to do under chin strokes, I wanted to do my writing but of course I stroked her.

My dog is better behaved than your husband.

Tell him earlier in the day that you aren't doing it anymore and there are plenty of devices online to order to do it for him.