To feel gutted parents won’t come for Dds birthdays anymore

[Neverasecalone]

We live abroad (short flight) parents come over to stay a few times a year. They’ve come every year for 7 years over her birthday to celebrate
My mum messaged to say this year they wouldn’t come for her birthday because of the heat but would book for a couple of months later and she can have two birthdays
Aibu to feel sad about it? Had to tell Dd and she was upset about it

Look, @Neverasecalone you clearly will not say how old they are, but let me assure you that things change when grandparents age.

There will be a time when it's possible you will do ALL the travelling to see them.

My Mum was a first time gran at 60 and she kept going visiting us for birthdays till 80, taking a 3hr train journey to see us. But after that she had a bout of ill health that knocked her confidence, even though she could have travelled still.

There are a few questions you have been asked more than once and failed to answer. How old are your parents? It's possible as they get older the heat affects them more. That, along with the added excitement of full on birthday celebrations are probably too much for them.
How near is your sister? If a few miles they can go there and spend a few hours and leave when they feel it's getting too much.
The more you respond the more it seems like you are more bothered by this announcement than your daughter.

They've told you why they have decide against it. Do you have any reason to disbelieve them or do you think it's not a good enough reason? Did you start this thread just to vent about how disappointed you are?
You can't really emotionally blackmail then into changing their mind by saying your dd is upset about it. Just accept their reasons and look forward to the other trips they're making. I assume you visit them too?

I live abroad. Short flight. I would never expect my family to be there for my 2 dcs' birthdays every year. I appreciate it when they make it but would never expect it
Yabu and should be grateful they came every year until now.

They do always come, this year they say they won’t because of the heat. It’s not supposed to be especially hotter I don’t think

well... over the last 7 years summers in the UK have got hotter- places further afield like Spain/Portugal etc etc have got almost unbearable.

I think you have done well so far to have had them for the last 7 years, your parents are now 7 years older and heat does get hard to deal with. This is the point in your life where you get to manage your DDs sensitive soul as it's critical to her resilience to manage expectations and help her deal with change. DD will most likely be FINE with this, the disappointment appears to be yours - don't let that seep through to your DD.

Embrace the change and teach your DD to do the same.

Are you being deliberately obscure?

You've been asked time after time how old they are.

It's clear as daylight- the heat is the same but they are older.

Do you really not get it?

They are allowed to make their own choices you know, and don't need your approval.

I don’t understand sorry? 🤷🏻‍♀️

The heat is a perfectly good enough reason to postpone the visit by a couple of months OP. Very wise of them in fact, especially if they are older and have found it difficult in the past.
I’m not sure why you don’t appreciate that fact and help your little girl appreciate it too.
You could still have cake to celebrate their arrival and being all together at last and make a nice event of it. Turn it onto a real positive.

YABU to feel gutted (and not as understanding as you could be of their feelings)

So they've obviously begun to find the heat harder to deal with which happens often as people age. They sound like they've been honest here so I'm not sure why you're sad at them, it's not like they are not coming at all and surely the alternative would be them suffering in the heat just to stop you being sad which would be a bonkers expectation?

Is this the first time your parents have ever done something against your wishes?

You sound as if you've always had your own way and now you're throwing your toys out of the pram.

oh and don't beat yourself up for not being able to do it all. VERY few people can, so ignore all the BS on insta or whatever and do the best you can for your DD, she will be happy with a party with or without your parents, she will he happy with your parents and a lot of fuss later in the year.

What kind of place to you live in? How high do the temps get? is it like Greece level or Spain summer heat? or Dubai inferno? We went on hols in late June to Sicily, there was a heatwave that put temps up to 40s - totally out of usual temps, Italy has been blistering, ditto greece and Portugal on occasions

Why are you being such a dick?

I’m reading through all the comments and trying to respond, give me a second!

They are late 60’s, fit and healthy

My sister lives two hours away

I’m not angry at my parents obviously, i’m sad about it, I miss them

The bottom line is , your daughter will be fine. You'll be fine. Your parents will see you all in a couple of months and maybe this will be their new normal. If they find it too hot, that's a valid reason.

We live abroad granted much more than a short flight. But we moved away… so kind of our fault ! My mum can come quite often - sometimes this fits in with one or the other of our children’s birthdays, some times not she has even had to leave the day before my sons birthday before! Other grandma has visited once in 5 years and my dad never!

but also I have never been home for any of ours or their birthdays! Honestly my children love seeing them but quite frankly when you live away from family it is part of the deal sadly! I hope your child has a lovely birthday I’m sure on the day they will be having so much fun!

I’m not angry at my parents obviously, i’m sad about it, I miss them

So it appears that the crux of the issue isn't actually your daughters birthday but that you miss them. That's perfectly normal but unfortunately par for the course if you've moved away. You're lucky they come several times a year but if you're finding it hard being away from them then it might be time to reevaluate if being abroad is what you want for the future?

If it's too hot for them it's too hot especially as they get older

It’s different when you live away.

Yes it is different. You don't get to spend as much time with your extended family as you'd like. It's expensive to travel to see them.

Surely, you realised this when you moved away? You made that choice; own it.

This is a good example of why it's best not to live by hard and fast rules and expectations. Lovely if they can be there some years but not others. I don't think you should try and go there yourselves, enjoy your daughter birthday ,do a video call, enjoy a parcel through the post and enjoy seeing them when you do. Things change over time.

Oh come on you know you are being unreasonable.

If it’s Southern Spain in the summer I don’t blame them.

OP I think you’re transferring your disappointment to your DD, she won’t notice they’re not there if she’s having fun.
Also I think this is probably the first time they have dared say they don’t want to be there at such a hot time of year and now they’ve done it, expect this to be the norm.

Late sixties can totally see why one or both of them is struggling with the heat. Unless there is a massive backstory of favouring your dsis I think you need to accept that they are not as young as they once were. You probably will need to do more of the visits to them rather than vice versa. Presumably it is cheaper for you (adult and child) than it is for them (two adults) to fly. If it is generally hot where you are maybe planning a summer break at home will give you a break from the heat too and a week with family to celebrate birthday then they can visit in autumn when it is cooler.

You are unreasonable to think it is personal to your dd. You are not unreasonable to feel sad that they have reached this stage of life though.

Just to put this in perspective, I live an hour and a half from my MIL and she hasn’t visited our kids for 15 years, we always have to travel to her.

How rude. Calling someone a dick.

Does it really take several posts (that you ignored but meanwhile answered others) until you came up with the answer?

Your parents have the right to do what they want.
You're bloody lucky they fly over several times a year.

I won't stoop to your level by throwing insults at you.

I haven’t read all of the replies so I don’t know if anyone has responded but this is an awful suggestion. The DC was excited about seeing her grandparents on her birthday, like usual, why on earth would anyone wait until her birthday to disappoint her thats just awful.

I don’t know if i’d do a second birthday that far ahead, if you can’t get back to see them for her birthday I’d do a whole weekend about her and them, plan a real treat for her for when they return and do whatever she’d like.