To not want to stroke his back every night

[Achyarms]

Any time I watch tv (after putting two very small children to bed) my husband comes in and perches on the sofa and indicates I need to scratch/ stroke/ tickle his back. If I have energy I will do it for a while. If I ever say no I’m tired he’s gets grumpy/ angry.
if I say yes, then whenever I stop because my arm is tired (say about 10-15 minutes) he immediately gets angry and demands I keep going. He won’t stop asking. Sometimes I have to leave the room and go to bed to get away from him saying keep going over and over again.
i don’t think I’m being unreasonable but maybe I’m not being very loving? I don’t know what other people would do?
makes me want to not give any back tickles it never ends well he’s always pissed off. I’m tired I just want to watch tv and relax.

no he doesn’t give tickles or massages in return and the one time I asked he gave such a shite attempt

I'd be telling him to get to fuck. He has no right to sex just as he has no right to nightly, endless back strokes, rubs, tickles whatever. These are things that loving and happy couples do for/with each other to show love. If one or other isn't feeling the love they don't have to do it. If one or other is feeling tired after a long day of looking after children, they don't have to do it. He knows that but he's a selfish prick who's getting "angry" and sulking so he gets what he wants and to hell with your wants or feelings. I'd happily do that for a partner some of the time and he'd be lucky to get ten to fifteen minutes. After that my arm would be tired and the end of all that. I wouldn't do it every night and on command which is what your not so D H is expecting of him. Start saying no more often and let him sulk and get angry and whatever toddler tantrum he's pulling. I'm not going to say ltb, but I think there needs to be some serious communication between you where he understands that he's a controlling piece of work and if he loves you he needs to change. If he refuses then you have to decide whether you feel you can live your life with a man who has no respect for you and doesn't care about your feelings.

Oh lord no. What’s in it for you other than not having a grumpy man stomping about?

This post just made me gag.

Eurgh sounds just like my ex.

I would be suggesting that he learns to self regulate. It's not your job. Lots of ways to do it, he could Google it and see what takes his fancy.to try.

I cannot express how much I hate the term "tickles" here. You're not tickling his back to make him laugh are you. Bizarre. Ick. Ugh.

Asking for a back scratch/backrub every now and then for a sensible amount of time? Sure but asking for cutesy back "tickles" because there's "not enough sex" and getting angry after 10 minutes is absolutely wild. Tickle him out the door and into the bin OP. I am so sorry you are living with this.

Just say NO !

So what if he gets angry? He’s upsetting you and doesn’t give a shit about that does he ?

Best of all, ltb !

I vaguely remember the other thread, not enough to find it, but I hope someone else can link it for you.
In the other one it sounded like the husband treated the wife as though she was there just to serve him & meet his needs. That's what it sounds like for you too.

Probably yes a bit annoyed at how much of my focus and energy goes on the kids

He’s annoyed you’re a parent?!

Get rid of hubby and get a dog, they are needy and demand belly rubs, but are much more lovable. 😄

Ewwwww

how about ‘No, I need some downtime for my own emotional well being, I haven’t noticed you caring about that.’

Ask him to pour you a G&T and give you a foot massage. Payback time.

Seriously, don’t do anything you don’t want to do out of habit, expectation or coercion. Especially not sex.

But if you no longer feel like having sex with him, that needs addressing. Lots of couples don’t have sex very often, but it needs discussing, rather than letting it drift.

And why doesn’t his focus and energy go on the kids too?

My cat is currently insisting I rub his belly until he's properly asleep. 'DH' being a DCat is the only reasonable answer.

I would not tolerate that.
Buy a metal or spikey bamboo back scratcher.
They are very good.
Encourage him to use it.

The request is fine. You scratching his back is fine if you want to do it but he should respect you saying NO, that's enough.
Any anger and I would state - No back rubs for a month, mate.

Maybe take a back massage course together and agree that you each have a night per week where you will receive a back massage, if you are feeling it at the time.
Maybe change the routine - for him to put the kids to bed more often - and for you to examine what you need to enjoy having more sex.

Reading the short preview title I assumed it was a child who wanted their back rubbed and was all primed to sympathize as my daughter needed this to sleep until she was 10 or 11, but your husband? Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

This

There’s a very simple solution, just say “no” and don’t do it.

Did you type Husband when you meant to type Golden Retriever?

You aren't his Support Human to service his needs for soothing, regulating or, god help you, sex. If he can't understand that, divorce is sounding a very good option.

Yeah the whole feathery stroking thing
Gives me white hot rage if someone does it to me. UGH
I like having my back rubbed/touched but not lightly

I had an ex who was the same with his feet when we were on the sofa and his back when we were in bed. He was a nasty person, (not saying the asking for rubs or tickles makes them nasty) but in general. Definitely narcissistic, entitled and would gas light me. They think if they want it they should just get it, if I'd of asked him he'd of been offended or laughed at me.

He also says he doesn’t get enough sex so I should be doing this whenever he wants. @Achyarms

So is this punishment? Sex substitution?
Either way he has no right to expect and demand sex or ANY physical contact from you. This is abuse.

This reason on its own is enough to not do it, let alone all the other things- you're tired, arm aching, his abuse when you stop or refuse.

I'm so sorry op, this really sounds awful for you.

My vagina would clamp shut at having to do this. What an absolute ick. YABU to have put up with this every single night.

The feel of skin under my nails makes me want to vomit. I have great natural nails and my DH asks and I say no. Horrible thing to have to do to someone

Start calling him Baloo

My labradors do the same. Have you tried giving your DH a kong full of peanut butter and yoghurt to keep him occupied?