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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 year old daughter upset with her birthday party idea

207 replies

Orangeandpinknails · 01/02/2025 08:06

Put this on AIBU because it's more likely to be viewed.

My little girl is 3 and will be 4 end of Feb. She has been so excited for a birthday party and we booked her one last night in a cheaper place that she has been to before for a friend's party. It's all we can really afford at the moment and I've just told her about it. She started crying saying it's a baby play area and she doesn't want to go there for her party and that she wants to go to another certain play area for her birthday. We've already paid now so not sure if can cancel and get a refund but also, this other place will cost us about £60 more which we can't really afford right now.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Brainfogblue · 01/02/2025 11:56

I think you need to go ahead and big up the best bits and the friends that are coming - the birthday cake she will have etc

There is nothing wrong in letting her know the other place isn’t affordable right now in child appropriate language .Its no different really to being asked to buy a toy you can’t afford and saying no .

Snugglemonkey · 01/02/2025 12:14

whyhere · 01/02/2025 09:04

Cancel it (if you can get a refund) and give the money to a children's charity instead. Lesson learned!

Unbelievably nasty.

Mountainfrog · 01/02/2025 12:18

Gotabadfeelingaboutthis · 01/02/2025 08:20

It isn't "brattish", a 4 year old has absolutely no concept of your financial situation, nor should they. They just have a very fixed mindset at that age of what they want (and don't!) It sounds like you booked it without actually asking her what she'd like. Also at 4, children are developing independence and autonomy. Learning they can make decisions for themselves, all very normal developmentally. So maybe try giving her a choice
"The other play area is not available/too much money/whatever reason you want to give, so you can either have your party at the one we've booked or we could have a few friends over and do a party at home, which would you prefer?" That way she feels like she's getting a say and you don't bankrupt yourself for a kids party.

This is perfect - I’d do this

heyhopotato · 01/02/2025 12:23

I'd earn the money and give her the party she wants. £60 is sticking some stuff on eBay or Vinted, doing some online surveys, looking around locally to see if there's anyone paying for questionnaires/studies to be filled out, rounding up the loose change in the house and getting it changed into something usable, raiding the garage for things that can be sold that I meant to get listed and forgot about, maybe seeing if our parents would chip in a bit or contribute to it instead of a present, see if I could cut costs somewhere else on cake or presents etc.

Ophy83 · 01/02/2025 12:26

As you've booked already, stick with the soft play but could she choose a theme for the party so she gets a feeling of it being her choice? maybe they can dress up and/or balloons/party bags/cake are all that theme?

Snugglemonkey · 01/02/2025 12:34

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 01/02/2025 09:05

The fact remains that the child should appreciate it is getting a party, and no parent should be emotionally blackmailed by their child

Show quote history

Would you appreciate a party aimed at teenagers being thrown for you? I wouldn't. I would be polite about it, but I would not like it, would not enjoy it and would not appreciate anything it. I can rationalise, so there wouldn't be tears etc, but then I am in my 40's. This is a 3 year old.

ridingfreely · 01/02/2025 12:34

Just tell her the other place is fully booked or closed on the day so it's this place or no party

She will soon come around

Cerealkiller4U · 01/02/2025 12:35

Orangeandpinknails · 01/02/2025 08:06

Put this on AIBU because it's more likely to be viewed.

My little girl is 3 and will be 4 end of Feb. She has been so excited for a birthday party and we booked her one last night in a cheaper place that she has been to before for a friend's party. It's all we can really afford at the moment and I've just told her about it. She started crying saying it's a baby play area and she doesn't want to go there for her party and that she wants to go to another certain play area for her birthday. We've already paid now so not sure if can cancel and get a refund but also, this other place will cost us about £60 more which we can't really afford right now.

What would you do?

We tried to do a birthday party on a budget and it went way over what we could of hired.

We’ve not done lots of birthday parties since!

yeah. I mean you can’t afford it. She doesn’t need a party at 4. I know you’re trying so bad and we all do. You’ve got this. You give her love 💕

Notgivenuphope · 01/02/2025 12:37

Snugglemonkey · 01/02/2025 12:14

Unbelievably nasty.

Show quote history

And at this age ineffective. If a 9 year old was being bratty this would work, but at 3/4 they just wouldn’t understand as they are still learning to the concepts of not everything can be just so.

KnickerlessFlannel · 01/02/2025 12:37

At her age I think I would offer 2 choices that fall within my adult requirements. Eg upu can have 10 friends at this soft play or we can go to x place with 1 friend. Then she can have some input

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 01/02/2025 12:41

An older child I'd probably have a conversation about the cost but at her age I'd tell her the other one is booked out or shut that weekend or something. And then sympathise with her disappointment but try and get her to see the positives - talk about what party invite she is going to wear etc and who is invited. At her age I'd actually think smaller is better, some kids might be scared in the bigger place and it's harder to keep track of which kid has got stuck on the frame somewhere / has hurt themselves / has got split up from the group / group them all together for food etc

NoKnit · 01/02/2025 12:44

I think you should listen to your child.
She doesn't want the party there.
So let her have the party she wants with smaller numbers (age 4 invite 4 friends) at the other place where she does want it. Explain to her why numbers have to be reduced. If she is happy with that then crack on

YouZirName · 01/02/2025 12:45

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 01/02/2025 08:18

She is 3. She won't remember this party by next year.
She's very lucky to be having any party.,don't let your child emotionally bully you into changing it!

What an absolute race to the bottom - lucky for having the bare minimum? Jesus.

ZebedeeDougalFlorence · 01/02/2025 12:52

tonyhawks23 · 01/02/2025 08:18

Surely no point in doing a party she doesn't want.id move to a home party.

I agree with this. It's her day.

HarrietPierce · 01/02/2025 12:53

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · Today 08:18
"She is 3. She won't remember this party by next year."

She is 4 in a couple of weeks.

thesoundofwildgeese · 01/02/2025 12:53

"the issue with my 7 year old is make up to school"

It's over 30 years since I had a 7 year old in school but is this a thing? Are there schools that permit 7 year olds to wear make up and parents who allow their children to wear make up to school? Why?

Commonsense22 · 01/02/2025 12:56

I would be honest and say you just cannot afford the other one. It's important to be truthful and start building the concept that you'll give her the best you can but the world is so built that some others around will have more, and you have to accept that you can't have the same.
I definitely wouldn't lie.

Snugglemonkey · 01/02/2025 12:58

Screamingabdabz · 01/02/2025 10:08

This way madness lies.

It’s ok to make a fuss of a 3 year old on their birthday but they’re at an age where they have very little life experience to know what they want and what it means. This is why adults should make decisions, not toddlers who’ve been alive for 3 years.

Show quote history

Yes, adults should make the decisions, but I would never book a party without consulting the birthday girl. To avoid this situation. I absolutely seek input. Some suggestions may be unachievable, but I would bring the conversation back to two affordable options.

Toddlers may not know what th8ngs mean, but they do know what they want, and they definitely know what is "for babies" or otherwise inappropriate to them. Why should their wishes not be part of the decision-making process? Why should anyone be filled with gratitude for something they feel strongly is not for them?

Nanny0gg · 01/02/2025 13:02

Orangeandpinknails · 01/02/2025 08:23

It does feel all a little spoilt.. I never wanted to raise a spoilt child but its hard when they're your world isn't it. She's such a good girl and not necessarily been throwing a hissy fit, just had a bit of a sad face and tears, makes me feel so guilty I just want her to be happy as she doesn't quite understand yet why she can't have the party she wants.

We did think about having it at home but we only have a small house and it needs to be done up, I wouldn't really want loads of people round at the moment

Is it too babyish?

stichguru · 01/02/2025 13:06

It isn't bratty or wrong to change your mind about your birthday whatever age you are. However if you can't afford to change the party, explain that to her. If you could cancel and do a party at home or something else cheaper, give her the option of the place you've booked or that, but not the other play centre.

Tekbrobillionaire · 01/02/2025 13:30

Some of these ridiculous responses illustrate perfectly why we have ungrateful teenagers who are dissatisfied with life.
Also it’s lazy parenting which results in depressed teenagers as they’ve not had parents who bothered to teach them they can’t have everything they want and they can’t handle it as they’re so used to getting their own way.

It’s not being nasty to teach them that money is tight and that parties are not an essential or to make them aware that many children cannot have a party at all. Doesn’t mean you don’t love them or care ffs.

WhatNoRaisins · 01/02/2025 13:34

I think some of the responses are ridiculous. She's 3 going on 4 and has little idea about the costs and logistics of birthday parties. At that age given the choice I'd have wanted one in Cinderella's castle at Disney with a full ball! Parents are allowed to make decisions for children that are beyond them.

OP I'd just be managing her disappointment as best you can and do the party that's possible.

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 01/02/2025 13:47

YouZirName · 01/02/2025 12:45

What an absolute race to the bottom - lucky for having the bare minimum? Jesus.

Show quote history

Where on earth did you get that conclusion?

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 01/02/2025 13:48

HarrietPierce · 01/02/2025 12:53

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · Today 08:18
"She is 3. She won't remember this party by next year."

She is 4 in a couple of weeks.

And the difference is?

KilkennyCats · 01/02/2025 13:58

DustyLee123 · 01/02/2025 08:07

At 4 years old she doesn’t get to dictate.

Of course she does! It’s her party and she doesn't want to go there.
Why would you force her?
To be fair, if 60 quid is a dealbreaker I don’t know why op is having a party at all 🤷🏻‍♀️

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