To feel gutted parents won’t come for Dds birthdays anymore

[Neverasecalone]

We live abroad (short flight) parents come over to stay a few times a year. They’ve come every year for 7 years over her birthday to celebrate
My mum messaged to say this year they wouldn’t come for her birthday because of the heat but would book for a couple of months later and she can have two birthdays
Aibu to feel sad about it? Had to tell Dd and she was upset about it

I really can't see an issue with this.

Sell it to DD as having two birthday cakes, two sets of presents etc. Surely that's not such a bad thing? I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.

I just think it’s sad as Dd really enjoys them being here and all of us together. They spend every birthday with Dsis kids etc

your expectations have been unreasonable, you live in different countries!

Presumably your sister doesn't live abroad so that's a daft argument.

I think it's perfectly reasonable of them and you should be pleased they are going to continue to come to visit you even if not over your daughters birthday. She doesn't need to be sad, she's getting older and a video chat would be fine for her birthday.

Also out of interest do you travel to visit them?

Tbh, she already has a cake when we do her party with friends, then one at home with us, to do another just seems a bit weird and months later when it’s all passed, isnt the same. I said this to her though and she wasn’t that bothered, it was more that she wanted them here on the day

The two birthdays idea is silly though, and further builds the expectation of the GPs being there. There are loads of nice options to celebrate birthdays, and you can do something different and not birthday related when they visit.

You are being unreasonable and also as a responsible parent, should be softening the blow for your 7 year old child, not allowing them to feel upset at their GP's decision.

As per a PP, I wouldn't bill it as a second birthday! There's just no need. Sounds like her grandparents visit a lot which is lovely.

Just means that they will no longer be there on her actual birthday which is a shame but not the end of the world considering you do live in another country!

I’m assuming that your sister lives closer to your Mum? If you had 3 kids would you expect your parents to travel for every one? Could you bring your DD to visit your parents on her birthday? I think you need to have a talk with DD and tell her that unfortunately we can’t always have everything we want and teach her to manage her expectations.

I have softened the blow, told her lightly about it and enthused about how exciting it will be to have two birthdays. I could see her disappointment though.

Where does your Dsis live, same country as you or parents? It’s not really a valid argument because they’ve also spent every birthday with your DD.

What time of year is her birthday? Could you go and visit them?

I don't think it's weird at all to have a cake with grandparents a few months later 🤷‍♀️. Surely there's no bad time for cake?!
Can you travel to them if DD really wants to see them? Or plan a really nice day out when they come to celebrate DD belated birthday?

You’re being outrageously entitled. Your parents sound like they have tried over the years to visit and show interest. Both sets of in laws live in the uk with us, and more often than not can’t be arsed to come for the kids birthdays, or Christmas, or whatever doesn’t suit them.

Does your partner have family, do they come to family birthday celebration?

None of grandparents lived locally (although in same country) when our DC were small. Very rarely had any of them at actual birthday celebration, might have seen some of them near the time (divorced GPs in the mix) but not all of them.

Even when you live in the same country there could be valid reasons why GPs can't visit on their GCs birthday. Most families just get on with it. The GPs send a present and Facetime to say happy birthday The DC don't need multiple birthday cake

Yep - outrageously entitled sums it up

I’m looking at flights but tricky as expensive as have to pay for her party too and gifts etc

I don’t think i’m being entitled, isn’t it ok to feel sad about it :(

I can understand you being disappointed espically if you thought they were coming then found out they weren't but can see their point some people don't like the heat much my In laws have a villa abroad but don't want to go het as they hate it too hot. At least they are still wanting to come in a few months some parents wouldn't make the effort x

I wouldn’t have billed as second birthday. Honestly it’s not a big deal unsure why you have told her tbh.
She celebrates with her family and friends.
Birthday comes around if she asks if granny coming say no she’s coming in September. Ring or FaceTime granny on day to say thank you for card/present.

Why don't you cut down on gifts and fly to see your parents, I really don't want to be mean but you really are expecting a lot from them, they said .it isn't suitable and you should be preparing your daughter for a slight disappointment.

This! You're in another country?!

If it’s a ‘short flight’ and this upsets you….why don’t you fly over to your parents and spend the birthday at grandparents house?