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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 year old daughter upset with her birthday party idea

207 replies

Orangeandpinknails · 01/02/2025 08:06

Put this on AIBU because it's more likely to be viewed.

My little girl is 3 and will be 4 end of Feb. She has been so excited for a birthday party and we booked her one last night in a cheaper place that she has been to before for a friend's party. It's all we can really afford at the moment and I've just told her about it. She started crying saying it's a baby play area and she doesn't want to go there for her party and that she wants to go to another certain play area for her birthday. We've already paid now so not sure if can cancel and get a refund but also, this other place will cost us about £60 more which we can't really afford right now.

What would you do?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 01/02/2025 08:07

At 4 years old she doesn’t get to dictate.

KittyPup · 01/02/2025 08:09

Kindly, if it’s so tight that £60 makes such a difference, maybe don’t have a party. It’s not a necessary expense. Do a smaller something at home with a few friends and family.

Pigeonqueen · 01/02/2025 08:11

KittyPup · 01/02/2025 08:09

Kindly, if it’s so tight that £60 makes such a difference, maybe don’t have a party. It’s not a necessary expense. Do a smaller something at home with a few friends and family.

I agree.

Could you just invite a few friends over and have a smaller party at home - like we used to do in the 80s? Everyone seems to rent places for parties etc now but it’s perfectly reasonable to have a party at home with traditional party games etc.

Yoheresthestory · 01/02/2025 08:11

Yep, she’s about to learn a lesson in making the most of things. Be kind and even explain that the other is just too much money right now. And at 4 id be doing lots of distraction and bigging it up. But id come down very clearly on brattish behaviour. Disappointment is ok. Being demanding is not.

FanofLeaves · 01/02/2025 08:15

The trouble is at that age they have a fixed idea in their mind and often no filter so they will get upset if it’s not ‘right’ or what they imagined. She’s not trying to dictate or cause hurt to you or make you feel rubbish about your finances. No harm in using it as an exercise in managing demands and behaving politely etc though.

I probably would have gone for a home party to save the cost but you’ll have to go ahead with this one now, if you’ve paid, and I’m sure it’ll be grand, she’ll just have to start visualising something different.

tonyhawks23 · 01/02/2025 08:18

Surely no point in doing a party she doesn't want.id move to a home party.

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 01/02/2025 08:18

She is 3. She won't remember this party by next year.
She's very lucky to be having any party.,don't let your child emotionally bully you into changing it!

Danikm151 · 01/02/2025 08:18

Tell her the other place costs lots of money and lucky her she still gets a party.
once there she’ll be happy.

Agreed with others though she doesn’t get to dictate.
I wouldn’t have told her.

For my son’s birthday this year we’re doing a day out and a tea party at home the day before. He asked for a party but it’s because he wants to play musical statues and do pass the parcel. A massive party would be overwhelming anyway

Overthebow · 01/02/2025 08:18

Is it a baby play area?

NautilusLionfish · 01/02/2025 08:19

You have already paid so not much you can do as you would probably loose the money if you cancelled. Am sure when she sees her friends she will forget she didn't like the place. If you can put up a few decorations of her favourite characters.

It will turn out am sure

Sidebeforeself · 01/02/2025 08:19

“Oh dear it’s a shame you don’t like it, Because x and y will be there so I’m sure we’ll still have lots of fun! In your best bright and breezy voice. . Then ignore any whinging or distract with things like “ Ooh I wonder if they’ll be a cake?!” Etc

TwentyTwentyFive · 01/02/2025 08:20

Did you discuss with her what kind of party she would like before booking? Yes she's only 3 but it is a party for her and it sounds like she isn't interested in this venue and would have probably preferred an alternative like a hired hall or smaller tea party at home which would probably have also been cheaper.

Gotabadfeelingaboutthis · 01/02/2025 08:20

It isn't "brattish", a 4 year old has absolutely no concept of your financial situation, nor should they. They just have a very fixed mindset at that age of what they want (and don't!) It sounds like you booked it without actually asking her what she'd like. Also at 4, children are developing independence and autonomy. Learning they can make decisions for themselves, all very normal developmentally. So maybe try giving her a choice
"The other play area is not available/too much money/whatever reason you want to give, so you can either have your party at the one we've booked or we could have a few friends over and do a party at home, which would you prefer?" That way she feels like she's getting a say and you don't bankrupt yourself for a kids party.

Overthebow · 01/02/2025 08:21

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 01/02/2025 08:18

She is 3. She won't remember this party by next year.
She's very lucky to be having any party.,don't let your child emotionally bully you into changing it!

Why wouldn’t she remember the party? My 4 year old talks about her birthday parties she’s had all the time, and plans her next ones. Birthday parties a big deal at this age.

SpryCat · 01/02/2025 08:22

I would give her the choice of the birthday party where you booked or a little party at home, explain the other place is too expensive for you this year.

Muthaofcats · 01/02/2025 08:22

I probably wouldn’t go ahead with a party my child didn’t want. If it’s one of those baby play areas aimed at toddlers I can see why she’d not want that for her party. It’s not her fault if you booked something without asking her first? I’d probably cancel, lose the deposit, and do a party at home. If she wants the more expensive soft play and it’s only £60 difference could you economise on other things? Make sweety cones instead of party bags or bake own cake? If money is so tight that £60 is unaffordable then I wouldn’t be wasting money on a big group party at all.

Original poster
Orangeandpinknails · 01/02/2025 08:23

It does feel all a little spoilt.. I never wanted to raise a spoilt child but its hard when they're your world isn't it. She's such a good girl and not necessarily been throwing a hissy fit, just had a bit of a sad face and tears, makes me feel so guilty I just want her to be happy as she doesn't quite understand yet why she can't have the party she wants.

We did think about having it at home but we only have a small house and it needs to be done up, I wouldn't really want loads of people round at the moment

OP posts:
TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 01/02/2025 08:23

Overthebow · 01/02/2025 08:21

Why wouldn’t she remember the party? My 4 year old talks about her birthday parties she’s had all the time, and plans her next ones. Birthday parties a big deal at this age.

Show quote history

Do you remember your 4th birthday party, or only 'remember' due to photo's of the event?
Not being goady, just that human adults rarely remember detail from that early

Original poster
Orangeandpinknails · 01/02/2025 08:26

Overthebow · 01/02/2025 08:18

Is it a baby play area?

No it's not actually a baby play area, it's a soft play with about 3 levels but it's smaller than the one she would like to go to, that's why she's calling it a baby play area, I think

OP posts:
Temporaryname158 · 01/02/2025 08:26

As long as it truely isn’t a baby play area and is age appropriate (which I guess it is as you booked it) then you just have to say big play area wasn’t available so we booked this. It is this or no party.

Katie enjoyed her party here, and all your friends want to come and play with you. Then mention no more about it. At 3 going on 4 she is being unreasonable, as children can be as they don’t have background info on finances etc but you are doing the best you can afford.

just keep in mind for next year to have a discussion before booking anywhere but quickly next year she can only have something in budget and you cannot be pressured into more.

don’t get yourselves in debt to meet wants of a toddler

Moonnstars · 01/02/2025 08:27

I think you should have asked her before booking. You could have explained that the other play area is not available.

Is the play area you have booked babyish or known to be for little children? If so I can understand her upset.

I normally try to give my children options. If it is expensive then I explain that will need to be their present (and they soon change their minds!).

I think it's good to give children choice as they feel they are involved, but keep it to what you can afford. Also there is no harm in explaining to children that something is too expensive and justify it.

needhelpwiththisplease · 01/02/2025 08:34

She has two choices....
This party or no party
She is 4!
When did pre schoolers get to dictate what they want and how much money parents should spend on something?
This is batshit

2Rebecca · 01/02/2025 08:37

We always discussed birthday party plans with the child. We only discussed options we were happy with or could afford though and if somewhere was too expensive would say so.

botanicalprint · 01/02/2025 08:37

needhelpwiththisplease · 01/02/2025 08:34

She has two choices....
This party or no party
She is 4!
When did pre schoolers get to dictate what they want and how much money parents should spend on something?
This is batshit

This.

I understand you'd like to go to X but in afraid we can't have a party there this year. You can choose: party at Y, or we just have a little party with family at home. What would you prefer?

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 01/02/2025 08:46

Tell her you met another little girl with a birthday who loves that play area so you’re going to let the other little girl have a birthday there and she can have hers at home with 4 friends.

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