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AIBU?

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Original poster

4 year old daughter upset with her birthday party idea

207 replies

Orangeandpinknails · 01/02/2025 08:06

Put this on AIBU because it's more likely to be viewed.

My little girl is 3 and will be 4 end of Feb. She has been so excited for a birthday party and we booked her one last night in a cheaper place that she has been to before for a friend's party. It's all we can really afford at the moment and I've just told her about it. She started crying saying it's a baby play area and she doesn't want to go there for her party and that she wants to go to another certain play area for her birthday. We've already paid now so not sure if can cancel and get a refund but also, this other place will cost us about £60 more which we can't really afford right now.

What would you do?

OP posts:
tonyhawks23 · 01/02/2025 09:23

Barney16 · 01/02/2025 09:18

Do a sad face and say the other place is closed. She's not likely to get an Uber over there to check out if you're lying.

What's with all these suggestions to lie!poor girl just wants a party she wants!

Hayley1256 · 01/02/2025 09:24

I would explain that the other place is fully booked which is why you booked the place you have. Get her excited about the party bags, cake, having her friends their etc

FudgeSundae · 01/02/2025 09:26

I also have a 3 year old with a party coming up. I’m afraid my reaction would be “oh okay I’ll cancel it then!” and see if she decides that the baby place is suitable after all! I take a PP’s point that they’re too young to be spoilt or brattish but for me it’s part of teaching manners and respect.

Iloveeverycat · 01/02/2025 09:27

What's with all these suggestions to lie! poor girl just wants a party she wants!
She is only 3 Why should she decide and not the parents.

rainbowunicorn · 01/02/2025 09:27

Iloveeverycat · 01/02/2025 09:22

Not now I don't. It must be a new thing then all my 4 never went or had parties before school.

Show quote history

Well my kids are in their 20s and went to parties before school.

Whoarethoseguys · 01/02/2025 09:28

needhelpwiththisplease · 01/02/2025 08:34

She has two choices....
This party or no party
She is 4!
When did pre schoolers get to dictate what they want and how much money parents should spend on something?
This is batshit

I think they should always have a say in where their party is. And I don't think anything should have been booked without discussing it with her.
Having said t she doesn't have the right to make you spend more than you want to.
But if she said she wanted soft play you could have discussed with her beforehand that if she wants soft play then it will be this smaller soft play. So nothing is a suprise.

TaggieO · 01/02/2025 09:28

KittyPup · 01/02/2025 08:09

Kindly, if it’s so tight that £60 makes such a difference, maybe don’t have a party. It’s not a necessary expense. Do a smaller something at home with a few friends and family.

This

Iloveeverycat · 01/02/2025 09:30

Well my kids are in their 20s and went to parties before school.
So are mine now. Never had any.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 01/02/2025 09:30

She’s turning 4. Just brush over it and talk about how much fun she’ll have with her friends. By the time the party comes she’ll be excited and have a nice time.

why are people assuming that 3/4 year olds need to be treated like teens/adults? 🤯

Newfoundzestforlife · 01/02/2025 09:30

Yoheresthestory · 01/02/2025 08:11

Yep, she’s about to learn a lesson in making the most of things. Be kind and even explain that the other is just too much money right now. And at 4 id be doing lots of distraction and bigging it up. But id come down very clearly on brattish behaviour. Disappointment is ok. Being demanding is not.

It's not "brattish" that she has an opinion and a preference as to how she'd like to spend her own birthday....!

Jk987 · 01/02/2025 09:32

KittyPup · 01/02/2025 08:09

Kindly, if it’s so tight that £60 makes such a difference, maybe don’t have a party. It’s not a necessary expense. Do a smaller something at home with a few friends and family.

Very out of touch comment. £60 is a lot to some people.
Starting sentences with 'kindly' usually means 'condescendingly'

Goofy03 · 01/02/2025 09:33

TaggieO · 01/02/2025 09:28

This

Show quote history

£60 ON TOP is a big difference IMO. I don’t think it’s a choice between expensive soft play and party at home. The middle ground the OP has sounds about right

SpringBunnyHopHop · 01/02/2025 09:33

I would probably say if you are going to whinge there will be no party at all.

Scentedjasmin · 01/02/2025 09:35

This very much sounds as though she's picked up on other kid's talking about things that are babyish generally. She's not acting spoilt. She's just becoming aware of what other's think about her and wants to be as grown up as she can. That's extremely common at that age. She's just a baby herself. It's no big deal. Just give her a choice of that, a tea party at home or a family day out.

rainbowunicorn · 01/02/2025 09:36

Iloveeverycat · 01/02/2025 09:30

Well my kids are in their 20s and went to parties before school.
So are mine now. Never had any.

So maybe you understand that everyone has different experiences. Just because you didn't experience something dosent mean it's a new thing.

Iloveeverycat · 01/02/2025 09:36

I think it's sad that parents are pressured to think they have to have parties at all.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 01/02/2025 09:37

FanofLeaves · 01/02/2025 08:15

The trouble is at that age they have a fixed idea in their mind and often no filter so they will get upset if it’s not ‘right’ or what they imagined. She’s not trying to dictate or cause hurt to you or make you feel rubbish about your finances. No harm in using it as an exercise in managing demands and behaving politely etc though.

I probably would have gone for a home party to save the cost but you’ll have to go ahead with this one now, if you’ve paid, and I’m sure it’ll be grand, she’ll just have to start visualising something different.

Edited

Agreed. She doesn't, and won't get it just yet. I don't know what the answer is, but she isn't being spoilt or a brat.

jellybe · 01/02/2025 09:38

Oh bless her it's hard at that age as they get an idea in their heads and they don't understand the value of money etc.
ask her if she wants this party or an at home party and then go from there.

Manage her expectations, big up how fun it will be for her friends to come and celebrate with her. She'll be fine.

Rachmorr57 · 01/02/2025 09:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Moglet4 · 01/02/2025 09:40

Orangeandpinknails · 01/02/2025 08:26

No it's not actually a baby play area, it's a soft play with about 3 levels but it's smaller than the one she would like to go to, that's why she's calling it a baby play area, I think

Show quote history

One of my daughters had her 4th birthday in a Wyevale soft play (a minuscule box). It turned out to be one of the best parties we’ve had. Other kids cleared off when their parents saw there was a party so we ended up with exclusive use and despite it being tiny, they all had a whale of a time. When her friends are there, she won’t care.

NormaleKartoffeln · 01/02/2025 09:40

Orangeandpinknails · 01/02/2025 08:06

Put this on AIBU because it's more likely to be viewed.

My little girl is 3 and will be 4 end of Feb. She has been so excited for a birthday party and we booked her one last night in a cheaper place that she has been to before for a friend's party. It's all we can really afford at the moment and I've just told her about it. She started crying saying it's a baby play area and she doesn't want to go there for her party and that she wants to go to another certain play area for her birthday. We've already paid now so not sure if can cancel and get a refund but also, this other place will cost us about £60 more which we can't really afford right now.

What would you do?

Tell her it's that or a small party at home. She's 4, soft play is fine.

InDogweRust · 01/02/2025 09:41

Lesson for the future - don't talk about these things with children. Just take them along on the day and they enjoy it. There doesn't need to be a lot of hype and build up.

FantasiaTurquoise · 01/02/2025 09:42

She's not spoiled, she's three and three-year-olds are unfiltered, as you would want them to be. There are two soft plays and she happens to prefer the other one, and has no idea of the reasons that led you to pick this one.

I would just avoid the subject for a bit and she'll come round. Then you can start talking about all the fun things to do with her birthday party, e.g. cake and which friends are coming. Maybe try to give her some choices that she can make in the run-up to it, e.g. what the invitations look like.

Iloveeverycat · 01/02/2025 09:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Not when you are worrying about paying for one it isn't. It's probably because everyone else has one so parents feel they have to.

User860131 · 01/02/2025 09:44

Sorry to play shouldawouldacoulda but she's obviously bright and articulate and has her own ideas about things why didn't you ask her before you booked? If you'd discussed it beforehand then I'd agree she needs to suck it up and go with what you agreed. However it feels a little bit unfair to say 'tough be happy with your lot' when you haven't even consulted her. That said if you really can't change it I'd just explain this and offer the option of going ahead with it or having a party at home. I doubt she'll be having to explain this to a therapist in 20 years but next year I'd involve her so that the pattern isn't repeated