To feel gutted parents won’t come for Dds birthdays anymore

[Neverasecalone]

We live abroad (short flight) parents come over to stay a few times a year. They’ve come every year for 7 years over her birthday to celebrate
My mum messaged to say this year they wouldn’t come for her birthday because of the heat but would book for a couple of months later and she can have two birthdays
Aibu to feel sad about it? Had to tell Dd and she was upset about it

I've voted YANBU, as it's perfectly reasonable to feel sad or disappointed.
You haven't demonstrated any sense of entitlement, nor have you indicated that your parents are BU.
We get used to things if it's an annual event and I'm sure a lot of people would be quietly sad/disappointed.

Actually I think caring for parents is an important factor when you decide where to live - although you have mentioned wanting to go back so presumably that IS part of ot. I know my parents had to make that choice as their parents were on different continents but then plans still went ary. And we factored it into our house search.

I think feeling a bit sad at changing traditions is normal, but as PP said the traditions will be changing around this age anyway. I love what a PP suggested- doing cake for ALL the missed birthdays!

I know that your Mum suggested to you that your DD could have 2 birthdays but I don't think you should pass that idea onto your DD.

Building her expectations up and giving her 2 birthdays, as a way of minimising her disappointment is sugar coating.

Kids aren't stupid. She has one birthday and she knows it - don't tell her she has 2. Be honest with your daughter OP, tell her why granny isn't coming and then explain she will be coming when it's not quite as hot. Children can be quite sensible and pragmatic if you allow them to work things out for themselves. Try not to pass on your own feelings disappointment - which is what I think may be happening here.

I live in the same country as my parents and think in the 12 years I've had kids, my parents have been there on maybe 10% of birthdays

I can't say I'm happy about it but it is what it is.

Who moved away??

So many people saying this, if you read my posts, I *Did soften the blow

It’s too hot for your parents so I don’t blame them. It’s unrealistic to think they should be present for every birthday so it’s not a bad thing your dd will understand she’ll see them some birthdays and not others (weather depending).

This is one of the consequences of living in a different country to your family and friends. I know it too well.

If you can't bear it, move back. Otherwise just shrug it off. It is what it is, you chose it.

OP, I have to ask, is part of how upset you are about this that you just got hit with the fact your parents are aging, they can't do everything they used to, and you're living in another country? You are seeing an end nearing for family gatherings at yours and your daughter is going to be missing out on family closeness because of being long distance, aging, climate, and your husband not wanting to go back.

As a kid who grew up halfway across the country from one grandmother and in a different country from the other, you just get on with it. And when I was a kid we didnt have any of the fancy ipads for videocalls that exists now. I used to get a lovely card from my English gran and some cash from my Spanish one. The only birthday I spent with my English gran was my 5th which we celebrated in her house in England. I have fond memories of it, but what can´t be ,can´t be. It is just the momentary disappointment and that is something that as parents we can´t shield them from, however much we want to.

This is also bang on target for me.

YANBU. Your parents have set a precedent of always coming to your daughters birthday and a young child is going to be hurt and confused when that suddenly changes also I think because you live far away from them things like these regular celebrations are even more important. I'd be hurt because I know my daughter would be hurt and the heat reason doesn't seem to carry much weight if they've always come for a summer holiday. I'm sorry your daughter is disappointed and hope she has a fabulous birthday.

As someone who’s lived abroad I can see why this would bother you. But if you or you and DP made the choice to live in another country, as hard as it is, you made a choice (even if it wasn't really what you wanted).

you can’t really expect them to fly over on certain dates and it’s not like they’re saying they won’t come over. In the flip could you and family go and see them?

This is the entitlement I mentioned earlier. Who gets to determine if their reason carries much weight?

Just because someone was able/felt well enough to bear the heat one year, doesn’t mean they will feel able to the next year.

Yes, it’s probably wrapped up in that too, I totally understand their reasons and don’t blame them one bit. I suppose I wasn’t expecting it and can see how things are starting to change.
We have lots of friends, but a birthday just with us three (we have party with her friends on a different day) seems a bit sad

I suppose you could always celebrate the grandparents’ visit.

I think tolerating heat less as you get older is a real thing, that’s why during heat waves it’s mostly the elderly that keel over

YABU.
Taking a (short) flight for a family member's birthday.
🙄

Yes you have “sod off” “ffs” to name a few. You are very rude.

You are being entitled and totally childish towards your situation, however asking if you’re being unreasonable, and then people tell that you are, you can’t stand it!

Mind blowing.

This.

Have a Bday with all but them together and look forward to doing it again when they are there.

Sometimes people need to put themselves first.

I think you need to really think about the reality of having aging parents who are living in another country.
How much contact do you want to have with them, how much contact do you want your dc to have with them?
How much care and support do you want to give and how much are you realistically able to do? Are you happy with the future as it is currently playing out?